55.

Elai's pov

I did not mean for it to go like this. I wanted myself to listen to my father, I wanted myself to kill Arlon the moment I found out who he was. Serving my father was what I was meant to do, what I was meant to do forever. It hurts to know that even in that, I had failed. My father could never be proud of someone like me, because I never do anything good. I know that now. No matter what purpose he would’ve given me, I would’ve fucked it up somehow.
I bet he’ll laugh when he finds out who Arlon is, and that instead of killing him, I laid beside him. I bet he’ll laugh even louder when he hears that I slept fucking well, too. I slept beside the man I am supposed to kill and I slept so. Fucking. Good. I can’t look in the mirror. I can’t tell myself even a single word of comfort. I am stupid, selfish and I have finally become what was always meant to become of me. I am chaos. Nothing but chaos.
I have got to be honest; it terrified me when Arlon forced that blade against his throat. It terrified me because I was holding the weapon; I was the one who was going to make the decision. It was a moment of truth for the both of us, and I still haven’t decided yet if what I did was the right thing. I don’t know if I would’ve felt any better if I had killed him, if I had watched his blood gush out from his skin. Some part of me believes it would’ve been right. Because if I had done it, I wouldn’t have been wearing the clothes from home. I wouldn’t have been wearing the Lylenian colors as I walked down the stairs.
My heart is in my throat. I told Arlon I’d pledge myself to him, that I will do whatever Connie did for him. I haven’t been able to think of my decision yet, because I couldn’t keep my hands off of him last night. I wish I had more time to talk about it, to try and see if I could get out of that impulsive promise. But it is too late for that now; the ritual is beginning the moment I step inside of the Moon house. Arlon had told me about it only once. It is a small building meant for rituals and sacrifices. I wonder if the moon appreciates what they give her.
“Elai! Hey!” Connie seems happy to see me. I can see it by the way his eyes spark when he gets close. “I’m going to have to say that the clothes look great on you.”
“Connie! Are you complementing the Lylenians right now?” I raise my eyebrows at him as we walk to the building, my heart beating out of my chest. I don’t know what to expect.
He nudges me with a soft chuckle. “No. Moving on.”
I chuckle along with him. “Does this mean the famous warrior will watch me become a child of the moon?” The words taste vile in my mouth. I shouldn’t be doing this. The sun will never forgive me for doing this. Unless the myth is true.. unless even she loves the moon.
“I’ve taken Cesilia’s job on my shoulders today. She isn’t feeling all too well..” Connie’s lying. He mumbles the words and is afraid to keep his head up. “And, well.. you know.. Chay’ll be there so..” Ah. There it is. The man switched with his sister to be close to Chay. Of course.
“That was a predictable answer.”
“Shut up or become a witness of my wrath.” Connie makes me laugh.
We walk in silence for quite a while, until our feet reach the grass and the woods whisper in the wind.
“Can I ask you something personal?” My nerves then get the best of me. I need to talk when I’m stressed, to keep focus on something else. It is only fair that Connie becomes the victim of said focus. He nods with an exciting smile on his face, though. Connie seems to like talking about himself and the life he surrounds himself with, which I wholeheartedly admire.
“How’d you get that?” My finger points at his left arm. The creation still catches me attention every time he walks up to me.
Connie only huffs. “War, my friend.”
It is quite obvious that he doesn’t wish to speak of it, but in this moment, I do not care. I have been curious for far too long; I want to know who gave it to him.
“I asked you how you got that one, not how you lost the other.” I am lucky that he laughs. I didn’t mean to offend him, but my words came out rather harsh.
“Chay made it. He abused his power over green magic for me.” Connie sounds guilty.
“He has done that quite some times for me, actually. First my tattoo’s, then my arm.. I owe him a shitload. I am surprised he hasn’t been killed by that green fuckery yet.” He tells me more than I had anticipated, but now that he has, I only want to know more. Connie has a lot he hides behind that bright smile of his, or those glistering eyes.
I am lucky the building is somewhere deep in the woods. It gives me time to ask about him, to try and actually become friends with him. I have to do something now that my purpose is slipping away from me. If I am to stay with Arlon, I have to get to know his friends too, right?
“Isn’t that what the green magic is for, though?”
“Green magic isn’t supposed to fix things, or create new forms of life. It is a dark type of magic, you know. It is evil.”
“But it did work..”
“Yes, because Chay manipulated it. With consequences of course, but he managed to make it listen to him.”
“Consequences?” I frown at him. I haven’t noticed any consequences.
Connie laughs. “I once had a ponytail as long as yours. Had the sides shaved and everything. Looked like a badass fucking warrior.”
I can’t believe what I am hearing as a smile appears on my face.
“Not to mention that both my eyes were blue.”
“Ah, I was already wondering how you got the green eye.”
“Green magic is a bitch, Elai. I’m lucky that I am handsome no matter what, or I would’ve thrown myself into the dragons lair.” Connie nudges me hard enough to make me stumble, my eyes rolling and a chuckle leaving my mouth. “Sure, bad boy.”
“I am serious! If I wasn’t as cool as I am now, I surely would’ve lived a horrible life. It’s too bad the green magic couldn’t take away my awesome-“
“I get it!” I stop him from bragging any more, his laugh quite soothing to my ears. He’s much better than I thought he was. Maybe his ginormous attitude blocked away his true self. Or he just hid it very well, out of precaution. I would’ve understood if he did.
“I can’t believe you had hair once.”
“I still have hair!” Connie ruffles his hand through the tiny, grey hairs and puts on an offened look. I can’t do anything but laugh; he’s actually quite cute.
I don’t tell him that, though. I wouldn’t have even if we hadn’t reached the building yet. “Ah..” I sigh out as we walk up the small set of stairs. Talking to Connie helped; I was focused on something else.
“Nervous?”
“Fucking terrified.”
Connie opens the doors for me. It is cold inside. The walls are high and just as dark as the ones of the castle. It is quite eerie, and if Arlon hadn’t been sitting at the end of the chancel, I would’ve started crying. There is fire burning inside of his hand and an incredibly bored look plastered on his face. I don’t see Chay.