Lesson 136- Recognize and appreciate when someone means well, even if things don’t go as planned.

I find Torin in his office, as I expected. He looks exhausted and kind of stressed out.
“Well, this has been an eventful evening.” I comment. He looks up and nods.
“Yeah.” He agrees.
“My brother knows everything now.” I point out and he nods again.
“Yes he does.” He sighs.
“And you really aren’t going to try to make my brother stay here or something too?” I confirm, a little nervous. Torin shakes his head.
“He won’t say anything. He knows I have you and he wouldn’t risk you.” He reminds me. I roll my eyes.
“You wouldn’t actually hurt me though.” I remind him and he shrugs.
“Your brother doesn’t know that. Not really.” He says sadly and I laugh.
“Yes he does. He meant it when he said he trusts you because I do. He knows I’m safe here. Or at the very least that I’m safer with you than I am running around on my own.” I say with a slight frown. Torin however seems pleased. He glances in the general direction of my room.
“Your brother is asleep?” He asks and I nod.
“Yeah. The poor guy is exhausted. He’s probably going to be sore for a few days as well.” I sigh, then I realise Torin looks uncomfortable. He clearly has something to say.
“What’s wrong Tori?” I ask gently. He looks a little guilty.
“I… I know Damien is your brother… And I don’t want to offend you…” He trails off.
“Just spit it out Torin.” I say firmly. He sighs again and continues.
“You won’t leave him alone back here, will you? When he’s awake I mean. I know he’s your brother, and you trust him. I… I don’t really think he would do anything wrong. But…” He hesitates and I smile.
“But he’s still practically a stranger to you. You don’t really know him and as far as you’re concerned, you feel he has every reason to dislike you.” I conclude and Torin nods stiffly. I reach out and take his hand.
“Tori, I’m not mad. It’s okay. I don’t expect you to just suddenly trust my brother as much as I do. I know you’re not super comfortable with new people and I know you don’t like having strangers back here. I’m not offended. I know that this kind of thing is uncomfortable for you and I appreciate that you’re accepting it so well. When Damien is awake, I’ll stay with him, and I won’t bring him into your office at all, not unless you invite him in here yourself. Okay?” I say reassuringly. Torin nods, clearly relieved.

I sit there for a few minutes thinking about the situation I’m in. I don’t even realise that I’m still clutching Torin’s hand until he uses his free hand and taps at my fingers which are stiff from holding on so tight.
“Oh damn. Sorry.” I let go immediately, surprised he didn’t say something before now. He just catches my hand again. Wrapping it in both of his.
“You were thinking hard about something, and it’s clearly bothering you. What is it?” He asks softly. It takes me a moment to answer because I’m a little flustered with him looking at me so straightforwardly like this.
“I was thinking about Solem. How he wants me for some reason I don’t quite know. I… What am I going to do Tori? I can’t just sit around forever and hope that he forgets about me.” I tell him, my voice small. Torin squeezes my hand gently.
“You’re right. We can’t wait forever. I’ll… I’ll look into it.” He says haltingly.
“What do you mean?” I ask, fighting the urge to crawl into his arms and cry.
“I’m not sure yet. I’ll think of something.” He promises. It’s strange, I know he doesn’t have a plan. I’m not even sure what he’s going to be able to do. But I feel better knowing that he’s trying.

We hang out for a few more hours. I sketch and Torin works. Or rather he goes through the motions of working, but I don’t think he’s actually focussed. He pauses a lot and stares into space. Occasionally, I feel his eyes on me. I’m fairly sure that he’s puzzling through what to do about my situation. He seems anxious and I can’t help but feel a little bad. Sure, he’s kept me trapped here, but at the same time, it’s not his fault I’m in this situation. He never had to get involved, and now that he knows I won’t go telling his secrets, he doesn’t need to keep me here, he doesn’t HAVE to help me or protect me. He doesn’t have to protect my brother either. I know that he’s happy to be my friend, but is my friendship really worth that much to him? Since I’ve been staying here, his bar has been half destroyed, multiple times. He’s gotten injured and he’s spent a fortune on my living expenses and to renovate the place to make it livable for me. I doubt that anyone else would have done so much. Actually, I’m fairly sure that most people in his situation wouldn’t have helped me in the first place. He could have had me killed, or abandoned me on the street and I would have probably have just thought I was losing my mind, right up until the part where Solem had me kidnapped again and I found myself face to face with a demon that is not nearly so nice. He’s made a lot of mistakes, the binding spell being one of them. But I’ve complicated his life at least as much as he’s complicated mine, and he hasn’t complained once. Not about having to protect me, not about me bossing people around in his bar or inviting myself into his office and practically forcing him to be friends with me. He didn’t complain after Richard trashed his bar, and it can’t have been cheap to replace and repair everything. It’s hard to be really mad at him when he acts as kind as he does. Not to mention, there might be a binding spell in place, but I’ve never really tried to leave. I’ve never demanded he remove it or tried to convince someone else to help me escape. If I had been trying to do those things, if I REALLY tried to leave, I don’t think he would have had the heart to keep me here. Not really. He would almost definitely have given in. He would have let me leave and let me go home. I guess that I’ve known that for a while. It’s why I never really insisted or tried to leave. I feel safe here with him. I might be locked up, trapped in a little bubble and barely engaging in real life. But I’m safe. I might lack freedom, but there are a lot of other things I haven’t had to deal with either. I haven’t had to worry about paying bills, arranging my own meals, or any normal household tasks. I haven’t had to walk a street alone at night and worry about who is out there. I’ve been able to work in the bar, bossing people around and making demands. Giving out an asshole tax and for the most part, feeling confident about it all, because I knew that there wouldn’t be any real consequences because he would back me up. Sure, there were times when people managed to break in, to attack me and try to kidnap me. But if I had been at home, alone? It all would have been a lot worse. I suppose the main thing that Torin has given me is that since the night we met, I’ve not had to face anything alone. Surely that makes up for a few weeks of staying indoors?

Eventually, it’s time for Torin to head home. I walk him to the back door.
“I’m going to figure something out.” He assures me again and I smile.
“Don’t forget, you said we don’t need the binding spell anymore either.” I remind him. He frowns, but he gives the smallest nod of agreement. I beam a smile at him and I can’t help it. I throw my arms around him and pull him into a hug. He might have implied that it was time to get rid of the spell earlier, but now he’s agreed to it. He leans down to hug me properly and on impulse, I kiss him, hooking my arms around his neck. Torin makes a shocked sound, but he doesn’t pull away or tell me to stop. Instead, he loops his arms around my waist and lifts me up, pulling me in closer. I let out a gasp of surprise and he pauses. He goes to pull away but I tug him back to me and kiss him again. I know this is probably stupid, we definitely haven’t sorted out all our issues yet. But I just can’t seem to let go. It isn’t until I start to feel lightheaded that I loosen my grip and Torin slowly lowers me back to the floor. I’m probably flushed bright red and Torin has a strange, sort of stunned look on his face. He clearly has no idea how to respond. I just push him towards the door.
“Go get some sleep, Tori. We can talk later.” He does as I say and leaves, glancing back over his shoulder until I close the door behind him and he is out of sight.