Chapter 30

Ivis POV
Something has been bothering me a lot lately, always seeing a person in my dream for a while, a smiling face looking at me with sad eyes, it was definitely hinted with disappointment but no, it"s a glint of regret and repressed loneliness. Reminding me of the look on my mom's face whenever she was bothered or disappointed.
I always stare at people"s face, not that it was a hobby or a thing of mine, its not that I felt great when I look at people's eyes and its definitely not a habit either. I just like seeing expressions, different set of reactions whether it was a faked smile to hide pain, a laugh of bitterness, a hint of unnerving jealousy or a poker faced response. It would always bring a wave of excitement and an unending thrill to my boring life.
Sure, I have everything but I never had this so called "genuine happiness" that many people speak about, it was quite confusing but it has its perks. Therefore, the journey of scrutinizing and understanding people that I got dragged into, made me stumble upon the kinkiest kink. Recently has been a torturing event, a wave of sleepless nights and a total malfunction of my entire system had driven me insanely mad. I couldn"t get that smiling face out of my head! No matter how busy I made myself to forget thinking, it would popped up after a second of rest or thought. I couldn"t shut my brain down nor restart it. I went to the island where I secluded my favorite to— favorite players. Since, they entertain my boredom and bring the laughs out of me, I kept them.
We arrived in the Island, got down from the plane and my gut is already urging me to see that god darn nightmare of a face. I was quite thrilled, never expected myself to long for someone's look, not that I hated it. I scan through the members count them one by one, searching for his features but he"s not there. It's quite disappointing that he didn"t greet me but I don"t care, he's inside anyway. I straddled my way to the terrace seeing a sleeping face that I missed and resented. My heart itched, wanting to strangle his neck but something is telling me that I missed him, missed that nightmarish smile that tortured me for days and that soulless eyes that flicker a glint of joy when he saw me the first time.
I climbed up and sit on his stomach, staring at his close shut eyes as I unconsciously reached out my hand touching his pale cheeks. He suddenly woke up which scared the shit out of me, damn don"t open your eyes abruptly! He looked at me quite dazed, giving me a blank face. I stared at him, feeling something weird at my stomach that I unconsciously kiss his lips, I smiled, trying to not get his pissed or shocked reaction because I did an unbelievable thing! I couldn"t stop, we did speak but I couldn"t remember. Still trying to stole a smack or two and expecting a reaction but he just smiled...
Smiled genuinely that it sparkled a hint of joy in his eyes.....
It put a lump on my throat, I leaned down burying my face on his chest. Its so shameful, I just met him a month or so and its not even a physical meet up. But here I was, being clingy and hungry for his touch. It"s a bit of a bother but I don"t want him to hate me, suddenly a waft of fresh peach scent tickled my nose, soothing my mind, tucking me to sleep....
At last... my long awaited rest...
Jiwoon went on the kitchen seeing a child on the countertop grinning mercilessly at him. What the fuck? He stepped inside aiming to talk to Yenn. They haven"t talk for a week and it really made him feel a bit remorseful for what happened back then. He admitted to himself that he wasn"t thinking straight back then and he forced Yenn for that. It was truly an unforgivable thing to do but—he want his forgiveness, he had to get his forgiveness no matter what or his plan would fail and he don"t want that.
"Yenn" he called out softening his tone. Damn that was lame but he had to endure it. He saw the kid arched his brow at him scrutinizing his gaze and movement then the kid smirked mockingly at him. What the? He jumped off the countertop then hugged Yenn from behind whispering something in his ears that made the both of them looked at him surprised. Huh?!
"What did you say?"
Yenn glared at him gritting his teeth and his fists was clenching tightly showing the veins in his white knuckles.
"I didn"t say anything...yet?" he furrowed his brows. Why the hell is he being mad for? What the fuck did that kid say to him? He inhaled deeply and looked straightly at his eyes then he said in a mellow tone.
"I"m sorry about that time, can you forgive me? I—"
"I told you didn"t I, things don"t work that way and you can"t take back what you did to me unless—you let me do it to you too" his tone deep and serious with rage stating every word fiercely. He flinched, he never saw Yenn this mad at him, his golden eyes were already tainted with blood and he was staring murderously at him. Was it so bad? He felt every hair on his body stood up, he never felt scared before but right now it feels different. He no longer knew himself, he was already—completely controlled by the guy in front of him. He looked away, his heart was beating fast and he felt a weird shudder in his spines. He glanced at the kid then to Yenn meeting his golden eyes with his. He suddenly felt something weird on his stomach, something that tickles his insides as he looked at him. It"s weird but he didn"t hate it. He coughed and then he avert his gaze to his body, his heart was still beating loudly—repulsively and weirdly but this time not because of fear but because of shock and bewilderment.
He suddenly realized..
He wanted Yenn.
He gritted his teeth, no it can't be that he's just fucking pent up. He just want to fuck him and he already did, yeah that's it—he just want that from him. He looked at Yenn's eyes locking his gaze to his golden irises, right now, he"ll lower his pride just this once and he swore that he'll never ever do this again. He opened his mouth then closed it, still contemplating at the decision he will make, this is rash and not totally rational but he need to no—he had to—just this once. He clenched his fist then glanced at the child as he focused his eyes to Yenn. Right now, his forgiveness is all that matters.
He walked closer to Yenn and held his hand giving it a kiss as he kneel down with his leg professing his sincerity.
"I"ll do anything but that so...please forgive me."
"Really?"
He nod slowly as he look straightly into Yenn's eyes.
"Yes, anything just—not that"
Yenn looked convinced but he still had a doubt lingering in his eyes. He humped coldly then turn his back around him, seems that he's thinking about what he would make him do. He sighed in anger.
"Be my slave for a month then, do anything I want and never ever try to complain. Can you do that?"
Yenn glanced at him fiercely. A month? But I just fuck him for an hour or two? Why do I have to be his slave for a month that's fucking unfair. He wanted to disagree but Yenn quickly said another word "If you don't want that then just let the others watch how you bend down and finger your ass until you came in front of them." His face paled when everything sink into his brain then he glared at Yenn but it was futile since his back was facing him. "Now choose or just let me fuck you" he added then he walked away holding Ivis hands.
Jiwoon froze, those choices were too hard. Why does he need to do something like that, he had to ask for forgiveness and he already lower himself enough but why do Yenn want to lower him more. He hated him yes, but this is going too far. He shouldn"t have asked for forgiveness or anything, he should"ve just fuck him again and no—not that. He shouldn"t have rape him back then so he won't be regretting things now—so that he won't feel any guilt. Why did he even feel so guilty? He—did he really changed? He never knew himself anymore. If he let Yenn fucked him, it would totally shatter everything and he would lose his goddamn pride but if he do that thing in front of everyone—no fucking way it's just the same thing and he don't want to humiliate himself up to that point and that image would definitely be engraved in everyone's mind and he would be a laughingstock for the rest of his life. "Be his slave?" he wrinkled his brows thinking deeply, it would be endurable since it's only for a month but being a slave seems... fuck! No way and he wouldn"t lower himself to that guy but—his mind flashed himself being fucked by Yenn and he was laughing devilishly at him then the next one was him fingering his ass in front of everyone as they all look at him with disgust and pity. Fuck that"s gross. Damn it. Fine. I....
I would be his s—slave, just for a uh...month and that would hurt him less. It wouldn"t be that bad...right? Yeah, it won't be that bad.
Yenn went outside with Ivis they decided to wait for the food supply from the helicopters. They both sat at the sand relaxing in it. His thoughts was a mess but he didn"t regret saying those harsh words to Jiwoon, he had to realize the heaviness that he did. He had been ignoring him that whole time because he hated his face. He don't want to see the guy who raped him like that and he never want to forgive him no matter what but—why does he want his forgiveness.
He sighed diverting his thoughts into happy moments. He glanced at the sand then he remembered Karin, she kissed him when they were sitting in these very sand last week. She want to test it out between them and he agreed with her demands and they both had a hot steamy kiss. His lips curved into a smile, remembering pleasant things really help him to forget the bad ones.
"Hey, what are you thinking about"
Ivis voice snapped his thoughts back to reality. He looked at him and smiled nonchalantly.
"Nothing, I just remembered a great thing"
"Like what?"
Ivis stared at his eyes competing with his gaze hinting him to turn away but he just smiled and began telling the story.
Last week, Karin and Yenn went out to the beach, they were enjoying the view and also he asked her a chance if things could work out between them. He like her since the very first day and he knew that Karin must like him too. Well, she kissed him and said maybe they can give it a try so he was in ecstasy after hearing that. Since things worked out between them, his mind was filled with lovely thoughts. He glanced at Ivis who had a sour expression in his face, he chuckled and ruffled his hair. Kids still don"t understand this kind of things so he might be confused and cringed out. He smiled at him aiming to asked for his side too, maybe he had a crush on someone since he must have been in that age. How old is he anyway?
"Ivis, how old are you" he curiously asked him.
"Fifteen, Princess" he simply replied, his gaze was examining the expression on his face. Well, he"s not surprised but he was really young to solely create an incredible game. Too smart for a kid, it"s quite scary but he"s totally amazing.
"You"re still young but you"re too smart. I bet everyone is so proud of you" he gave him a nudge, slightly showing his enviousness. "Then are you proud of me?" Ivis asked, his expression was quite troubled and dismayed. Does no one seems proud of him? "Yeah, totally" he smiled warmly at him as he lightly pinched his cheeks.
"You... remind me of my mother" he heard him say in a low voice. His blue eyes drooped into a typhoon of emotions. He was sad but he chose to smile, he must be holding everything inside him for too long. That"s too hard for a child, he must"ve been left out. "Is she okay" he asked biting his lips. "She"s dead" Ivis shrugged and finally got up removing the sand that stick to his pants. He gave him a bitter smile then finally walk away.