Chapter 50

Ethan's POV
The conversation between me and Elder Rowan began to connect. Almost reaching a bright spot and I will find the answer to my anxiety all this time. I feel like I have reached the discussion that I have been waiting for. There are similarities in the story and background between us. Hopefully, I can dig deeper, and it will lead to my hope that I have been waiting for all this time.
"Bukit Bessara?"
"Yes, that's right, just wait!"
"How long do I have to wait?"
I got an answer that was satisfactory to me.
"I don't know yet, but I can predict it won't be long. Because the event is only for a short time, just one night. At least tomorrow or the day after tomorrow the young elder will arrive here soon. You can get a room to meditate when he arrives."
"Okay, I'll wait for him. But will my feathers fall out tonight too?"
"I don't think so."
"Huh, I don't think so. So you mean you can't be sure and can't guarantee? What if all my feathers fall out before I finally meet the young elder? Can you work things out according to my expectations?"
Elder Rowan smiled again and made me feel scared because he was so calm in facing me who was starting to be arrogant and repeatedly showing my ego that was used to being the Alpha.
My mind was already indifferent to matters of manners and attitudes of respect or honor; all there was was me, who was increasingly strangled by time. So that I really became a hot and blind figure. Urging me to find an answer that could calm my heart so that I could reach the good destiny that I was looking for for my future.
After Elder Rowan smiled and did not answer a word. I began to feel ashamed because I did not get an answer. Silence is one way to respect yourself. I also lowered my head in shame and surrendered to the situation that pounced on me so savagely.
Instantly my claws radiated and were sharp and elongated. My fangs came out on both sides of my gums on the left and right. I was angry and emotional beyond belief. I don't know who I was angry at but it was clear that my emotions were exploding. The rest of my fur stood up and hard. I was no longer able to hold back this excessive feeling of disappointment.
"You will not get any benefit from your anger. Your anger towards your own destiny is truly futile. It would be a great loss if you did it. You better reflect on all these events that could bring you here. Even being able to be present in front of me now. You absorb one by one the journey that you have gone through. That is the answer to all your worries so far." Elder Rowan's words were true. Even very true. I felt that I was just a lousy person. Even my rank as an alpha was useless if I was thrown into a puddle full of emotions. I was just a stupid person if I remained in a raging anger. Because it was useless even though I was so angry, I still wouldn't get a solution. In fact, I tended to be closed and not find a bright spot for solving my problem. I just needed to patiently wait for my time and turn. Even if I had to lose to the situation, then I had won because of patience itself. I fought desperately against myself. I put my palm, which had begun to stick to the surface of the ground and was almost deep. I began to realize that emotional management is important for now. My patience is really being tested now.
After coming to my senses because I was brought to my senses by Elder Rowan, I began to calm down. My body, which had been hot, now started to stabilize again. Slowly, my body temperature decreased, and my claws retracted into my nails. My eyes no longer emitted balls of angry fire. My fangs retracted into my gums.
"Yes, you're right, I'm sorry I was wrong." I lowered my head feeling ashamed and exhausted.
"No, I don't want to be wrong but you're just wrong. It's part of normal life. I can understand you in any situation. Even if you're angry, it's not your fault, but it's your life path that will lead you to a change in life. Even though you'll only get possibilities that you don't know when you're angry. You'll have difficulty controlling yourself and won't be able to see the future with certainty and clarity.”
From his words until here I began to understand that life is like that. He is so wise and very knowledgeable. His words were able to penetrate to the depths of my soul. Even though I had only known him for a few minutes. I just met him now. But he was able to change my perspective to be wiser in interpreting life. In a difficult situation like this, I get meaning and wisdom. Something that I would not get when I was having fun. This is truly a valuable lesson for me and will be a provision for me in leading in the future. That is if my life is still long and I have the opportunity to take advantage of that life itself.
"Forgive me, Elder Rowan." I sobbed uncontrollably. My tears overflowed and I cried like a weak and helpless child. I was really tired and had difficulty breathing.
The elder just nodded and let me be my true self. I realized that all this time I had been too arrogant in living my life. There are many things that I can see in this world. I always feel the best and don't need anyone to be my best teacher. Too arrogant in walking and forgetting something hidden. It turns out that there are many hidden things in this world. I have been mistaken all this time and everything has only just opened up now after I met Elder Rowan. He opened the way for the rest of my unfortunate life. No wonder he is trusted as a great advisor. Because it is proven when I find him now. I feel lucky to have met him.
"Are you done?" He asked softly.
I nodded and looked back at him with admiration. He was really like a magician who was already skilled. Hypnotizing me in an effective way. I was really amazed by his approach method. I just stared at his face for a while longer. I found an extraordinary life from the glare and sparkle of his eyes. His glance radiated a positive aura. He reached all of life including what I didn't know and didn't have time to think of.
"It's good if you already understand yourself."
It turned out he knew what I was thinking and feeling right now.
"I'm confused now about what else to say other than apologizing to you many times, oh great teacher."
Now I have difficulty continuing the words as before.