Chapter 58

Jiwoon froze up in that moment. He just stared at Yenn dumbfounded as he listened to him explaining and making up excuses that he really couldn"t hear right now. The only thing running repeatedly in his head and the only words that caught him off guard— blocked his senses of hearing and understanding was—you don"t hate it right?
You don"t hate it right...
That simple and astounding question have been clogging everything and ultimately made his system dysfunction in that spot. Yenn glanced at him and saw his current state. Jiwoon was blushing. Definitely red from head to toe and he was frozen stiff on his position. What the fuck?! Did he just lost his breath?!
Yenn panicked and became paranoid. Is he sick? Fuck why does he look so red like the blood would burst any moment. Yenn gasped and instinctively hold his arm and pulse. God! Is it hard to took that words in? Was it too much? Did he felt rejected? He didn"t reject him though! He was just thinking it over. What of Jiwoon began to overthink in his brain and was afraid to accept any explanation and was now froze up because of his silliness. How on Earth did he took the words in?
"Jiwoon?!"
"Hey! I didn"t mean to make you overthink but you don"t hate me do you? Or did you hate that fucking idea that I jerked you off in your peaceful sleep?"
Yenn paused and realized that what he said just doesn"t make sense. So what if he do that? Jiwoon would be upset just because of that? Why would he?! And why the hell was he trying hard to explain anyway? It wasn"t that weird?
Right?
"I mean. Come on! We did that together lot of times and it wasn"t that weird if I did it with you defenseless. I bet you would be fuming in joy rather than mad so...!"
"Hey? Jiwoon?!"
Yenn gaped over and wasn"t even aware that he really look like a fool trying to explain that he wasn"t stupid—which would seems ridiculous if Jiwoon tried to confront him and made him confessed the truth. Just look at how flustered he is' is what his mind say but Jiwoon stood there motionless and his eyes were just deeply staring at Yenn as if telling him to stop being cute. Yet on the other hand—
Was his explanation too shocking?!
Yenn thought and it made him weigh the guilt of unlikely rejecting Jiwoon on this very spot—which was just a misunderstanding on his part. Of course.
Yenn decided to approach Jiwoon and aim to slap his face to wake him up from the shock and also clear things up but at that certain moment Jiwoon dodge his hand and then clasped his body into a tight hug. Jiwoon then whispered to his ear as his hot breathe tickled his neck. Damn it. He really couldn"t resist Yenn even if he wanted too. He"s just way too cute.
"I don"t hate it. I"ll never hate everything you did to me." Jiwoon chuckled as he hug Yenn a bit tighter.
Yenn just accepted his hug instinctively but he didn"t clasped his arms back. He was hesitant for a moment but he just gave in and hug Jiwoon back. He felt his hard chest pumping rapidly in his cheek. Jiwoon"s heart was beating really fast.
It was a very nice sound that he couldn"t help himself but to stay still and listen quietly. He hugged him nonetheless and just leaned his head there silently and instinctively listening to a very lovely sound coming from that person"s chest. He felt warm, cozy and safe in his arms. Nothing is much better than this. Why was he still hesitant in his feelings? That he don"t know. Was he afraid of loving someone for the first time? Was it that complicated that he couldn"t bear to decide what to do from now on?
Or...
Was he simply delaying things on purpose just to drive this person away again?
Was he really that low?
I don"t know! Stop trying to saying things out when I"m here trying to fixed my feelings. I don"t want to just give him an unclear answer and make him miserable afterwards...I am not the low and I won"t try to hurt his feelings again either! So just stop making things up you stupid brain!"
Yenn quarreled with himself inside but something really made him ponder over what he just thought. Is it really like that as he himself said—internally? No, he was sure that he have feelings for Jiwoon too but he couldn"t avoid the uneasiness that was stirring up in his heart. Something deep was involved in this or does he just want to ran away from his feelings again?
Have he always been like this?
So cowardly?
Yenn just stayed there and quietly listening to that person"s heartbeat. He was still pondering over the weirdness that he felt and he couldn"t afford to say a single word that he thought—might make this moment end if he did. Obediently and without a sound, he just wanted to stay put.
Just this once, he want to stay like this for a little longer.
Oh"
He"s tearing up.
Jiwoon looked down and saw Yenn leaning to him warmly and rubbing his cheek to his chest. He was like a cat trying to please his owner and was begging for affection but Yenn wasn"t that. Jiwoon would be that—giving the affection and everything that Yenn wouldn"t want—unsurely trying to please him as if he"s the cat, the one who really wants his love. That"s how it supposed to be but it seems as if it was something else—in a brief second he felt bitter.
Will that dream ever came true or would he be able to at least have a taste of that impossible dream whereas they would finally part ways after the fleeting stay in this island?
This is kinda...'
Yenn stayed on his chest and his right hand tapped the side of his chest specifically in the place where his heart was. He gulped down and became more embarrassed. Not the fact that Yenn was touching him intimately but the realization that Yenn was eagerly listening to his heartbeat. How cute! Jiwoon coughed and cleared his throat. He want to let go but he couldn"t let Yenn get interrupted in his joyous listening.
Yenn then looked up at him with a smile. His eyes were gleaming with joy and was teary-eyed in that moment. How could something taste this bittersweet. The moment felt so heartwarming but at the same time it was nerve wrecking. So damn sufferable at the same time was a blissful.
I still like him though'