48.

Elai doesn’t go to bed, not even to try. He goes straight outside as soon as he gets the courage to move again. He ignores the guards following his quick moves with their eyes, ignores the way they whisper and stare. Elai presses his hand against his chest, and as soon as he gets outside, he leans down to throw up. He isn’t ashamed, neither does he ask someone to help him. He decides to let it all out without thinking about anyone around him, stomach emptying and a nasty taste appearing in his mouth. He needs to take a few good breaths before he stands up straight again. There are maids looking at him with worry in their eyes, none of them questioning to walk up to him. Elai turns around before he can see them cleaning his mess up, eyes closing and coughs leaving his body. He walks down the stairs with his hand against his waist and his eyes looking for the closest water source.
The night is dark and cold, a shiver running down Elai’s spine as he walks down the stairs. He can’t be inside of the castle anymore. Not after Arlon’s outburst, not after the words the king had shared tonight. He crosses his arms as he walks around the corner. He knows that the garden has quite some water sources to clean himself with.
“Ah- Connie..” He didn’t expect to meet someone he knows here, yet Connie almost bumps into him the moment he takes another turn to the right. He still doesn’t know Arlon’s friend all too well, neither does he really like him. Connie has a big personality, something Elai can’t bare all too well. He also knows that Connie feels the same about him. Still, it feels kind of nice to have someone around right now.
“Got too hot in there?” The warrior hits the nail on the head as the two walk through the garden. Elai’s eyes light up when he sees the first, tiny fountain. He nods as an answer before dropping onto his knees, hands splashing water in his face. He drinks from it before looking up at Connie, who already understands something had happened. Something bad.
“I don’t understand what I did wrong. I was just trying to talk to him and he- he just..” Oh no. now his hands are starting to shake. In this moment, he wishes nothing else but to leave Turi. To go home and be executed by his own father. Even that would hurt less. Better yet; it would satisfy him. He’d give anything to be able to forget about the king of Turi and to never look back again. But he’s stuck here; Arlon is in some type of way, somehow, still his target. No matter how many times he has said he can be trusted. The honor it would bring him still lingers. Still makes him doubt every decision he makes. Because what if he just kills him? What if he just- no. He wouldn’t. He wouldn’t, right?
“It is difficult for Arlon to trust people, let alone someone from Lyle.” Connie speaks out. But is that truly the reason he got so mad? Or was it the memories that were starting to catch up with him?
Connie notices the sorrow that falls onto Elai’s face, a soft sigh leaving the warrior’s mouth. “Look.. I understand that you want to know why he acts like that, but..” Connie doesn’t want to say anything, but something about Elai makes it hard to keep his mouth shut. He lets out a deep sigh and apologizes to Arlon in his head; “He suffered through such unimaginable pain for far too long....” Maybe if he’s cryptic about it, it’ll be enough to shut down Elai’s curiosity. “And the man responsible for that pain will linger in his mind like a pest, eating away at him for the rest of his life.” Elai feels himself sinking into the grown. He can see the pain it brings to Connie. He probably has a lot of memories from it, too. Bad, terrifying memories.
Elai shakes his head as his eyes stare at the grass. “I.. know..”
Connie didn’t expect that. “What?”
“Not everything, or the details but.. I know what that man did. I know enough, to say the least.” The three words that Arlon used were enough for Elai to understand. Beaten. Raped. Manipulated. Is he going to throw up again?
“What he did was-“
“It is not just about what Eryx did to the boy, Elai.” Connie doesn’t want to say it, but he’s going to nonetheless. “Arlon was in love with him. Madly in love. That is where the problem lies.” He hates saying it, even after three years. It is still difficult to say, because he wishes it was different. Oh how he wishes it was different.
“Arlon loved him so much that whatever Eryx did to him, he was sure it was for a good cause. I think he still believes it was good. All of it.” He wants to stop talking about it now; even he can’t take the memories.
“Woah- hey-“ Connie leans down on one knee when he hears Elai sniffing behind his hands. He didn’t expect the boy to cry. Connie is the last person to truly believe that Elai feels something for the king. He’s so convinced it is Elai’s manipulative way of getting closer to his target. Until now, perhaps. Now that he sees him cry over Arlon’s past- now that he’s actually- oh moon, is he about to cry along with him?
“I’m sorry- I’m so sorry-“ Elai hicks the words out as he shakes his head. He tenses up when he feels Connie’s large, muscled arm wrap around him, but it is also comforting in some way. He can forget about the grudge they hold towards one another. It is just them and their emotions now. “I didn’t know what I was forcing you guys into- I didn’t mean to be so-“ Elai feels guilty for prying. If he hadn’t, neither of them would’ve been thinking back of it now. Arlon’s outburst wouldn’t have happened, and Connie could’ve had a great end of his night. Now they’re both suffering from the past, and it is all because of him.
“Elai- it’s fine- hey.. slow down..” Connie rubs his hand against the boy’s back and swallow his own lump away. He doesn’t want to make Elai feel even worse. He knows it came from a good heart. He can feel it. “You weren’t aware of the situation. You couldn’t have known-“
“But if I had thought just a little bit harder I would’ve understood that I needed to keep my mouth shut about his past!” How is he ever going to forgive himself for this?
“Now he’ll lock himself up for I don’t know how long and it will be all my fault-“
“Don’t worry about that.. hey..” Connie grabs a hold of Elai’s face so that the boy has to look him in the eyes. He doesn’t know how to deal with other people’s emotions. His sister is way better with situations like this. But she has already gone home. He’s the only one who can calm Elai down now. Connie believes this is the moon speaking to him; she wants Connie and Elai to become friends. He can feel the way her light looks down on him.
“It will not be your fault if he does lock himself up. The reason he left early was because his past caught up with him. It is what happens quite often when Arlon drinks too much.” Those words allow Elai to take a deep breath. He doesn’t want to stay stuck inside of the ‘it is my fault’ mindset, so he’s happy to listen to what Connie has to say about it.
“It is almost as if Eryx lives on in every drink that runs down his throat.” It is a simple joke, one that makes both of them chuckle a little. Connie’s thumbs wipe away the tears that stain Elai’s face with a small smile on his face. “Do not let that man haunt you too, pretty boy. Don’t give him that privilege.” Connie wants Eryx to stay a memory between Arlon, Cesilia, Chay and himself. He doesn’t want anyone new to be involved in his stories, not even now that he’s dead. They all know Eryx’s soul feasts on the terrible memories he has left behind. Bringing Elai into it will just make his presence become stronger.
“Promise me that.”
“I won’t.” Elai doesn’t hesitate to answer him; he doesn’t want Eryx to haunt him.
“Good..” Connie’s tired voice still brings a crack upon Elai’s heart, though.
Eryx seems to haunt them all a bit too much.