Lesson 62- It’s okay to be scared sometimes.

Torin looks almost sick with guilt. I’m not quite sure what the guilt is for. Is it because he hurt them? Because the way I see it they had every intention of hurting him, and me. Not to mention trying to enslave Lindy.
“Why were you so angry?” I ask curiously. Torin sighs.
“He pushed you. He attacked my… Friend, in my territory. They’re lucky I DIDN’T kill them. No one would have tried to stop me, and there wouldn’t have been any consequences you know. This is MY territory, they broke MY rules. I’m allowed to choose their punishment.” He grumbles. I can see a hint of true anger in his expression. I suppose his territorial stuff is a big deal to him, even if I don’t completely understand it. I choose not to comment on that very concerning system and to focus on the real problem here.
“You feel bad about hurting them?” I clarify and Torin shrugs.
“I feel bad about hurting them in anger. I shouldn’t have done that. This is hardly the first time a drunk has caused trouble in my bar and I’ve never reacted so strongly before. I pride myself on my control, on my ability to remain calm. It is… Disturbing… To discover that I am not as good at controlling my temper as I thought.” I contemplate his answer. Something about it seems off to me.
“Are you sure you were angry?” I ask slowly and Torin stares at me, confused.
“What?” He asks. I shrug.
“It’s just… When I saw you afterwards, you didn’t seem angry, you seemed annoyed maybe, but mostly you seemed anxious and worried. So I was thinking, maybe you weren’t mad. Maybe you were scared.” I suggest. Torin scrunches up his face, clearly unconvinced.
“Why would I be scared, they were no real threat to me. I wasn’t in danger.” He points out.
“Not scared for you, scared for me. You worry about me, you said that you feel… Responsible for me. You saw me in danger, and you just reacted.” I point out. The more I explain it the more I think I might be right. Sure, I suspect he was at least a little bit angry. But Torin doesn’t have much of a temper. Not really, if he did, then he wouldn’t have forgiven Laura’s harsh words so easily just now. But he does have a protective streak, and he’s not used to having a friend. It doesn’t seem out of the realm of possibility that he might overreact a bit, particularly since he isn’t used to being afraid. He looks contemplative.
“I suppose that might be possible. But it doesn’t change the fact that my loss of control was unacceptable.” He looks pained and I can’t help myself. I get up and without waiting for him to move from his seat, I wrap him in a tight hug.
“It’s normal. No one is in control all the time, and most people don’t have to worry about hurting others so easily because they just aren’t capable of it. I agree that it isn’t a good thing that you hurt them, but they had every intention of hurting you, or of hurting me. Being freaked out and getting a little carried away is hardly unreasonable. Besides, you didn’t do any permanent damage. They will recover and everyone involved, including you, will have learned a lesson. “ I tell him gently. Torin rests his head against me and relaxes into my embrace.
“I suppose you’re right. I still feel bad about it though.” he sighs.
“I’d be more concerned if you didn’t. You’re a good person Tori, I know you don’t want to hurt people, not really.” I assure him.

We stay like that for several minutes until I remember that I’m supposed to be trying to place distance between the two of us. I pull back and awkwardly wander the room.
“So… You changed into your other form, huh? I’m kind of disappointed that I missed it. I don’t remember a lot from the night we met. I was fairly out of it.” I ramble on, not quite sure what to do with myself. I can’t leave because it will look like I’m running away. But I have too much nervous energy to sit down again either. So I pace, or I pace as much as one can in a small, cluttered and disorganised office space.
“I kind of wish you hadn’t sent me back out here just before you changed, I would have been interested to see what you look like properly.” I add conversationally.
“That’s why I sent you away.” he grumbles and I laugh, taking a half step away from him so I can see his face properly.
“Are you still worried about frightening me away? You really shouldn’t be And it’s not just because I literally can’t leave. I assure him with a slight smile. He shrugs, clearly not appreciating my humour.
“I scared everyone else off.” He points out and I roll my eyes.
“And yet we still have people coming into the bar tonight. I know people are legitimately afraid of you, but I think you might have a slightly exaggerated belief of just how much people are scared of you.” I decide. Torin raises an eyebrow.
“People are terrified of me.” He says bluntly.
“Well… Yeah. But they’re still here. Obviously they’re willing to risk whatever danger it is they think you present.” I argue and Torin actually looks like he’s considering my answer.
“I suppose you’re right.” He responds, although he doesn’t seem to know how he actually feels about that conclusion.
“Either way, I know one thing for sure.” I decide. Torin raises an eyebrow.
“And what might that be?” He asks curiously.
“I know that it’s time for both of us to stop hiding. I need to get to work and you need to get back to… I don’t know, sitting around the bar watching me work I suppose.” I conclude.
“I’m making sure you’re safe.” He argues. I shrug.
“Same difference. Come on, let’s go.” I hold out my hand to him and he stares at it, bemused.
“I need to get back, you’re not going to make me go by myself are you?” I ask with a fake pout. Torin takes my hand and gets to his feet.
“I suppose not.” He agrees reluctantly. Perfect. Right now everyone sees him as powerful, mysterious and scary. That’s never going to change if he hides in his office every time he so much as demonstrates a little bit of his strength. There are plenty of other people who come to the bar who I feel are powerful enough that I should be at least a little wary of them, and no one avoids them. I’m not sure why demons are where people seem to draw the line but I don’t have to listen to them. I’ll be nice and cut Laura some slack like Torin wants me to do. But it doesn’t mean I have to agree with her, nor does it mean I should be as distrusting as her.

I drag Torin out to the bar. The room falls dead silent as we enter but I completely ignore everyone. Torin, who was following me willingly before, starts to drag his feet a little but he reluctantly lets me lead him by the hand to his usual seat. I don’t move to let go until he is settled in place but he holds tight as I go to pull away. I glance back at him, a little confused until I realise how nervous he looks. He really doesn’t like when people are scared of him. No wonder he prefers to be ignored. I smile reassuringly and pull away, only to walk around the bar and stand next to him on the other side.
“So, can I get you a drink?” I offer cheerfully, ignoring the atmosphere. Torin nods silently and I smile in encouragement.