74.

Elai's pov

“Arlon you have to teach me that trick! I want to be cool like tha-“ My jaw drops completely as my eyes fall onto something I have never seen before. The grass stops abruptly, my feet standing at the very edge. It dies out into white sand that seems to go on endlessly. Arlon has his arms spread out as he turns to look at me.
I hesitatingly take a step forward, the sand seeming to swallow my boots. I yelp; I have never been here before, neither have I read about the white sand or the everlasting distance in front of me.
“Come! It is not as scary as it may look!” Arlon still has his arms spread out as he encourages me, my feet slowly walking up to him. I thought there were nothing but woods between Turi and Lyle. I fasten my pace when I get close enough to see the smile on Arlon’s face. He’s cute like this, waiting for me to finally get to him.
When I do, for some reason, I wrap my arms around him and close my eyes. I can feel him stiffen inside of my embrace, can feel the way he stops breathing. He did this last time, too. I hope it is okay that I am holding him like this, that I want to hold him like this and- oh.
His arms wrap around me now, too. He pulls me in further, as if he wishes for me to disappear into him completely. He is warm like a summer morning. He is good, kind, everything I have ever wanted to hold. He smells nice.
“I like this..” I didn’t really mean for those words to drop out of my mouth, the muffled noise making him chuckle. The vibrations in his chest feel nice against my cheek. I don’t want to move. I want to stay like this forever. “It feels good..” I swore it couldn’t ever get better than this, but now his lips are pressing against the top of my head, and I just spiral down more. He makes me dizzy. The good kind of dizzy. It is confusing but oh so nice. I don’t want to get rid of this feeling ever again. I don’t want to suppress it or ignore it. I want to embrace it, like I am embracing him, for as long as I can.
“I’d like for this to happen more often..” I can hear in his tone of voice that he is not sure of his words, that his cheeks are most likely burning up right now. He is embarrassed. Shy, maybe.
“Me hugging you?” Why do I even ask?
“That- too.. I just.. I mean.. being with you. Alone. Just being with you..” Could I, possibly, maybe- could I-
My head hurts.
“It’s funny isn’t it?” Arlon pulls back and places his hand upon my cheek. My hair brushes against his fingertips as I smile at him.
I do not say a word.
“I swore I hated every Lylenian out there, yet here I am..” He kisses my lips ever so softly, my eyes closing at the swift touch. “Falling for you..” He gives me another kiss. It is the first time he says such a thing. A thing that comes close to admitting, comes close to confessing. I can feel the bittersweet taste spread out on my tongue. I want to say it back, but I don’t want to talk. I lean into the third kiss, my eagerness bringing me to lean up onto my toes. I want to scold him for being so tall.
But even that is something I like about him.
Is there anything I don’t like? Anything at all?
“Eager, are we?” Arlon steps away with a grin on his face and his hands behind his back. That! I don’t like that! My cheeks are on fire as I watch him walk away from me.
“Hey! Don’t do that to me!” I rush after him, my bottom lip stuck between my teeth. He’s so good at this. Too good. I have never been in a- relationship? Oh gods. That word still freaks me out. Is that even what is occurring here? What has been playing between us? am I someone’s- am I his.. boyfriend?
“Or what?” I can’t see Arlon hopping over something; I am too busy watching my own boots disappear into the sand every step I take. It is mesmerizing.
It is also the reason I let out a soft gasp. The ground below me becomes unsteady, and I am lucky that Arlon is quick to grab my arm and pull me away.
“Holy fuck!” We keep walking, my eyes looking back at the wobbly part.
“What was that? Was I about to die? Oh my- did you just safe my l-“
“Don’t get all mushy. It was just a coverup for the river.”
I frown at his words. But that means-
“There’s a river underneath that?!”
“Have you ever even heard of the forbidden valley?” Arlon’s tone of voice calls me an idiot, and I roll my eyes at it as quick as I can.
“I hadn’t set a foot outside of my home not even a year ago, you know!”
“Thought you read all the books in your library!”
“I can’t reach all the shelves!” I silence him for a moment. We stand still and he quickly turns to look at me. At first his eyes seem to be filled with sincere care, but then he bursts out laughing and I have to watch him place his hand upon his stomach.
“You are a certified dickhead, you know that?” I push him and he allows himself to fall onto the ground, laugh still filling up the air. I wait for him to be done with big sighs leaving my mouth and my arms crossed. I want to kick him.
“I’m sorry- it’s just that- libraries usually have portable ladders yet you weren’t able to reach all the shelves?”
This man, I am telling you, Is going to be either the death of me or himself. I am still contemplating if I’m going to let him choose or not. “Okay, since you’re so eager to live up to the mister know it all image..” I eventually give up my sulking and sit down next to him. “Why is it called the forbidden valley?” I wrap my arms around my legs and place my head on top of my knees. I look at the details on his face. He is so.. effortlessly pretty.
“It is not exactly forbidden, but.. the seal you just walked over is breakable for a certain amount of time. So let’s say you decide to want to get into the river and have fun.. you can, but the seal will eventually lock you in and you’ll.. drown, basically..” Arlon finally stops laughing about whatever was so funny and tells the story in a single breath. He shrugs when he closes his mouth, eyes shifting to look at me.
I am already taking my shirt off.
“Eh- Elai? No!”
“You said you could swim and have fun if you wanted to!”
“That doesn’t mean you can just-“
I throw my boots to the side, stand up and unbutton my pants. “That is exactly what it means!” I have always wanted to do reckless things without someone getting angry with me. I wish father could see me now as I throw my hair back into a tight bun. My eyes are focused on the ground in front of me, and I am glad to find out Arlon allows me to run away from him. I can even hear his chuckle. There. That is what I wanted. Someone to just let me be. My feet eventually stop running as the sand underneath me turns wobbly.
“How does it disappear?!” I frown as I try to keep my balance.
“You’ll see.” Arlon is close enough to hear me as he leans back onto his elbows, a secretive grin growing on his face. is it something that will, once again, make him laugh like that? I wouldn’t mind it. His laugh is.. I don’t want to finish that sentence.
“It’s taking too long- woah!” It happens in a split second. I don’t get to see the way the white sand underneath my feet disappears, my body suddenly falling into the water. The river is quite warm. I quickly swim up and look around me. I can see the seal disappear in the far away distance, and it blocks my ability to understand what actually happens. It doesn’t seem to be at the bottom of the river; whatever surface is below me, is dark.
“How is it?” Arlon has made himself comfortable as he shows me his teeth-wide smile. My stomach feels funny whenever I see it. It is beautiful.
“I thought it’d be freezing, but it’s actually quite nice!”
“You are aware that it’s a river, right?”
“Duh. So?” I swim backwards and take a long, deep breath. It smells like wet grass.
“Every river is covered by a layer of fog, you idiot!” Is this why he was smiling so widely? Is this why he let me jump into it without any arguing?
Holding my breath won’t do the trick anymore; I have been breathing the fog in for about a good, long minute now. I have never really been high on river fog before. I don’t know how I am going to feel, or how I am supposed to feel. All I know is that I shouldn’t panic, or worry about it. I’ve been around the twins when they were high on it. I’ve seen how happy it made them. I should be fine. Completely fine.
Am I panicking?
“Would it make you feel better if I joined you?” I snap out of my thoughts. Arlon’s voice is eerily close all of a sudden, and when I shift my eyes to look at him, he has his head hanging above the water and his hands leaning over the edge.
“It-It’s fine!” He is so.. insanely attractive.
His hooded gaze makes me go quiet. He doesn’t lean back, but I don’t see him breathe, either. He isn’t making any choice; he stays there, staring at me with a tiny grin on his face.
He looks warm and inviting and the more I blink the more I seem to understand why people believe he holds the soul of the moon.
He surely is amazing enough to be a god.
“I think it is kicking in, makuyi..” The water around my body feels so fucking good. It is tender and kind to my skin and I wish to hug it. I wish for it to hold me forever.
“How so?” Arlon isn’t worried for even a bit. He has finally leaned back into the sand, grin grown wider, eyes still watching me.
“I feel so light..” I close my eyes in pure, stressless bliss and start swimming in circles. I can hear Arlon’s chuckles, but this time, I do not react to them. I feel too good to even try to interact with anyone, with anything but this water. All my worries have deserted me, I am here, alone, in a valley filled with absolutely nothing. My chin eventually hits the edge and I quickly throw my arms around it. When I open my eyes, I see him again. He looks calm. I like that. He usually looks so tense. Seeing him like this could easily make me emotional, but I am not high enough to admit that physically. Or am I?
I haven’t known him for all too long. I think it would be weird if I was able to get emotional over him. But didn’t I cry for him already?
“You look good like this..” Ah! I didn’t want those words to slip past my lips.
Arlon turns on his side and leans his elbow into the white sand, a small smile slowly growing on his face. “Like what?” He likes compliments. I figured that out very easily in these past few months. Every time I say something nice, he seems to lean into it, like he wants more. I think it’s because of his last relationship. I don’t think he’s ever gotten any compliments from that man.
“When you’re at ease.” I force the words out as I push myself up onto the edge, sand now sticking to my wet body. It makes me groan. I should’ve thought this through. I try to ignore the itchy feeling as I walk up to Arlon. I can see his eyes looking at me, from my own eyes all the way down to my feet. He huffs; I blush. He doesn’t say anything back yet, hands struggling to unbutton his cloak.
“Here. Use this.” He throws it into my hands and I quickly wrap it around my body. It is soft. It smells like him. I want to fall back into my daze and simply take in his scent. I should ask for river fog more often. I haven’t felt this okay in a long while.
I make sure that the cloak is underneath me when I sit down to dry up, and I try not to smile to bright when Arlon scoots closer.
“I must admit that I do feel quite at ease around you.” Why is he being so open all of a sudden? Is it because we’re alone?
Yeah. Yeah, that was definitely a smart thought.
I hate that it makes me want to ask more about him. I want to blame the river fog for everything that is going to come out of my mouth in the next few hours, but I am, myself, extremely curious. “Have you had any lovers that made you feel this way after.. you know.. Eryx..” I don’t want to fight about him again. He isn’t worth it. But I also really want to know more about him, and mentioning Eryx’s name here and there is.. inescapable.
To my extreme relief, Arlon smiles.
“I was a little.. out of control after what I did to Eryx.” Oh! He didn’t flinch just now. He’s simply.. talking. “I did so many embarrassing things that will always haunt me. There was not even a slight chance I was ready for another relationship.” He shakes his head and chuckles. I wish I experienced him in those years. I think? Can I wish that?
“There was someone I liked, though. She was very kind and very interesting. Of course, I treated her like absolute shit, so I had to quit it eventually.” He looks down at his fingers, which are fidgeting like crazy. He really is embarrassed.
“I think that if I kept seeing her, I might’ve actually started loving her, and she didn’t deserve that. She deserved a lot more than what I was able to give.” He frowns while he talks, but in a quite calm way. It doesn’t seem like I should regret asking him.
“It came from a good heart.” It is the only thing I can say.
“Yeah.. I just wish I was better at it back then. I never meant to hurt anyone with how stupid I was.” He lets out a huff. “I’d ask you the same question, but considering you never went outside-“
“There was a servant.” I like this. There is nothing but silence and our own stories surrounding us. We haven’t had a moment like this before. A moment where we simply talk about ourselves, to understand each other better. “I was around fifteen when he started working for us. His mother had gotten sick and dad- the king requested her kid to take her place if they wanted to keep getting paid. It was really sad.” I never wanted to say that word again. In my head, I don’t really have a dad anymore.
“What? That’s sick..” Arlon sighs out, his hand quickly sliding into his hair.
“Yeah. I felt really bad for him.. I really didn’t want him to think we were all like that. It was risky, but I went to him one day, to apologize on behalf of Heseras. I think that little interaction was enough for me to get all.. mushy.” Ah. Now I’m the one to get embarrassed, even if I am talking about myself as a mere, young teen.
“I started sneaking into the kitchen more and more. I mean, I was allowed to go wherever I want as long as I stayed inside, so why not try and make friends?” Heseras hated it. He couldn’t stand to see me walking around. He rather wanted to forget about my existence and let the servants take care of me. He was very good at that.
“I figured I was crushing on him pretty quickly, and since it was the first time that had ever happened to me, I told Zev. I always thought that the eldest would at least care about me in some way, you know?” I know it wouldn’t have gone any differently if I had told Jaya about him. But what if it was Maeve? Would he- who am I kidding? They’re the spitting image of their father. All three of them. There is no way it could’ve gone any differently.
“A few days later, the boy had vanished. I reckon my brother told Heseras. They believed all of his words, so he was probably afraid that I’d infect the boy with my curse. I don’t know. He at least told him for some idiotic fucking reason.” I am a lot angrier at my brothers than I believe most of the time. I always tell myself it isn’t their fault for following Heseras blindly. He’s their father, after all. But then I realize that I am their brother, too. I am family, too.
“Sorry for dropping all of that..” My cheeks are burning up; I hadn’t realized that I was babbling. I need to stop babbling so much.
“I asked the question, didn’t I?” Arlon raises his eyebrows when I look at him, his hands wrapping themselves around mine. “I’m glad you feel good enough to tell something like this. It must’ve been very difficult to go through.”
He respects me. Understands me. It is so different from Chay. He listens, but Arlon sees. I can’t explain it any differently.
“Yeah. You pushed your hook into an unexperienced little fella.” I should’ve kept that to myself.
It makes Arlon laugh, though. “I like the inexperience.”
I roll my eyes at him. “You like the inexperience, really?”
“Yeah. It’s quite cute when you’re confused.” He nudges me with a cheeky look on his face, and I wish I could disappear under the sand. “I’m just messing with you!” He notices the pout and nudges me again. This time, I laugh with him.
I really like him.