Lesson 39- Always tell the truth. Lies are like wobbly blocks, they fall down.

Once I’m in my bed, I have the meltdown of all meltdowns. I cry until my eyes burn and my lungs ache. I cry all the tears that I’ve avoided this past week. I sob for every time I’ve been scared or confused. I bawl my eyes out in frustration. It was one thing being trapped here as a guest. I was choosing to be here because it would keep me safe, I had a good reason to be here. Sure, I wasn’t allowed to leave, but it was something that worked out for all of us. They felt safe because I can’t give away their secrets, and I felt safe because I knew they would protect me from whoever it was that was trying to hurt me. I thought that I was earning their trust, and eventually, my freedom. But now… I know that none of the people I thought were becoming my friends are actually my friends, and as for earning their trust? They didn’t even trust me with the truth about how I ended up here. I’m still struggling to believe that Torin killed someone, and even worse, he killed someone for ME! Should I feel guilty about that? Probably. But I don’t. The guy wanted to hurt me. But I’m worried that I couldn’t tell, I saw Torin afterwards and he didn’t seem like someone who had just killed a man. He wasn’t freaked out or even remotely bothered by it. Can he really be the person I thought he was if he isn’t bothered by something like that? Can I really judge him when I also don’t feel all that bad about it? I’m more hurt that he lied to me. I thought that he was honest, sweet even. I thought that he was making me comfortable here and spending time with me because he’s a nice person underneath the intimidating exterior and poker faces. But now I can’t help but think that he was humouring me to make me into a more cooperative captive. Did I let him buy me off with gifts? Let him trap me here in my comfortable prison? He had to know that if I was content, I wouldn’t fight so hard to leave. Now that I think about it, he hasn’t refused me anything since I got here other than my phone and a chance to leave. He probably thought if he kept indulging me, I’d just stay put. The sad thing is he might have been right! I haven’t even thought about trying to escape. When Catcher tried to drag me out of here, I fought to stay, and I can admit to myself that it wasn’t entirely because I was worried about the binding spell. I know that things here could have been worse. They could have killed me, or just locked me up. Or they could have tried to erase my memories. That only makes it harder for me. I KNOW that they aren’t monsters. Torin, Laura and even Kyle have all treated me well for the most part. But now I can’t trust their motivations, nor can I trust my own judgement. How could I have misread everything so badly?

I stay in my room all night. Kyle knocks on the door a few times, trying to convince me to come out and eat, telling me that things aren’t as bad as I think they are. I ignore him and my growling stomach. Catcher also knocks and asks if he can come in and talk to me. I don’t answer. After a couple of hours, Laura turns up. Someone must have called her, because of course THEY still have their phones.
“Rina? Honey? Are you okay in there? Can I come in and talk to you?” She says gently. I don’t answer. I see the doorknob turn and the door sticks on my folded up paper. It slips a little, but ultimately holds. I launch onto my feet and push the door closed again.
“NO! Stay out. I don’t want to talk to any of you.” I insist.
“But-” Laura starts but I cut her off.
“I don’t want to hear it. If you are all going to treat me like a prisoner rather than a friend, then I’m going to act like one.” I hiss out.
“But… I thought we were friends!” Laura says. I scoff but don’t answer. I collapse onto the floor and put my back up against the door, just in case she tries again. She doesn’t.
“She won’t talk to me and she’s blocked the door somehow, I can’t get in.” I hear her say, she must be talking to someone else.
“Fine. If she wants to stay in there then let her. The room is hers. I’ve taken everything else from her, so I will respect her wish to be left alone.” Torin answers in a monotonous voice. Then he leaves. They all do. No one else tries to talk to me all night. I get exactly what I asked for, I am left completely and totally alone. I absolutely hate it and I miss my brother more than ever. I never should have moved out of his place. I wanted privacy, to learn to be independent from him. This is not what I wanted.

I cry, then nap, then wake up and cry some more. By the time my tears finally dry out, the sun has risen and everything is quiet. Since everyone else has left, I decide I’m finally willing to leave my room. Mostly because I need to use the bathroom and I’m absolutely starving. After I no longer feel like my bladder is going to explode, I wander into the kitchen. Hopefully there are leftovers or something that I can heat up. There is a microwave here, although I’ve never seen Kyle touch it. I suspect that he hates the thing. I open up the fridge and find a plastic wrapped plate of food with a piece of paper lying on top right in the middle. I grab the paper, yep, it has my name on it. I’m tempted to not read it, to just leave it there. But I need to eat and if I have to move it to get to the food then so be it. I can pretend I didn’t read it if I want, but I can’t pretend I’m not eating. I suspect if I did that then Torin wouldn’t leave me be for long. He put too much effort into keeping me alive in the first place. Damn him. Plus I don’t actually want to starve myself. I just want to go home! Reluctantly, I open the note. I can always tear it up afterwards and pretend I didn’t read it, they’ll never know.
*
Rina,
I’m not going to apologise. I don’t think I’ve done anything wrong. If you have a problem with how you’re being treated, you can take it up with Torin since apparently you aren’t worried that he might decide to just save himself the effort and kill you. I never lied to you. It’s your own fault for never asking. You’re the foolish girl who decided to place all your trust in a demon. What did you expect would happen? People aren’t afraid of him because of his poor cooking skills. Regardless, you need to eat. I’ll continue to cook for you. I’m not a waiter though so if you want it you’re going to have to come and get it.

If you want to sulk in your room that’s fine. But it won’t change anything.
Kyle.

P.S. - Someone really did break into your apartment and it wasn’t us. Also I think you’re an idiot for yelling at a demon, seriously, we tell you he killed someone and your response is to scream at him? Do you even have a sense of self preservation!?
*
I suppose I don’t have a sense of self preservation, because I’m sick of being lonely, so I go sit and share my dinner with Jane. She’s the perfect companion, mostly because she’s never lied to me, but also because she can’t talk, so I don’t have to hear her opinion. I do however, take great satisfaction in tearing Kyle’s letter into little pieces then feeding them to Jane one scrap at a time.