Lesson 72- You should think carefully when you make decisions.

Torin actually does get some work done, and I spend more time browsing online and playing catch up on some of the tv shows I like to watch. It’s well into the night when Torin finally shoves his paperwork aside with a sigh. A couple papers fall to the floor and I do my best not to sit and stare at them. His office is just… So messy. Seriously, how does he get anything done? No wonder he always has so much to do. Although it probably doesn’t help that he spends half his working hours sitting in the bar doing nothing other than hanging out with me while I work. It’s not really the most productive use of his time, but at the same time I don’t want to discourage it. People are slowly getting used to him. He might not believe it, but they are. They don’t flinch every time he stands up anymore, and people don’t stare when he and I talk. It might not seem like much, but all the little things build up. I bet a few more months of this and people will actually start to accept him. Except… A few months… That’s a long time. Am I really going to be here that long? And if I leave, he’s going to go back to hiding. I just know it. All his progress will fade away. But… Is that really my responsibility? I can’t be responsible for that, I know it. But the thought of leaving is getting more and more difficult. But I want to leave, don’t I? That was the whole point in making friends with everyone and being cooperative here in the first place. To earn their trust so that they will willingly let me go. I want to leave… Don’t I? Or maybe I just want to be ABLE to leave. To be trusted to have my phone, to go home at the end of the night and then choose to come back because I want to be here, not because I have to be.

“What are you thinking about so hard over there?” Torin asks curiously. I shrug.
“I’m thinking about going home.” I answer honestly. His face immediately falls and his fists go tight.
“Still?” He asks, his tone flat.
“What do you mean still? Did you expect me to stop thinking about it?” I ask. He doesn’t answer and I sigh.
“Tori, if you’re hoping I’ll just give up on being free and, I don’t know, accept staying here for the rest of my life, then you need to forget that immediately. It’s not a workable plan.” I warn him. He sighs.
“Is it so bad that I like having you around?” he says quietly and I lean back into my chair and let my head loll.
“No, it’s not bad to enjoy my company. But this whole situation is messed up, you know that. Besides, wouldn’t it be better if you knew that I was coming to spend time with you because that’s what I want to do? Not because I’m stuck here. We keep going in circles. We’re friends, and I’m trying to be patient with you, but this can’t last forever. You’re not an idiot. You know that.” I say gently. Frustrated, Torin pulls his hands through his hair and crosses his arms over his chest.
“I can’t let you go. I can’t. You know way too much, and I need to protect you. It’s not safe for you out there.” he insists. I just sit and look at him, unimpressed by his argument. It’s not that I object to being protected or that I disagree that I’m unsafe out there. It’s more that he thinks I would do anything to betray or hurt him.
“What would you have me do?” He asks quietly. I sit forward.
“Give me back my phone. Have Laura remove the binding spell. I’ll stay until I’m safe and afterwards… Well, we’re friends. You’ll still get to see me.” I answer. Torin frowns, not happy with my plan.
“I wouldn’t see you nearly so much. It wouldn’t be the same.” He responds. I nod.
“You’re right, it wouldn’t be the same. But it would be a lot better and far healthier for us both.” I say bluntly. Torin pushes some papers on his desk around for a moment.
“Say I returned your phone to you… And you called your brother… What would you tell him?” He asks. I tilt my head.
“I’d tell him that I’m okay.” I state, isn’t that obvious. Torin leans forwards, elbows on the desk and his hands flat.
“And what about when he asks where you are, or why you aren’t at home? Are you going to lie to him?” He questions and I hesitate. I hadn’t thought about that.
“I’m… Not sure. I didn’t really think about that. I don’t usually lie to him. I don’t particularly want to lie to him. But I can’t tell him the truth either…” I trail off. I’m more puzzling it through myself than actually trying to answer his question. I think it’s pretty clear to both of us that I don’t have a good answer.
“Exactly. And that’s why I can’t give you back your phone. I don’t want to make a liar out of you. So as long as I keep it from you, then you don’t have to lie. You can just blame me instead.” He states firmly. I scrunch up my face.
“You want me to blame you? I don’t understand. It’s like you’re trying to make me dislike you.” I point out. As I say it I realise I might actually be right, kind of. I don’t think Torin wants me to hate him. But I do think he is insecure. He wants me to be his friend DESPITE how he’s acting, to prove that I care enough to forgive him.
“I don’t want you to dislike me… But you probably should.” He sighs.
“Torin… I don’t hate you. I don’t want to hate you. Please… Don’t try to force me to. Right now I want your trust. I want to be free to make my own choices. I don’t want to be free of you. I want to be free to CHOOSE to be your friend without having to worry about you also being my jailer.” I explain. Torin begins tapping his fingers on the table, clearly agitated. He gets to his feet and begins pacing, after exactly nine laps of the room, he whirls back to face me and kneels in front of my chair.
“I want you to choose me. I don’t want to be your jailer. But… I can’t let you go. Not yet. But… Maybe… Your phone. Just… Think of a plan. Work out something you can tell your brother. When you can answer that question, I’ll decide.” He says with a determined expression. His mind is made up. I nod my agreement and get to my feet, using his shoulder to help myself stand.
“In that case, I’m going to my room to start trying to figure out my options. If YOU have any ideas, you should tell me, alright? I promise, you have nothing to lose in trusting me.” I assure him. Then I walk out and leave him, still keeling by the chair and staring after me. It isn’t until I’m back in my room with paper and a pencil trying to plan out what to say to my brother that I realise exactly what Torin said to me. He didn’t say he wanted me to choose to be his friend, or to choose to come visit him. He just said he wanted me to choose him. I want to pretend that he was just talking about friendship but… I’m not totally sure that’s all he wants from me. I don’t think he is totally sure what he actually wants from me either. But I DO know that as long as he is keeping me trapped here, he isn’t an option. So there’s really no decision to make at all. 
Brewing Trouble
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