Chapter 35

Chapter 36: Why Am I Even Guilty
Time flies peacefully and everything seems great for everyone, except for the awkward air and bloody aura between the two people with their glazed eyes that was all over each other"s face but other than that, they never spoke nor argued which is kinda bizarre and extraordinary sight for everyone, although some don"t get it, they sensed that something is definitely up between them.
The time passed and their behavior suddenly turned into a wave of silent treatment and that"s kinda worrying. They couldn"t help but approached Yenn and Jiwoon to ask about the problem but both of them won"t even say a word.
Over the past few weeks, wrongful stares and worried looks was gifted to Yenn and it really pissed him off and decided to make amends with them, saying that he just don"t want to talk about it and bluntly refused to open up the topic. He"d rather keep quiet than dragging everyone to their own issue.
Still...
He felt a bit empty, something was missing in his daily routine and it made his temper itched, maybe he was just sleep deprived and was just not used to the current situation because he and Jiwoon had a squall of cold air surrounding them and he wasn"t used to having no argument between them. Although he chose to keep things this way, some part of him was filled with guilt. He admit he kinda missed their nonsensical fights but he don"t want to approached Jiwoon himself and he won"t ever make a first move for them to make up.
"Princess, what the hell is going on?" Ivis stared at Yenn, they"re currently in the terrace, his hands are playing with a Rubik"s cube. He shifted in his seat letting Ivis sit next to him which he casually obliged.
"There"s nothing going on, why" He answered him calmly, his eyes were focused on the three dimensional puzzle in his hands.
"Then why are biting your lip like that for what I know, you only do that when you"re pissed"
"No way, I"m not."
"Yeah sure, but your lip are already bleeding, you must be holding something in"
Ivis touched his lips, rubbing his thumb in the lower part of it. He sighed softly then took his hand back showing Yenn his finger that was stained with blood.
"Whatever it is, you should let it out. I don"t like seeing you upset, Princess" he looked at him sadly, he was spending his days with Ivis and Elena often, so they quite know each other"s manner and Ivis was the observant type so he quickly find out everything about him which is kinda off—putting and nice at the same time.
Although it"s great and amazing, his observations was kinda petrifying and scary because he could really peek into your inner soul and your lies would be goddamn exposed.
At least, it was still not in that point....
"Its nothing really so don"t worry about me. You should be worried with your own growth rather than me, I"m already an adult."
He joked as he ruffled his hair. Ivis nodded then he stand up and made his way to the stairs.
"Tell me if you"re upset about something, I"ll get rid of it" Ivis said in a crucial tone and finally go up.
He just smiled bitterly, he really became a liar and he knew he"s not really like that. He would say what"s on his mind or voice out his opinions fearlessly but right now, he can"t do any of it.
It was not wrong and he knew that, he wanted this and he pushed him away, he don"t want to see his face but his guts were itching for a goddamn sense of trouble. He grit his teeth and threw the Rubik"s cube in frustration. It suddenly broke into pieces because of the harsh impact on the tiled floor.
'Why the fuck are you even thinking of that shit! He raped you! Why are you the one feeling guilty?!" he scolded his mind that are filled with crazy thoughts and guilt.
"Fuck that bastard! Because of him I"m being like this" he stand up, kicked the cube away and went outside the house. He ran toward the sand and sat up near the shore, cooling his mind off as he felt the gentleness of the breeze, putting his mind into ease.
He shouldn"t be feeling like this, why does he feel so much pain than the time when Jiwoon was around? Why is he waiting for him to make up with him? Why is he expecting him to say sorry and that he"ll forgive Jiwoon if he did. He want to know what the hell is happening and why is he feeling like this?
"Why am I even guilty..."
He never did anything bad or worst to Jiwoon and he"s definitely sure that the guy was a total piece of shit. He"s obnoxious, shameless and a goddamn asshole so why would he pity him because he just felt a bit hurt?
Back then...
He had a hurtful expression in his face, whenever he saw him or he was in front of him he would turned away avoiding his gaze then he would hear him sighing remorsefully. "What the hell he"s not even the one who"s supposed to be hurt. So why the fuck is he acting like the victim, shit" he brushed his palms to his face gritting his teeth remembering the vivid memory of the times they"ve been ignoring each other.
Jiwoon didn"t do anything and just obeyed him and, whenever he would caught a glimpse of Jiwoon he would suddenly disappear somewhere and he would feel better. It wasn"t that he was scared or maybe frigid about the fact that Jiwoon was just around lurking to who knows where, he really just hate seeing his face or even feel his mortifying presence near him and there he got it...
Jiwoon and him didn"t run into each other again. It was great at first but it became painful when he don"t see him anymore. It"s been a month and he should be glad that Jiwoon wasn"t bothering him or trying to approach him so why?!
Why the fuck is he the only one thinking like this? It was o— Like hell it was okay, that fucker didn"t even care! He even talked to others like there"s nothing going on so why the fuck is he worrying for. Why the hell does it hurt his pride? His life is peaceful now so why the fuck does his brain have this kind of stupid thoughts?
He gripped his hair reprimanding himself not to think about it anymore, he just had to let things stay that way and he"ll be fine after some time but— fuck it"s been a month and here he is, still holding on the fucking issue. "Damn it, that kind of shit really make me fucking insane" he kicked the sand with his slippers letting it smeared in his pants. He looked ahead watching the waves, he want to cool off and swim but probably they might misunderstand it again so, he should invite someone else.
"The hell he even said DON"T DO IT that fucker, was he scared that I"ll die and leave or was he just thinking that I"m fucking troublesome if I die here, well I should have did it then, no one would miss me anyway" he murmured to himself burying his head to his knees. It"s the past, he shouldn"t think about it. He should forget the pain and give himself a treat. Maybe, it"s the time he need to learn how to swim and he knew Byul is willing to teach him that. Right now, he need a break, cool his head off and also forget the unnecessary flow of idiotic thoughts. Yeah, he just need to forget them all and fucking move on.
But...
Why does he feel so sad......?