Chapter 37

It was a lovely afternoon, Yenn didn"t expect that he and Jiwoon could have a casual talk and a very simple conversation that was... really weird and quite remarkable. It was unbelievable but it feels great. He don"t scare him that much anymore unlike then. He sat at the counter watching Jiwoon move around the oven, he was currently pouring the mixture in the cupcake pan. So, he could bake...' he thought, he stared at him when he finally put the pan in the oven. Jiwoon turned his head meeting his gaze, jolting his body in a sense of panic. He caught him staring but so what, he shoot him a scrutinizing glare that made Jiwoon chuckle at his flunky attempt of cover up.
"Stop glaring, your face is cuter when you smile" he smiled at him as he sat in the countertop too, inching a bit farther so he wouldn"t feel uncomfortable.
"How can you say so?"
"Well, I"ve seen it when you talked to Karin. Perhaps you like her that much? You"re grinning so wide"
"How about you? Don"t you like her too? You"re always looking at us don"t you?" he answered him with another question. He had his suspicions that Jiwoon probably like her or else he won"t do that to him. He still want to understand why, so the best thing was to confirmed his feelings and suspicions about him.
"No, I don"t. I"m not looking at her though"
"Then who are you looking at? If you like her then don"t deny it. Isn"t that the reason why you hate me?"
"I"m looking at you, because you"re smiling so wide and It feels uncomfortable that you"re not smiling to me, we always fight you know." Jiwoon said calmly.
"That"s because you"re a fucking hypocrite, you"re too unreasonable" he inhaled deeply, expecting a burst of anger from Jiwoon but he was only answered with silence. What" he would always retaliate when he point out his personality and everything but why the fuck is he too silent now? It was so confusing and kinda irritating. "You"re a jerk! A total asshole! A pervert and—" still silent, Jiwoon was bowing his head down avoiding his gaze and not even daring to look at him or make a response. "Why are you not answering me?!" it"s not supposed to be like this. Why isn"t he arguing with him anymore?! Does he not care about their qualms anymore? Why the hell did he changed suddenly?! He heard him sigh Andrew finally look back to him. His night-like eyes were focused on his, asking him to calm down and listen.
"I know, I"m a worse person that have done those things to you. I know that I won"t be forgiven no matter what I do. I want to change and asked for your forgiveness again, it might be hard and you might resent me until we finally left the island or maybe longer than that but... I still want to say sorry and correct my mistakes. I know it sounds selfish but I want you to at least move on with the pain.... so I want to see you smile at me too. Not for Karin or anyone but just for me..." he stand up and hold his hands clasping it with his. "Will you forgive me please, I swear I"ll help you forget the pain. Just give me another chance"
Yenn stared at Jiwoon, silently looking at his eyes, it wasn"t a scrutinizing glare or a prickling stare not a hurtful look or a disgusted one but just a quiet, gentle gaze that deeply peek into his soul. He sighed pitifully. This issue was dragging everything too much. He don"t want to be holding a grudge against anyone for the rest of his life, it"s better if they finally made up.
"You mean it?"
"Yes"
"How will I forget that then?"
" Exposure, you"ll be exposing yourself in that kind of thing... you like Karin yeah? Maybe if you try kis—"
"I already did and you said that you"re the one who"d help so why are you dragging her to this?" he cut him off, annoyed. Right now he don"t want to hear about another thing or mention anyone, he just want him and Jiwoon to talk about themselves and forget anything else. It"s pissing him off when he heard another name other than his own in his mouth.
"You already kissed her?!" Jiwoon widen his eyes in amusement. He didn"t expect him to advance his intentions to the girl and that"s fucking troublesome in his part. It heightened up his guilt more!
"Yeah, just a peck nothing else"
"Fuck, why?"
"Why the hell are you curious? You think I"m a fucking virgin so I can"t kiss girls? I did plenty than that!"
"No, I—"
"What now? Don"t tell me you"re fucking jealous because of that?" Yenn arched his brow, he was expecting him to say yes but why the hell is he even expecting it? He had a sudden weird itch in his stomach but he"s sure it"s just because of hunger and cravings. After all, the cupcake scent was filling the room and it"s probably because of that.
"I"m not, I"m just worried that I made you a frigid but I guess you"re fine with the girl so I"m actually glad" Jiwoon gave him a bitter smile, his eyes were filled with sadness and he"s been emitting such a gloomy air. Yenn don"t like it, he never want anymore guilty feelings for this guy. Not when he"s in that state, he hate it when he had to pity Jiwoon"s pride.
"But I"m not fine..." he said in a serious tone. "I back away when she kissed me... because I remember what you did" of course, that"s a lie but he want Jiwoon to realize that he hurt him so much. He want his attention to just focus on him.
"Oh? Then why did you kiss me back then if—"
"I told you I want you to feel how much I got hurt then" he cut him again. He should not back away not now when he want to confirm the weirdness that he felt inside, so Jiwoon must know how much hatred, annoyance or whatever he felt for him.
"Okay—"
Ting!
They both looked at the oven unconsciously, it"s already finished baking the cupcakes. It was a long talk but it felt like a minute or two of exchanging words. They glance at each other at the same time smiling apologetically because of the sudden interruption.
"Uhh, we should probably take that first"
Jiwoon scratch the back of his neck averting his gaze to the oven. He tittered and let him tend to the cupcakes. After serving it on a plate and cooling them off, they both put some icings and designing it with a swirl of whipped cream and smearing it with a bunch of toppings like sprinkles and chocolate chips. After they finished everything, they happily ate them together. They looked awkward for moment but they exchanged laughter after they finish eating it. They are all of them by themselves and that"s really hilarious because they didn"t even realized it"s gone, they smiled at each other, talked with each other normally without anger nor irritation beneath the words they blurt out. Just nice talks and few laughs which made the rest of the day pass by peacefully....