Chapter 48

There are times when you need to let things go and there"s also that moment you have to realize how to give up so when that happens you just had to end it. Sometimes it"s not the best choice but it is the only way to break the pain.
Jiwoon made that choice even if he already knew how painful it would be. He need to stop.
He don"t want to get hurt.
He is selfish.
But he knew it himself that there"s nothing wrong about letting someone go. He never felt something so painful like this before but he really had to let go.
He need to move on with his feelings.
He had to forget everything and not think about it anymore.
No more sweet kisses.
No more warm cuddles.
No more heart fluttering whispers.
And no more Yenn.
He buried his head in his palms, holding his tears back and gritting his teeth in frustration and pain. He shouldn"t cry, he mustn"t.
He shouldn"t be agonizing over the non-existent break up.
He shouldn"t be pitying himself right now.
He shouldn"t have hoped.
And he shouldn"t have realized his feelings.
He really shouldn"t....
So he won"t be hurting this this much.
He did his best to reprimand himself. Don"t cry over it but all his pleas to stop was goddamn futile and the sorrowful tears came streaming down to his cheeks—showing his deep feelings that he carefully hide from Yenn for all those months they"ve been together.
Why didn"t he realized it sooner....?
Why is it so late?
Why is it now, when it"s already way too late?
Why did he even realize that he love him already?
And why does Yenn doesn"t like him back?
Why the false hope?
"Just why, Yenn... " he murmured beneath his breath.
He wiped his tears with his palms. Thank goodness he"s in the bathroom.
Jiwoon washed his face on the running water in the sink and look at himself in the mirror. Red eyes, he never seen himself like this—not even once in his entire life he cried that much. He then inched his head to the faucet to soak himself.
He felt the cool water and finally felt better.
He checked his eyes again and see it was still swollen but it wasn"t that noticeable so he twisted the faucet handle and closed it.
He then dried his hair with a towel and go out.
On his way, he was seen by Byul and he eagerly nudge his shoulder.
"Hyung, not sticking with Yenn today? I thought you two had a date?"
Byul smirked at him and wriggled his eyebrows to tease him. Jiwoon paused for a moment to stare at him then after a minute of silence he opened his mouth.
"I ended it"
"What?!"
Byul looked at him shocked and then he pat his back.
"You know, you did the right thing. But how"s it in Yenn"s?"
"You cared for him more than me too? Am I not a human too? Byul." Jiwoon smiled bitterly.
"Of course, you are but I mean did he really not feel anything for you?"
Byul looked at him with concern but deep beneath his eyes he was pitying him. A typical face of a saint. He stared at him and looked away in pain.
"He never even saw me as a person or as me. He never called me by name. He"s just treating me like a dog. Why would I even hope? I can"t bark just the way he want. I am human too."
"I"m sorry to hear that"
"It"s okay."
"Well, if you want some help. Let"s drink beers, yeah?"
"Sure"
"Tell us about it then."
"Uh-huh"
"Make sure!"
Jiwoon just shook his head and walked away. He don"t want to talk about that topic anymore. It"s too painful.
He went downstairs and headed to the terrace for their main event. He sat on the corner and just look at them preparing for the trick-or-treaters to come. Hailey saw him and walked toward him.
"Hey, aren"t you joining? I thought you guys would spend the day together?"
"No."
"Why? Did something happen? Is it because of me? God I"m so sorry!"
Hailey looked around looking for Yenn—aiming to explain it to him about earlier but Jiwoon grabbed her wrist. She flinched and look at him. He invite him to sit beside him which she did—she sensed something was going on.
"We— we really didn"t planned to spend the day together so don"t blame yourself"
"Oh then what happened. You two were kinda cold with each other"
"We had a fight but it"s not because of you. So don"t ever think of approaching him to explain."
"Okay? So...uh what really happened? You look like you cried."
Jiwoon laughed a bit. He didn"t expect someone would notice. He wet his lips and explained.
"I got dust in my eyes. It"s not tears."
"You think I"m stupid?"
Hailey laughed at him and then she pat her shoulder and leaned to whisper something in his ear. She then looked at Yenn in a distance—who"s staring at them and she smiled at him. Yenn just arched his brow at her and turned away.
"Its about Yenn isn"t it?"
Jiwoon just nodded casually at her. Their faces were too close but he don"t feel anything—just the regret and loneliness. Hailey back away and looked at him silently—waiting for him to speak but Jiwoon remained silent. She waited another minute but it was still the unbreakable silence. She sighed and finally give up. Looks like Jiwoon doesn"t want to talk about it so she can"t just force him to voice it out. They"re not that close.
"If you want some advice. I can give you, just tell me okay"
Jiwoon nodded at her but he"s clearly spacing out. She just shook her head and walk away. If seems that something bad happened to them. She shouldn"t pry more into it. After all, she doesn"t have anything to do with it.