Lesson 137- It’s okay to be selfish sometimes, as long as you try to do the right thing.
**TORIN**
Rina just kissed me. I’m not sure why. I AM fairly sure that whatever her reason, I didn’t really deserve it. I didn’t try to stop her either though. In fact the moment her arms went around me, all thoughts about doing the right thing fled my mind. Actually, pretty much all thought fled my mind entirely. Now I’m standing out in the alley by my bar, next to the old dumpsters and I’m basically frozen in place. I can’t help but picture the way she was the first night we met. I heard her screaming. At the time, I didn’t know her. I checked what was going on out of curiosity and a general kind of concern for whoever was out here. Even when I saw her I wasn’t afraid, I wasn’t even angry. It wasn’t happening on my territory, and it wasn’t happening to anyone I know. I helped her because she looked so afraid. People have been looking at me like that for most of my life. For once I wanted to be able to erase that source of fear for someone else. Still, I didn’t know her. Then we spoke, we argued, and made up again. Rina pushed me out of my comfort zone and I sort of trapped her in hers. Despite that, by some miracle, she decided we were friends. I might not be able to admit it to her, or anyone else. But I’ve fallen for her. Hard. Even if I don’t admit it, I suspect that everyone knows. I’ve heard people gossiping in the bar about the demon with his pet human, but there are just as many people whispering about the human woman who tamed the demon, that she has me completely under her thumb. It might be offensive if it wasn’t so… Accurate. I’ve been fighting it, I know it’s hopeless for me to fall for the pretty human. But I’m fairly sure I started falling for her that first night when she told everyone she wasn’t scared of me and then declared me her hero. Not a monster, not a demon, not even her captor or jailer. Her hero. I might have screwed things up a lot since then. Repeatedly. But I haven’t forgotten what she called me. The best part is that, at least on that night, it was true. I DID save her. Thinking about how she looked back then, frightened and in pain… It makes my heart hurt. It makes me want to do whatever I can to be her hero again. Earlier tonight she was frightened. I know she won’t wait much longer. When it was just herself at risk, she was willing to give me time, to be patient. But her brother is here now too. He was hurt and that isn’t something she is willing to tolerate. I wasn’t lying when I said I would figure something out. I have to do something and I have to act fast, because if I don’t, she will, and unlike that first night where seeing her frightened was just sort of uncomfortable, now seeing Rina scared like that is enough to tear my heart out. I don’t just want her safe, I NEED her to be safe… She asked about the binding spell again. I don’t want to remove it. I know I should, I don’t have a good reason to keep it. Honestly, I’m not sure I ever had a good reason. Is there ever really an acceptable reason to take away an innocent woman’s freedom? It’s just… Once I remove it, she’s going to want to leave. I know she says that she is in no hurry, that she needs to be safe first and that she enjoys working for me, it’s not like she’s had any other choice. Even if she DOES stay a little longer because of the threats against her, she won’t wait forever. Eventually she will just want to go out for a few minutes, and sooner or later, Solem will come for her again. If that happens, I will really have lost her forever. So, I need to make it safe for her. I can take this chance and find a way to be her hero again. It’s not as selfless as it sounds. Really it’s completely selfish. I want her safe so that she will be able to stay with me. I want her to think I’m her hero so she will continue to like me, and a small, horrid and guilty part of me wants to swoop in and solve her problems. It WANTS her to feel indebted to me so that she will feel obligated to stay. Obviously I want her to choose to stay with me, to be my friend, confidante and… Maybe more if she’s willing. But that sounds like an unlikely dream. The selfish part of me is scrambling to come up with back up plans to give her a reason to want to come back.
I got lucky tonight, and not just because she kissed me. Rina was so distracted by Eli and her brother that she forgot to ask about having the binding spell removed until after Laura had already gone home. I doubt I’ll be so lucky next time I return. It’s time for me to take action. I don’t know Solem. I assume he also knows very little about me. I’m a demon, just like he is. As far as he knows, we might be equals in power and strength. I doubt it, I’m fairly sure he’s much older than I am. But he might not know that, and even if he does know, he might take more kindly to being approached by another demon… But that doesn’t solve the issue of how to contact him. Luckily, I know one person who might have that information. With a SERIOUSLY reluctant sigh, I pull out my phone and call Richard.
The phone rings a half dozen times before the kelpie picks up.
“Hello?” He asks, repeating it a couple more times like he can’t hear me well. A moment later, he clears his throat.
“Torin? Oh hey. I wasn’t expecting a call from you.” He greets me cheerfully. My temper immediately flares. I’d like to pretend I have a good reason to hate Richard, but I know that I’m mostly just jealous.
“Richard. I need a number to contact Solem.” I ask bluntly. He takes a moment to answer.
“I don’t exactly have his number…” He trails off. I wait and eventually, he reads out a number.
“It’s not HIS number specifically. Just another of his minions. But that guy is closer to him than I ever was. He can probably put you in contact,” He says nervously. I write down the number, and without pause, I hang up on the kelpie and call the new number.
“Who is this?” The answering voice asks.
“My name is Torin. I insist on speaking to Solem. The other voice is quiet for a minute.
“Torin… The demon?” He demands. I answer simply.
“Yes.” I respond. The voice swears and scrambles to do something.
“We don’t usually do this, but I’ll see if I can get you an audience. Or at very least a phone call.”
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