Lesson 169- Decisions are rarely black and white.

**LINDY**
Richard just stares at me.
“Huh?” He sounds confused.
“I asked why you returned my pelt to me.” I repeat. Richard shakes his head.
“Yeah, no I heard that part. I just don’t understand the question. What do you mean why? It’s the obvious thing to do, isn’t it?” He asks. I frown. 
“Not in my experience. You could have controlled me, you could have made me act, say, do, even think whatever you wanted. You… You haven’t exactly been subtle about your… Interest in me. You want me and with my pelt… You could have had what you wanted.” I point out. Richard looks absolutely HORRIFIED.
“I never wanted that! I don’t want to control you or change you. Not at all. I just wanted the chance to be around you, to support you and a chance to earn your good opinion.” He says firmly. I tilt my head, a little confused.
“But.. You’re always pushing me, telling me to speak up more or to try and talk to people more.” I remind him.
“That’s not because I want to change you. It’s because you want to change yourself. That’s why you started coming to the bar right, for a chance to live a little, get to know people? I just wanted to support that. I also just… Don’t like it when you’re afraid.” He explains. 
“Also… I know how it feels to be controlled and manipulated by someone. I was stuck under Solem’s thumb for years. He claimed I worked for him, but I wasn’t really anything more than a slave to him. I was miserable and I would NEVER intentionally do that to someone else.” He insists. I consider his words. The strange thing is, I already knew how he feels about slavery. I know that he’s the last person who would ever intentionally take away someone else’s free will. But because I don’t trust him, or anyone really. I’ve struggled to accept that. To believe the facts that have been right in front of me. It’s time for me to stop ignoring facts and to actually listen for once. 

I take a calming breath. 
“You asked me for a chance before, to explain yourself. You asked me to hear you out. I think I’m ready to do that now… If you still wanted to explain.” I’m kind of proud of myself. That came out pretty steadily. I sounded almost confident for once. Go me!
“Really?” Richard asks hopefully. I nod. 
“Yeah. I think it’s important that I do. I… I suspect that I’ve been treating you… Unfairly.” I admit. Richard opens his mouth to answer then snaps it shut again, apparently second thinking his response. Yeah that was him agreeing I’ve been unfair.
“You aren’t… Required to give me a chance you know. Just because I helped you. You’re allowed to continue to dislike me. You don’t even have to have a reason. I know I’ve been… Pushy. But no one is entitled to your time. I probably shouldn’t have been showing up the way I have been. I just thought that… Well you never really tried to get me to leave. You could have asked Rina or Torin and I’m sure they would have kicked me out if I was REALLY bothering you.” He says it like he’s asking for confirmation. I give a slight nod. He IS right. As much as I complained about it, I never made an effort to avoid him. Not really. I even enjoyed his attention sometimes. Richard smiles at my response.
“So you legitimately DO want to hear me out then?” He confirms and I risk a smile.
“Yeah. I… I came all the way down here so I could apologise, but also because I figure it’s time I stop judging you when I don’t have all the facts.” I explain. Richard nods and takes a deep breath before starting his explanation. 

“So, the first thing I need to explain is that I have a younger sister, Julia. She’s six years younger than me.” He starts. I glance back over at the pictures on the wall and he nods as my gaze falls on the pictures of him and the blonde girl I noticed earlier. 
“Yeah that’s Julia. So a few years ago Julia got sick, like really sick and she wasn’t getting better. It was bad. We… My parents… They didn’t think that she would make it. I was desperate and looking for solutions. I asked around and I heard that there was an alchemist in the city who was very talented and I thought that he might have a solution, or even something that could help her hold on a little bit longer while I found someone who would be able to help her. I mean magic is real, there had to be other options out there, right? So I found someone who could put me in touch with the alchemist and I arranged a meeting. I met with the guy and explained what was happening and he took pity on me. He gave me something for my sister and he gave it to me at a price I could actually afford which I’m certain was a substantial discount. At the time, I thought it was an absolute miracle. Actually, even given what resulted from it, it was still a miracle. My sister needed the help and I don’t regret going to find it for her.” He says firmly and I nod, a feeling of dread building inside me. I already know this story doesn’t end well. But looking after a sick sister? I really have been a jerk, haven’t I? Damn it. I wait for him to continue. 
“A few days after I saw the alchemist, some guys came, snatched me off the street and dragged me in front of Solem who insisted that I owed him. I had never even MET Solem. But what I didn’t realise is that the alchemist was employed by him. He explained that the alchemist had no right to help me or give me any kind of discount and that by doing so he and I had essentially stolen from him and that I owed him a debt. At the time, I didn’t actually know who he was, I didn’t exactly prepare for the meeting. I had no idea that he was a demon, and I thought that I legitimately owed him, so when he asked if I would be willing to work off the debt, I agreed. Obviously, that was a poor decision on my part.” Richard says dryly. I nod. That’s the exact situation most people are terrified of ending up in. It’s why everyone is so scared of demons.
“Right, so after that I was basically at Solem’s beck and call for about two years. I never specified how MUCH of a debt I owed him and apparently his magic decided that I would have to work for him until HE decided it was enough. Honestly I was getting desperate. He was constantly calling me and ordering me to do things… I know some of it was definitely illegal and… People got hurt. I never killed anyone.” He rushes to assure me. At this point he looks a little desperate. I nod my understanding and he relaxes a little.
“So a couple months ago, Solem called me again and he offered me a new bargain. He told me that I had to bring him the human bartender that was being held prisoner by the other demon, so Torin. I asked him if I tried to bring her, would that be enough to repay my debt and he agreed. I don’t think he realised that I said that I would TRY to bring her. So all I had to do was make a decent attempt and I would be free. I was desperate enough that I thought I would try. I didn’t think it would make Rina’s situation any worse, moving from being one demon’s prisoner to another. Obviously it wasn’t ideal, but I was just… I couldn’t keep working for Solem.” He says with a heavy sigh. 
“But… Why did you try to kill Torin? Were you still just trying to take Rina?” I ask softly. Richard shakes his head.
“No, at that point I had realised I wasn’t going to be able to take Rina without getting the binding spell removed. But I knew I would need to get rid of Torin to have any hope of doing that. But if I’m really being honest… I didn’t think I would succeed. I just… I thought that Rina was being imprisoned or controlled by Torin. I probably wasn’t being all that rational, but I thought that if I couldn’t free myself, I could at least free Rina.” Richard falls silent and watches me anxiously, waiting for my judgement.