Chapter 7 - Strange feelings

***Hopes pov***

Sitting at my kitchen table I stare at the clock on the wall.
The dream from last night is still lingering, some parts fading, some parts still very clear. It was like I was there..with my head on the beautiful woman’s lap wile she was stroking my hair, telling me a story about a wolf and a girl. I have to stop watching fantasy movies, they are start to mess with my head.
“Move dammit!” I say annoyed to the clock on the wall with time passing too slow.
Ive been awake for hours and my bag is already packed.
It’s one more hour until the zoo open. I really need to see my wolves.
I don’t know why and they are not my wolves, I know that, even so, I really need to see them. Ever since yesterday, I have felt strange. Nervous, hot, excited, irritated, sad and giggling, all at the same time. I was searching my mind for reasons to my emotions going haywire and my mind went to Kyle. He triggered something in me yesterday, but why? I felt like a horny teenager when I got home, I spent an hour in a cold shower before calming down.
I was trying to image Kyles hands and lips on my body, and I almost gaged. No, the reason was definitively not Kyle. Was it my body telling me twenty-two years is long enough? Did my body pushing me to take the next step to womanhood?
A nervous giggle slipped thru my lips. Wouldn’t that be great!?
My own body is telling me enough is enough.
Being a virgin at twenty-two is probably quite unusual, at least if you count among nonreligious people.
It hasn’t really been an active choice for me, but I’ve never gotten to the point where I felt ready to take the plunge either. I’m not waiting for the right one to come along and all that, I just haven’t met anyone who has made me even think along those lines yet.
A dull pain spreads low in my belly. Could that be it? Is it time for my period?
I check the calendar in my phone, nope still one and a half week to go.
I get up and pour myself yet another cup of coffee, trying to calm my nerves.

I’m the first one in when the gates at the zoo unlock. Today I don’t care about the dolphins or the snakes. But I visit the bunnies to sniff them a bit before heading up the hill to the wolves.
When I arrive I don’t se them. Their enclosure is big for a Town Zoo. Maybe they are on the other side. I decide to stay put, don’t want to miss them if I try to walk around getting to the other side. I slide down, leaning my back to the fence and wait.
I still have one more hour before my shift at the daycare center starts, so it’s hopefully enough time. I grab my phone from my bag, scrolling through facebook and give a few likes, the news, reading about missing people, and some other apps.
Reaching in to my bag I’m pulling out a package of beef jerky and a bottle of water. Not an ideal breakfast, but not the worst either.
A small whine behind me makes me turn around.
“Oh, hi, sweetie!” I say to the little she wolf on the other side of the fence.
She is the youngest of them, only a little over a year, so basicly still a pup.
“Where are the others?” “Were is mommy and daddy?” I ask her while scratching her ear between the bars and squeeze in a piece of meat to her.
She gulps down the treat and then stretches the neck and sniffs the air. She looks around, seems a little nervous and unsettled.
“What is it girl? Do you smell something? I say, trying to get her attention back.
She whines again, and runs off as I hear a howl from the Alpha male deep in the enclosure. The howl sounded sad, desperate almost, and I frown.
A zookeeper is walking by, so I call her to stop.
“Excuse me, miss!”
“Can you please tell me, is something wrong with the wolves?” I ask.
“Well, we are not sure yet, but the alpha female may be sick,” she answers
“It’s probably nothing, maybe something she ate. We decided to wait and see how the day goes,” she says when she sees the concerned look on my face.
“Oh, ok, thank you.” She can probably see it didnt calm me down but I tried giving her a small smile.
A lump is forming in my throat. Missing my furry, goofy friends, I look over the fence, hoping to see atleast one of them, but I don’t and again I hear the alpha’s sad howl.
“Ill be back later, promise!” I whisper.
As I turn to leave the wind picks up, carrying a scent straight to my nose.
It smells like freshly cut timber and pine cones. I take a deep breath and feel something stir inside me.
“Super, now I have the hots for trees” I murmur, leaving the zoo.

As usual Maya is waiting for me when I arrive. My vest slowly swinging in her hand.
“You look like shit” She says, a hint of concern in her eyes
I take my vest to put it on, thinking about ignoring her comment but at the same time feel the need to vent.
“ Yeah, I feel like shit..weird dreams and my hormones is all over the place”
“Sounds like some juicy dreams, feel free to share” Maya wiggles her eyebrows
“Thats just it, the dreams are of a total different nature, no boys or anything like that but they are so real. The hormones is just in my waking state. I trained with Kyle yesterday and i spent an hour in a cold shower after!”
“Kyle? The man-slut? I didn’t know you had the hots for him?” Maya looked surprised but intrigued, a small smile on her lips.
“I don´t! Not even the slightest! And the other day, I reacted to Jesse as well!”
“Well, that I can understand, than man is like a Greek god, my hormones is stirring just thinking about him” Maya said.
I already knew she likes his physique and they would make a gorgeous couple but the few times they met it became very clear they had nothing but their good looks in common, except for me that is.
“I think you need to get out, dance, drink, meet people and have some fun!
It’s been a long time, to long!. All you do is work, exercise and hang around the wolves at the zoo and dont get me wrong, you know I love you and all your weird sides but I think your body is telling you, you need to let loose once in a while” Maya is looking at me like she is looking at a puzzle.
I felt a sharp pain in my stomach and bent over a bit while grinding my teeth, waiting for it to pass.
“Hey, are you okay?” Mayas puzzled face replaced by one full of concern
“Yeah, it will pass, it has been like this for a few hours..maybe I’m coming down with something” the pain receded and I stood up once again, giving Maya a smile to tell her not to worry.
I know Maya’s concern is genuine and despite our differences she is my best friend so I’d rather see her usual mischievous smile than a worried expression in that pretty face of hers. So when the first car drove up I gave her a wink.
“So, who are you going to mess with today?”


The day at the center went by in a blur.
It is Thursday and that means baking and fingerpaint. We started off with baking buttermilk biscuits and then cinnamon buns.
Even though we tried to be careful so that the children wouldn’t eat the dough, there were only two of us and fifteen children, so the occasional piece of dough slipped past the little mouths and I sincerely hoped that we would avoid stomach cramps during the day.
The fingerpaint went a little crazy, it started calmly, we rolled out a long piece of paper to make a large mural. All the kids got along at first until someone got to close to another and accidentally smeared paint where it shouldn’t have been. Soon we were all laughing and everyone had paint on their faces and on their aprons. The painting itself also became a jumble of colors. Small handprints, playful patterns and the occasional flower from one of the older children. In my opinion, it was a painting full of laughter and joy and I could already see it adorning one of the long white walls in the lunchroom
At lunch, the kitchen was serving minestrone soup that went perfect with the biscuits. We all enjoyed the food to the children’s proud smiles when they were praised for the good bread.

My belly was still hurting, the pain was dull, but it was there so when it was time for the youngest children to have their nap after lunch, Maya told me to lie down for a while as well.
“I swear, if I have to look att your pale face a minute longer, I’m changing shift!” She says, pushing me to the nap room.
Even though we’ve had fun with the kids, baking and painting, I’ve noticed that Maya has been keeping an eye on me to see that I’m ok. I’ve tried to put on a good face to hide the worst peaks of pain not to worry her.
I give in and join the kids to rest for a while after assuring Maya that I’m okay.

I lay down next to Sara, a little four-year-old with beautiful dark hair and big hazel colored eyes, she snuggles up against my chest and I can feel as her head is heavy that she is really tired.
While stroking her back, I think about what I should do. Should I see a doctor about my stomach?
A psychologist regarding my dreams? The memories of my childhood and all the doctors and heavy medicines make me abandon that idea. Even though the dreams are terrifyingly real, they’re just dreams and I’m an adult now so I can handle it..Right?
My body goes numb and my eyes won’t stay open. Sara’s deep breaths lull me and I soon drift off to sleep.

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*Author Note: Thank you for reading!
This is my first book and English is not my native language so please leave a kind ccomment to point out mistakes.
* Make sure to like the chapter if you enjoyed it!