Chapter 56

Emily's POV
　　With the concerted efforts of Andre and Nathan, the rumors soon disappeared from the Internet. Andre, to divert everyone's attention and to prove his identity, used the company's official account to post the news that I was his fiancée.
　　But the comments were not all blessings, I took my phone and looked through other people's messages. Many people said that I was not qualified to be Andre's fiancee, and some even speculated that even if Andre and I got married one day we would still get divorced because he and I were not a good match.
　　I was a little frustrated, but I didn't think they were wrong. I know the gap between Andre and me. I suddenly remembered the day I went to Nathan's house and saw Rosen.
　　They seemed to be getting along really well and I could tell that Nathan had accepted Rosen and was starting to like her. While I was happy about this, I also understood that it was because Rosen was very attractive in her own right as a lady raised by an elite family and was able to help Nathan at work.
　　Toby didn't like me, and his company was bankrupt. I couldn't find anything that would qualify me to be Andre's fiancée.
　　Other than the fact that Andre and I loved each other, it was the only thing that gave me the courage to face the future because Andre loved me enough.
　　"Emily and Andre have been dating for about a year now, and I like Emily. I hope Andre and Emily can get engaged and get married soon so that Emily can quit her job and focus on taking care of Kate at home."
　　Jane set the date of the dinner for the weekend, and when Andre and I arrived, Jane and Wilson, and Hellen were already sitting in the restaurant room waiting.
　　Andre and I had planned to bring Hellen along, but Jane had picked Hellen up first. I was also very happy that Jane and Hellen's relationship could be so friendly.
　　During lunch, Jane and Hellen kept talking. The conversation somehow turned to the matter of Andre and I getting married.
　　As I listened to Jane's words, she meant that she wanted me to give up my career and stay at home and live completely on Andre. To concentrate on being a woman who takes care of the family and the children.
　　I was a little unhappy that this wasn't what I wanted. I want to have my own business and a steady source of income, not to be behind Andre all the time and only rely on him so I can live.
　　"I think so too, getting married sooner so they can have time for other things, but it's still up to them both, dear Jane."
　　"I think you're right, Hellen. so, what's your opinion, Emily?"
　　Jane's question, though directed at both Andre and me, called out my name alone. It was as if she knew Andre would agree with her. I looked up and noticed that everyone in the room was looking at me.
　　I didn't know how to answer the question, much less tell Jane and Hellen outright that I didn't want to get married too early, knowing that if I told them the truth, Jane would never be as gentle with me as she was now.
　　"I'm sorry, I don't know how to make a decision, I'll leave this matter to Andre."
　　I couldn't help but choose to avoid the question, I looked up at Andre, hoping he would understand my inner thoughts to reject this proposal of Jane.
　　"I don't think this matter needs to be rushed, we can take our time to discuss it. The main purpose of our gathering today is to celebrate Hellen's full recovery from his illness, the rest is unimportant."
　　I was relieved that Andre could see my unhappiness and prayer and chose to change the subject, and Jane, hearing him say that, did stop throwing questions at Andre and me based on the issue.
　　I glanced at Andre gratefully, and his words solved my dilemma. But inside I felt a little guilty, knowing that Andre's thoughts were no different from Jane's, except that he probably wouldn't want me to quit.
　　But he gave up what he thought inside for me. Burdened with the risk of being hated by Hellen, he said these words just so I could relax a bit.
　　But I can't imagine what kind of vicious language I would face if I chose to marry Andre at my present age. There would certainly be people who would mock me for choosing to be with Andre because of money.
　　There would be people who would describe me in the most insulting terms where I couldn't see them, and I couldn't care less about what they said. I am not mentally prepared to use my strongest side to face what may happen in the future.
　　I was so weak now that if I hadn't met Andre I would have become one of those women in the club who would sleep with any man for money because of Hellen's medical bills.
　　The gap between me and Andre is too big, and I can't ignore that gap and let go of my feelings to ignore everything. I couldn't accept that I would be stuck in that villa for the rest of my life, the wife of a rich, elite family who had no ego and only cared about her husband and children.
　　I wanted to have my reputation, at work or otherwise. I wanted to be able to marry Andre after I had made a steady and trustworthy contribution to my work.
　　At that time I would have been strong enough that no one would have questioned my marriage to Andre. I wouldn't have to worry about anything else, and now I could be engaged to Andre first, but as for marriage, I'd like to wait a little longer.
　　"Emily, can you tell me why you acted so resistant when Jane offered to have the wedding sooner?"
　　Andre and I returned to the villa and he looked me straight in the eye, looking at me seriously. I knew he needed my answer badly, and I didn't want to hide it from Andre, he was my partner and he needed to know how I felt inside.
　　"I'm sorry, Andre. the truth is, I'm not rebelling against getting married, and I certainly want us both to live a very happy life with legal status. But I think the date can be pushed back a bit, the gap between us is too big and I know you don't care about that but I can't help but care."
　　I sighed and tried as patiently as I could to explain my innermost thoughts to Andre so he wouldn't get the wrong idea that I didn't want to be married to him.
　　"I hope that we can get married when I have made more progress in my work, or when I have become strong enough to put a little distance between you and me so that we don't look too far apart in our status. Andre, please believe me that I will try to do this and not make you wait too long. Can you understand my heart?"
　　I looked at Andre and I hoped that he would understand what was going on inside me. It was something I had been thinking about for a long time, and I desperately needed someone to affirm me.
　　"I believe you, of course, and I'm willing to wait. But I still want you to be able to not be so burdened, and I want you to be able to relax and have a good time."
　　Andre looked a little lost, but he chose to encourage me anyway. He was always like that, after he and I became a couple, he supported me in everything I wanted to do without any conditions.
　　I felt very guilty inside for Andre, but I couldn't give him the very positive answer he was expecting. I was so self-conscious and weak that I was worried about things that might not happen in the future.
　　I was afraid that Andre would cheat on me many years later, or find another lover. I can't imagine how I would face life with nothing but Andre at that time.
　　I think I may have a pre-marital phobia, which makes me worry that life will be bad after marriage. It's not that I don't trust Andre, I just don't trust myself.
　　I worry that the gap between us is so big that I will become unsure of myself and that I will do things that will be frowned upon as a result of holding Andre tightly in my hands. I worry even more that I will be disliked by Andre later because I can't help him at work.
　　Just thinking about this gave me a headache, and I couldn't feel calm inside for a long time as I watched Andre sleeping.
　　"Susan, it's so late, what's up?"
　　"Emily, I'm getting married. You and Andre are invited to come to my wedding with Kevin."