Lesson 60- It’s important to wear clean socks and underwear.

Torin picked up Thai food and it smells amazing. We COULD sit and eat in his office, but there really isn’t a lot of space there so I suggest we sit out at a table in the bar. Torin agrees easily and while I set the food out, he lights a few of the candles so the room isn’t too dark. Without the crowds and music it gives off a far more intimate atmosphere that I wouldn’t have expected to find in a bar. I sit down to eat, but Torin heads to the bar and pours us both drinks. He gently places the glass in front of me and takes his seat. We eat silently for a moment, but I feel a strange pressure to make conversation. Something about this situation feels weird, it’s hardly the first meal I’ve shared with Torin, but it’s somehow different. I can’t quite place my finger on it.
“So… How did you go taking Lindy home?” I ask. Torin considers.
“Okay. She was… Very quiet. I thought I might have upset her, but she was staying very close to me. It was a strange experience.” he concludes and I laugh.
“I think she’s usually fairly quiet as far as I can tell. And you did save her last night.” I remind him. He shakes his head.
“You were the one who saved her, not me.” He insists. I roll my eyes.
“Fine, I saved her and then you saved me. The point is, she’s already seen that you’re actually a total cinnamon roll.” I wink and he laughs.
“A cinnamon roll?” He asks and I shrug.
“Soft and sweet.” I explain and he smiles. He seems really relaxed tonight. After I broke the initial awkward silence, the conversation flows easily. I talk about some of the books I’ve read and update Torin on what I’ve learned about my lucky coin. I even grab my book and show him the entry. He agrees that my coin is probably from the set I read about. We finish eating and I stack up the packaging to give to Jane.
“I think we have ice cream in the fridge, do you want some?” He offers and I nod eagerly.
“I never turn down ice cream.” I tell him seriously. Torin smiles and disappears out back while I give Jane the takeout containers. This meal has been nice, but something still feels different. It’s not until Torin returns with two bowls of ice cream that I realise what it is. We PLANNED this meal together. Usually we’re working and eating and just kind of end up eating together and hanging out in his office because it’s out of the way. This time, Torin intentionally picked up food and came in early to have a meal with me. Neither of us is working, I had his undivided attention, and he had mine. This whole thing felt like… Well, it feels like a date. I stare at Torin as he places the bowls on the table and carefully places little spoons on top of them. He turns to face me proudly. I can’t help but smile and take my seat, although I’m still kind of concerned about this. IS this a date? Surely not. It’s only a date if we want it to be a date. We’re just friends hanging out… Right? I flash back to the way he hugged me last night, and back to that time just after we made up when I thought that, maybe, he was flirting with me. He’s been super nice to me since then, but he hasn’t been flirting. I don’t think… Have I been flirting? I think back on my actions. I mean, I do touch him a lot, and tease him. But that’s just how I am. Okay, that’s not totally true. I have to admit I do get a sense of satisfaction out of making Torin blush. Still, that doesn’t answer my question. Is this a date or isn’t it? Or more importantly, do I WANT it to be one? I sigh internally. Yeah, I think I kind of do. But if he asked, I would have to say no. Our situation is too messed up. I think we both know that. So… This isn’t a date. It’s just… Like a date. I can work with that.

I finish eating my ice cream in silence. I’ve been thinking so I didn’t notice how quiet I’ve been but Torin does.
“Are you okay? You’re not talking… It’s weird.” He points out and I choke out a laugh.
“Sorry, I was a little distracted.” I explain. Torin tilts his head.
“What were you thinking about?” he asks and I freeze. My mind blanks as I try to think of an acceptable answer. Torin is waiting for my response, an innocent expression on his face. I panic.
“Laundry!” I half yell. Torin blinks in surprise.
“Laundry?” He repeats. I nod eagerly.
“Yeah, laundry. I need to wash my clothes, but I can’t go anywhere and there’s no washer here.” I point out. I was just trying to give an answer, but this is an actual concern of mine. I’m almost out of clothes. I’ve worn almost everything that Laura got for me. I’ve ordered a few more items which should arrive soon, but I still need to wash stuff. Torin frowns.
“Oh… I could get you a washing machine.” He says thoughtfully and I roll my eyes.
“Torin, there is no way you’re fitting a washing machine in here anywhere, that won’t work. It’s going to have to be washed elsewhere.” I decide. He nods slowly.
“Alright, just… Leave whatever you want washed by the back door. I’ll arrange to get it cleaned tomorrow.” I promises and I smile.
“Thanks Tori.” I say affectionately, then freeze up again. Damn, okay. Even I could hear the hint of flirtatiousness in my tone just now. I AM flirting with him, even if I don’t always realise it. Shit. That isn’t fair on either of us. I need to stop. I didn’t realise my self control was so poor. I’m not usually a very flirty person. Friendly, sure, but not flirty. How am I supposed to know the difference? Maybe I should just reel it back with Torin entirely. I can be polite and friendly without being TOO friendly… Right?

The door swings open and Laura wanders in.
“Oh, there you are! I was wondering if you were in Torin’s office again since you weren’t in your room.” She explains. I jump to my feet, suddenly uncomfortable. What if she thinks this was a date? I don’t want to look like it’s a date. I can’t let this happen. I rush past Laura and head to my room.
“I need to sort my laundry.” I call out as I rush away, leaving Torin and Laura to stare after me.

I spend a minute in my room calming down. Now I have to figure out how to act again. I’m weirdly aware of my every action and it’s super uncomfortable. I’m overthinking everything. At least Laura is here tonight. She makes a great buffer. I DO sort my laundry and drop the hamper of dirty clothes by the back door. It feels weird to let someone else do my laundry, but I don’t really have a choice. Then I head back to the bar to help Laura set up.
“So, how is Kyle?” I ask as we set up. I have to fight the urge to tease her.
“He’s doing a lot better. To be honest, he wanted to come to work today. But he still has a nasty headache, so I convinced him to give it at LEAST one more day.” She explains.
“That’s good. I’m glad he listened to you.” I tell her honestly. She nods distractedly as she looks over the records from yesterday.
“A bit of a light evening last night. Was it not so busy after all?” She questions and I shrug.
“We ended up having to close early due to a fight. That’s probably it.” I explain.
“Oh, that makes sense. Oh well. I’m sure tonight will be much easier with us both here.” She says happily and I nod. I am definitely grateful to have her here right now.