69.

Elai's pov

“You’ve got to admit that it was kind of sad, Arlon. He’s been so respectful towards me even though he.. you know..” I still can’t say it out loud. I don’t like the taste of the words, I don’t like the sound, the thought, the realization. I want Chay to be my closest friend, and nothing more.
Arlon sighs with a small grin on his face. I know he liked that it had happened. It was written all over his face. “It had to happen one day. Maybe this will make it clear that he needs to take a step back.”
I don’t want to argue with Arlon about this, because if I were in his position, I’d be just as pissed. I wouldn’t want another person to crave him the way I crave him. And so I just let out a soft chuckle, my head leaning down against his shoulder. It is the first time we bathe together like this after.. the kiss. Ha. My face gets hot simply thinking of it. I’m glad that we are here together, just the two of us, without Connie to interrupt anything.
Arlon swims away from me, eyes looking right into mine. I hate that I smile. I hate that he smiles back. It is these small moments that get to me the most. They make me feel everything I could possibly feel; they make me feel.. love.
Ah. Love. It has got me wondering..
“Can I ask you something?” I wish to know.
He simply hums.
“Connie’s words about my blood.. did they bring you into doubt?” Connie was right for saying Nerys and I share the same blood, and that we might as well already be working together. And since he’s so close with Arlon.. it wouldn’t surprise me if he had persuaded the king to fall back into the distrust I thought he was climbing out of.
“Connie has a big and smart mouth.” Arlon swims back slowly, his muscled shoulders reaching out of the water. He is beautiful. I will say that another million times, I hope.
“But not one I always listen to..” He only continues when his arms cage me, hands holding onto the edge. He gives a kiss on my forehead, then one on my nose, and then one on my lips. They are all so tender. I wish for more. I always want more.
“Connie has lost his faith in trust. He’s been betrayed one too many times for that. And I will admit, I am a very skeptical person, too, but-“ I give him a kiss this time. A quick one. Just because I was yearning for it. It is ridiculous. I wish to drown.
“But you.. hm. You make me want to forget that about myself..” Why can’t he ever say ‘yes. I do trust you.’ Why does he always find a way with words that doesn’t confirm anything at all?
“But do you trust me?” I want him to answer. I am sick of constantly walking around not knowing if the one I am falling for trusts me. Not even a fucking moon ritual convinced him. a moon ritual! “I pledged to the moon, you know. What else could you possibly want from me?” I look down at his lips. I did not mean to, but they look so.. shiny. They look kissable. Ah. What am I saying? I’ve never been with anyone, I’ve never had these feelings before. They all are so foreign that I keep getting startled whenever something sparks inside of my stomach.
“I want you to kill your father for me.”
A silence grows around us.
Now, I am not saying that what I just heard is alright, is fine, is nothing to worry about. But.. I will also not say that it doesn’t excite me. Because it does. The mere thought brings shivers down my spine. Kill my father. What an opportunity.
“That is what it takes?”
There is another, small moment of silence before he answers me.
“That is what it takes.”
I kiss him again. This time, the kiss is longer and more intense. I wrap my arms around his neck and close my eyes; he wants me to kill my father for him, and I will. Not even for him, not even for his trust, not even for anything besides myself. I have thought of this so many times, hell, I have dreamt about it. I did not think I would ever get to do it, though, because the thought of doing it for myself is scary. I would’ve never dared to walk up to Arlon and ask him if I’m allowed to go back to kill him.
And now he has given me the chance.
I let out a shaky breath when I pull back, my forehead leaning against his. The water is warm yet the hands that hold me are warmer. It feels so good. Too good. The adrenaline of his words make it worse. I feel like I’m not even breathing, no matter how many times I check.
“Is this a yes?” I had not even answered him yet.
“I have never wanted to do something so badly..” I breathe the words out, another shiver running down my spine. I’m going to kill him. The time is ticking and I am going to kill him.
“But are you not frightened that I might join my brothers if I succeed?” I don’t know why I ask the question, because I know the fucking answer.
He hums. “No.”
See? The question was stupid. So stupid that it makes me kiss him again. And again. And again. I want to taste him all the time. I want to hold him like this all the time. He leans into the kiss so easily, pushes us back against the edge with no trouble. It is like we are one in this moment, if not in every moment we will ever spend together.
“There is something I want you to do before any of that happens, though..” I am under his spell; I’d do anything for him. I do not care what it is.
I am falling. So hard.
“And that is?” I lean in to simply embrace him, my cheek pressing down against his shoulder. He is so warm.. he is so comforting. “You have to tell your aunt.” It puts a smile on my face; I was already excited to finally visit her. To see her, talk to her.. be with a family member I believe I can trust.
“I want her to know.”
“Why?”
“Because even if I turned her down, I need her in my favor. If she sees that I keep her updated, she will not turn her back.” He does not say the exact words, but I can see on his face that he regrets his decision.
“Zagaroth is a very powerful kingdom. And as Connie said; she is the queen. She can mean a whole lot to what’s going on out there.” Connie’s words do bring Arlon to question himself, just not when it comes to me. I like that. It makes me blush.
“Can you do that for me?”
I have to kiss him one more time before I let everything go. I want to feel this rush once more, and I want to feel it by touching him. He breathes into my mouth with need, with want, but most importantly; he smiles while he does it. I avoid kissing him back; I want to look at him. He’s smiling with his mouth open and fuck do I love looking at him like this. There’s such a genuine spark in his eyes, one that I wish I could treasure forever.
“I feel like I could do anything right now.”
Fuck. I make it real; I am going to kill my father.