37.

Arlon's pov

I wake up with sweat on my forehead and a dry mouth. My eyes are wide and I can still smell the scent of my dream. I rarely dream about that day. I wonder why the moon decided I had to see it tonight. I feel a lump in my throat, a lump I want to ignore. There is no reason to cry. There is no reason to cry. There is no reason.. to cry.
My eyes still shed tears. I can’t stop it. I feel like throwing up when I try to take a breath, soft cries leaving my mouth. My hand is leaning against my chest and I can feel that I’m losing control over my fire. When I open my eyes, my veins have turned yellow and I am nothing but a fucking heater. I’m not sure if it still embarrasses me to cry. I don’t know if Eryx truly planted that seed so deep inside of me that it’s hard to get out. Or maybe I just don’t want to cry about this. I don’t want to cry when I think about Eryx. He doesn’t deserve to be cried about. I hate him. I hate him, right?
I stand up with sore legs and eyelids that don’t want to stay open. I allow myself to cry through it all, allow myself to sniff as I put on my training uniform, allow myself to curse when I struggle a bit too long with putting my boots on. I only stop when I’m done, fingers wiping my tears away and mirror showing me my reddened skin. My face looks swollen, but I decide not to wait. I want to know if Elai is already there, and if Connie decided to show up. It is my first time training him after telling him who I am. I still decide to cover my hands with my gloves; I am used to it anyways.
My heart is in my throat when I leave for the training arena. I don’t know if my face has calmed down a bit, but I sure hope Elai won’t notice it. I don’t mind if Connie does; he knows nights like this happen to me quite often. “Oh! King Arlon! How are you? Have you slept alright? I was wondering where you were during breakfast-“ Val has always been casual with me. I see her as some sort of mother figure. She’s the best cook there is and an amazing singer. She used to sing me tunes when I was a little kid. I smile at her and I catch the sparks in her eyes. “I needed a bit more rest. Don’t worry, I won’t skip it again.” It is a quick interaction, but it makes me feel a little better anyways. I take a deep breath when she walks away from me, my hand pulling on my glove. Oh. I’m getting nervous.
It takes me a few seconds before I dare to walk into the arena, and I am glad to already hear soft pants and groans. Elai is training with- a sword?! I frown, eyes immediately falling onto Connie. He doesn’t look happy either and it is easy to see that it wasn’t his decision. I know how determined Elai is and how much he can stand his place. Connie probably didn’t have much of a choice.
“I have been stuck with him for over an hour, where were you?” Connie looks back at me, face quickly relaxing. Shit. He notices. “Hey- are you alright? Have you been crying?” Once I get close enough, he places both his hands against my cheeks. I feel the need to cry again, but I swallow it away this time.
“I’m fine. Rough night. Long dream.” Those words are enough for him to understand.
“Connie is refusing to train with me, Arlon! I haven’t learned anything new- yet!” Elai is groaning in between words. He isn’t moving his feet at all, barely even knows how to move the sword. It is quite funny.
“That is because that was not what we had planned to do!” Connie snaps at Elai, but it sounds a bit sarcastic. As if he doesn’t hate him with all his guts.
As soon as Elai turns around and shows me his face, I freeze in my spot. My night alone comes back to me, the moment before I went to sleep and had a frightening dream about my past. The moment I touched myself and thought of- him. My cheeks are turning red the longer I think about it, Elai’s eyes focused on mine.
“He’s afraid I’ll get too strong- isn’t that cool? He’s scared of me already!” Elai is a brat.
Connie is easily stepped on the toes, my friend rolling his eyes. “I am not scared of you!” Connie is whining and it would normally make me chuckle, but right now, I am unable to look away. All I see is him, all I see is Elai’s beautiful face and those plump fucking lips of him. If it wasn’t for my sanity, I would’ve commanded Connie to go away so that I could take the boy right here against the wall. I would get to hear him moan and beg, I would get to hear him want me, need me. My hands are shaking. Fuck. I shouldn’t be thinking of this right now.
“Was it that difficult to say no? Or did you decide it isn’t your job to keep him in check?” I see a perfect opening for me to tease Connie, and it luckily snaps me out of my thoughts. My eyes haven’t left Elai’s face, though. I am watching every single expression as he tries to move the sword around. It’s cute, and if I even think that once more I might just throw myself off of this castle. I shouldn’t be smiling at him, at the way he moves and the way he giggles. He’s like a forbidden fruit I wish to feast upon.
“First of all.. it isn’t my job. Second of all yes. He was that hard to say no to. The boy’s a menace, haven’t you noticed it yet?” Connie has some sort of grin on his face, even though he’s trying to be serious. He, too, knows Elai’s good side. He knows he somewhat enjoyed his presence before he found out he was from the Amias bloodline.
“A menace, really?” I shock myself with what I do, legs easily walking up to Elai as if they have a mind of their own. “Your hand should be over here.” I touch his hand and I immediately lose control over my fire. My body heats up as he looks up at me, eyes piercing through mine.
“You’re too close..” Elai breathes out.
I swear I can see him lean in. Is he going to kiss me?
“Drop the sword and get your shit together, Amias. We are here to train your ability.” Of course he isn’t going to kiss me; Connie is right there.
“Connie. Leave us. I’ll train him alone today.” I don’t know what has gotten into me. I say the words while my eyes are still locked with those of Elai. I can hear the click of Connie’s tongue and his big sigh, but I don’t act upon it. I want him to leave now that I’m this close to the blonde boy. Now that I’m alone with the one I thought of last night as my hand- Arlon, stop!
“First you command me to keep training him and now you want to have some alone time with your new-“
“Just go, Connie.” I watch Elai swallow, watch him part his lips to let a breath go. I watch every tiny move of his as I wait for my best friend to leave us. This is exactly what I need after a rough night, after the mere image of my dead lover hovering over me made me sick.
“Fine, but don’t come begging me to come back because I’m better than you.” I knew he’d say something like that. Connie has trained a lot of people, especially those who wanted to join the army. He’s great at teaching, unlike me. But his joke won’t lure me in; I am standing my ground. I hear his feet walk and walk and walk until the door shuts and the arena becomes silent. All I hear are his soft breaths, my hot hand still pressing down against his.
“He was pretty good at explaining and I-“
“What will you do if I kiss you right now?”