Chapter 41

***Dear reader, this chapter has suicidal thoughts and tendencies. This chapter also touches on child loss. yes this is a spoiler but i would rather tell you now than hurt your mental health as you read the story. If you or someone you know is struggling, please reach out. I have been there. I understand. You are not alone. If you have been assaulted in any way, please know you aren’t alone. Your mental health is important to me. For those who have had carried an angel baby but never held them, for those who were born but had to leave, for the ones who are part of the club no one wants to be a part of, Know you aren't alone. I have lost 2 amazing little boys myself, one when he was born and lived to 7 weeks old in 2011, and my rainbow who passed away in 2022 at the age of 5 just 36 days before his 6th birthday. You are not alone. Please put yourself first xoxo****
Aurora

The world was so loud around me, but I didn’t want to come back. I didn’t want to respond to the questions. I didn’t want to think anymore. I didn’t want to feel anymore. I wanted to get under the hottest shower imaginable and wash away this feeling. The feeling of being dirty, disgusting. I knew I would never be able to wash away the feel of the unknown Alpha rutting into me. Of him taking me not caring my body wasn’t responding to him. The evil laugh as he made me bleed.
I couldn’t do this. How stupid was I to ever think I was strong enough to take on Gravin with just my mates by my side. I should have stayed hidden. I should have taken Kason and run as far away as possible and never returned. I should have never revealed myself to them. A pain shot through my heart at the thought of never having met my mates, but it was because I chose to go after them that I was going through this now. It was because I had wanted petty revenge.
I could feel them probing the bond trying to send me stuff through it, but I blocked all of them off trying to ice them out. I didn’t want to feel them. Not after what happened. I was dirty. I wasn’t good anymore. I could feel the tears in my eyes but kept them closed trying to hide behind the darkness of my lids. But I could feel them silently rolling down my cheeks.
My mates would never want me again. And honestly, I don’t think I could ever want them to touch me after this. They wouldn’t want to be with someone who couldn’t handle them touching her. They wouldn’t want someone who wasn’t strong anymore.
I was no longer good enough for them. I was broken. Torn away in a matter of hours from the woman I was.
“We are here baby; I’m going to pick you up again.” Nash says softly, my sweet alpha. I was going to miss him most of all. But I was no longer worthy.
They rush me into the ER, straight back to a room, I guess they had called ahead. The nurses had to push the three of them out a guard blocking them from coming back in as they had to stitch me up down there. I screamed and kicked and cried when a man would come near me. Female doctors being forced to be the only ones I allowed near me. The doctors crying at the sight of me. My nurses from upstairs coming down and crying out when they saw what had happened to me, they knew.
Everyone fucking knew. I was broken. I would never be me again. I could hear my alpha’s in the hall yelling, wanting in the room but I didn’t want them to see me like this again. I didn’t want anyone to know. How was I supposed to live with what happened?
I angrily wipe the tears from my cheeks and try to ignore the pain from the tearing, the pain from the angry knot forming on my forehead from where He had slammed my head against the ground when I stopped fighting. The pain in my ribs where he had thrown me against the cell. The pain I was feeling from where he had bitten me. Where he had forced a bond. The pain I was feeling from losing a mate I had never chosen.
The guys hadn’t noticed. They hadn’t seen but the doctors saw. They had found it. They took pictures of every single injury.
I could feel the guys trying to push comfort through the bond, but I shut it down. I couldn’t let them feel this pain. This disgust. This agony of what had happened to my body.
I don’t know how Kara stayed so strong when it happened to her. How she kept smiling, moving forward. Only she didn’t. she had become a shell of herself too. Only caring about the precious lives inside of her.
Was my baby even okay? I finally looked up at the doctor beside me, “my baby?” I whisper.
“We are having a ultrasound tech come, your OBGYN is on her way, I can’t make any promises right now.” She went to reach for me wincing as I shy away from her touch. I was dirty. I couldn’t let her touch me. I couldn’t let this rub off on her.
“Your alpha’s have spoken to the police. Everything was on body cams from what little I could hear. You won’t have to speak to anyone. But we would like you to talk to a therapist who specializes in what happened to you. It won’t change what happened, I know, trust me, I know.” She looks me in the eyes, “I have been where you are. I have stood where you stand. You are not alone.”
“What about the other Omegas?” Fighting back the sob that is begging to escape. The scream that wants to break free.
“They are being treated as well. We have ordered security to triple up to keep you all safe. Your alpha’s have covered everything.”
I nod, not knowing what else to say.
“Aroura!” my OBGYN opened the door, and I can see them standing outside my room, begging to be let in. But I couldn’t. Not yet. Not until I know. I think I already know. I think the alpha has torn away what was a miracle. Then what was I to live for?
A ultrasound tech entered the room behind Dr. Gwen.
“We can’t do a transvaginal,” She swallows deeply, trying to force away the pain in her voice as she talks. “You have a lot of trauma to that area, so we are going to do abdominal ultrasound, we will not only be checking on the baby but checking for any internal bleeding from your organs. I want to say I could smell you again, like I did that day at your home, but right now the pheromones from all the omegas that are radiating fear is overpowering.”
I nodded; I couldn’t speak. Because I knew if I said anything to her, that I would break down. That I couldn’t do this. Not when she knew me. Not when she had been there for me through everything I had been through.
I turned my head away as my shredded shirt was lifted and pushed under my breasts. I could hear her quiet gasp at the sight of the bruising from my sternum down. The bruises against the right side of my rib cage. She took a deep breath as the ultrasound tech started the ultrasound.
I refused to look at the screen because I knew before I heard her sob what had happened.
“Aroura, I’m so sorry.” She whispered.