Chapter 55

Jiwoon sighed in the kitchen. He start running the water and soaked the plates. He then start squeezing the sponge and washes the plates.
Why does he look like that?"
He let it another long sigh and reminiscence about yesterday.
Yenn stayed silent, he wasn"t shock or did he froze in his spot. He just stared at him quietly and study his facial expression. It was hella awkward and he don"t know what to say. Should he take that back? Maybe he should"ve make an excuse but he don"t seems to find a way to berate or refute his words.
He looked back into Yenn"s golden eyes and it was just there—gleaming as he stared at him quietly. He scratched the back of his neck and then slowly massage it. It was embarrassing and he really don"t get why Yenn was still not talking. He"s beginning to become fidgety and weird inside. Silent treatment was damn scary and right now he"s receiving it after he just confessed.
Was it too hard to take?
Does Yenn start laughing on his mind or was he just being paranoid because of the tensed atmosphere?
Jiwoon opened his mouth then he closed it again. He really don"t know what to say.
After that long moment of silence and intense staring at each other, Yenn finally sighed and shook his head. Jiwoon aside, tensed up even more. Is Yenn gonna reject him now? He frowned and dart his eyes on the floor. He really don"t want to hear it. Now, he clearly understand what was the downside of being rash.
He couldn"t blame himself, he blurted it out in a spur of the moment and he just couldn"t find himself to take it back. Right now, he just need to faced the answer of this person and calmly take it—but...
He"s totally panicking!
His heart thumped on his chest, he don"t know if the world really slowed down or it was just his senses that became slow because of the rapid beating of his heart—that right now, he seems to count every of it. He looked at Yenn silently and just studied his face that are looking at him too.
He could feel the piercing stare up to his soul, it was gentle and seems to be contemplating. He get what he feels right now and it was a dilemma for him too. They both had the same thoughts of confusion and unsureness of what to say.
He couldn"t take it,
Jiwoon don"t want to hear the saddening rejection and Yenn couldn"t explain what he felt. They are both in an awkward state. Yenn faced up and wet his lips then he sighed softly. He had to say it or Jiwoon would be too anxious for his long reply.
"I..." he looked at Jiwoon"s eyes. "I really don"t know what to say but if it"s really that you like me can you wait until I made up my mind to tell my feelings wholeheartedly? I still want to understand you, so—"
"I"m sorry, I"m too stupid for saying that too early and I wasn"t thinking about what your reaction would be. Let"s take some time as you said but please don"t avoid me anymore"
Jiwoon cleared his throat and face Yenn who"s already chuckling at his flustered face. He looked at him seriously and Yenn just smiled at him.
"Okay"
***
Jiwoon closed the faucet and wipe the sink with a damp cloth. He then turned to the counter to clean it too. He sighed softly and smiled unconsciously. Yenn must be asleep by now. It"s nine o"clock and he should be in his room. He hummed and went to the direction of the stairs. A light clicked of someone"s tongue paused his steps. He then looked at the dark corner near the stair and saw a peeking eyes. It then put a smile on it"s lips and called out.
"Can I talk to you for a moment?"
Jiwoon furrowed his brow and nodded in understanding.
"What"s this about?"
"What could it be about if it"s not him?"
"Oh? Okay, what"s the matter?"
"Do me a favor yeah?"
The two people talked with each other for a while and after they wrapped out the talk Jiwoon finally waved goodbye.
"I"ll try but don"t expect too much."
"I"m counting on you mate."
Jiwoon felt him pat his shoulder and the person walked away. What"s up with him? He kinda felt the sense of danger but his voice was too gentle that it seems absurd. Jiwoon shook his head and finally walked upstairs smiling. Yenn was still up and waiting for him.
He reached the seventh floor and harried towards his room and open the door excitedly. Yenn was there—on his bed and reading a notebook. He widen his eyes and ran to his side. What if he see something in there?! Damn he should"ve hide it!
His face was then filled with cold sweats and he let out an awkward smile and it turned into a guilty one. Yenn just glanced at him and smiled, he shook his head and continue to read something on the notebook.
"I didn"t know you use something like this"
"I"m sorry"
He automatically replied and wet his lips. He was really sweating so hard that he would feel dehydrated after this moment. Yenn just looked at him innocently then flipped another page.
"Is there something in this book? Why are you acting so strange?"
"No. There"s nothing there and why are you reading it anyway. Its—" he scratched his head an look away. "really embarrassing"
Yenn raised a brow and then skim through the pages more. The words were all arranged in the same manner and he couldn"t help but get confused about what it meant. There were words that are crossed off and scribbled off and there"s only one word that were circled among the other ones. Simply, it pique his curiosity and interest. What does it meant and why did Jiwoon write them that way.
"Umm you shouldn"t be reading that lousy writing"
"I"m just curious about you and it"s not lousy."
"Well, you can just ask me you know. "
"Then, why are they written like this?"
Yenn pointed at the notebook and Jiwoon leaned in to him. He then remembered something in that certain word—the moment he wrote that. It was when he was thinking how to get him fall! Damn why didn"t he tore that part off. It would be hard to tell Yenn that and he would surely hate him again if he did. How should he tell him that? Of course, not that one. He looked at Yenn and faked his wondering act and just casually sighed.
"I don"t know what that part is, but maybe the other one?"
Yenn just nodded and flipped over the pages and stopped at the word that were encircled 'Slave'. Now that made him lose his will even more. Yenn eyed him up and saw his uncomfortableness. He then flipped out another page and just looked at Jiwoon nonchalantly.
"This are something about me, right?"
He asked in a serious and Jiwoon just look at him silently as if telling him yes in his eyes. He let out an O sound and casually flipped on the pages then one sentence caught his eye.
'Call his name always and don"t piss him off. Use the softest tone just to be safe'
He burst out in laughter after he read that line and gave Jiwoon a teasing look. Jiwoon just looked away embarrassed and awkwardly cleared his throat. It made him laugh even more but..
Yenn paused when he realized something at that very moment. It— it was what Jiwoon did back then...
He was really surprised when he suddenly called his name out of the blue but now it makes sense. He gasped in that moment of realization.
Was Jiwoon genuinely want to make up with him then? He looked down to the notebook and then glanced quietly to Jiwoon who"s still asking him not to read it anymore with his eyes. He turned his attention to the scribbled letters and then to the sentence again. Jiwoon did something he didn"t know just to make up with him huh? He then flipped the pages and paid attention to he scribbled letters and encircled words. It seems that he was choosing between them and would do it afterwards. Like this slave word, he agreed back then. Exposure, that word he said to him when Jiwoon was helping him to cure a non-existent frigidity. It wasn"t just that and he flipped more pages and look into everything in it one by one.
After a moment he let out a long sigh and already understood everything that was written in the notebook. He closed the notebook and then look at Jiwoon teary-eyed. He finally realized that he was the scum and not Jiwoon. He really think about him and even do things like this secretly. He grit his teeth in guilt and look at Jiwoon. Now he knows... who"s the real jerk between them—he was! He was a damn hypocrite himself and this person...
This person really...
Like him too much...
Yenn smiled bitterly at himself and then he looked straightly into Jiwoon eyes again—as if he couldn"t help but feel more guilty of what he did. He hurt him too. What a scum he is...
"Are you okay?"
Jiwoon furrowed his brow and for the first time, Yenn feel the concern and worry in his voice. It was the very first time he understood someone else feelings.