Chapter Fifty Three

Aspen


“So, you've been coming to see me for a while now." Maci tells me, smiling brightly, "I know what I think, but I want to hear what your thoughts are. So, how are *you* feeling Aspen?" She asks, and I have to suppress a chuckle because it is such a shrink thing to say.
Instead, I just grin and think about how badly that question used to affect me. There was a time when she would ask me *How are you feeling* and I would break out in a cold sweat every time she would ask it when I first started coming. But, over the days, weeks, and months since the first time Maci asked it, I've found that it's gotten easier, no longer inducing a near panic attack at having to answer.
Looking back at her, I take in her kind olive green eyes, surrounded by a thick, fringe of long, dark lashes. Her small nose and cheekbones are covered with a smattering of freckles that are only made even more prominent by her fair complexion, and strawberry blonde hair. She's a petite woman, barely standing five feet tall, and weighing maybe a hundred pounds soaking wet. But, she's kind, and she listens without judgment—which, I guess is part of her job as a therapist, but her soft looks and kind demeanor help to put her clients at ease, allowing them to open up to and trust her.
Or, at least, that was the case for me.
She's helped me so much in uncovering the root of what had been bothering me, which stemmed from daddy issues-no surprise there, and having never felt settled from always moving—which is something that I still don't fully understand mom's reason behind.
Maci and her approach to my problems have been instrumental in my being able to successfully find myself again.
"I'm good," I tell her honestly, "and for once, it's not just a line. I truly feel like I'm finally myself again. Maybe an even better, more fulfilled, and understanding version of the girl that I was before the accident."
"And what about Boston and the loss of the child that you two created together?"
Sighing, I adjust myself on the chair that I've used for every session, not comfortable with using the couch, and tuck my right foot up beneath my butt, and my hands between my thighs by my knees. "Losing the baby, coming to terms with the loss, and moving on from it has probably been the hardest part," I explain. "It's been months, and there are times that I think about him or her and wonder about what they would have been like—even though I'd still be pregnant right now if I hadn't lost them, but it doesn't change the fact that those questions arise." I tell her, shrugging as I continue, "I've reached out to Boston at times when it's hurt so much that I didn't think I could breathe, but it's getting easier every day."
"And Boston? How have things been with him?"
Thinking about him makes me smile. He still makes my heart beat faster and gives me butterflies. "He's been amazing. He's given me the time that I've needed to work through everything, while still being there as my friend." I tell her, “He told me that he's been seeing a therapist to help him deal with what happened with Mallory. The trial made it harder for him to move on, having to relive that night over and over again, but he's finally on the way to healing now that it's over. He says that it's also helped him to move on from our loss. And also helped him to deal with the hurt and betrayal from his mom, after finding out that it was her and her drugged out, dealer boyfriend that hit me that night."
That was a huge surprise. The boyfriend had apparently been higher than a kite—or so he says. And good ol' Victoria—well, let's just say that she was way too busy sucking his dick to realize that they'd even hit someone.
The guy said that he didn't even remember it, didn't even know what they had been talking about when they'd brought him in for questioning. Fortunately, the police were able to get a subpoena for the cameras of the shops in the area and traced the car back to him.
"You two have been through quite a bit for being so young," she tells me, clasping her hands together as she leans forward, "do you think that you're ready to go back to being more than just friends with Boston?"
*That's the million-dollar question, isn't it?*
"I don't know, honestly. I still love him, but being able to be there for one another, and getting to know him without all of the sexual stuff is something that I needed more than I even realized. But, he's been through *so* much, just like you said. He's still working through it all, and I don't want to risk a setback by changing our dynamic. He means too much to me to risk his progress because I'm being selfish."
“Has he given you any reason to believe that it would hinder his progress, or even cause a setback if you two *were* to take things to the next level again?" As she asks this, she adjusts her position once more, reclining in the chair opposite me, in a more relaxed position.
"No, he hasn't. It's just something that I've been worried about." I say, shrugging.
"For him, or for yourself?" She asks pointedly.
"For him." She nods, watching me for a few moments.
"I think..." She starts, her face softening, a smile forming on her face, "I think that you're ready, Aspen. I think that by being able to admit your fears, and putting his wellbeing above your own, that you are more ready to move on and start that next chapter of your life."
"You do?" I ask, my heartbeat thundering in my ears in excitement.
"I do. And, I think that maybe Boston actually needs *you* to help *him* heal."
"I just, I love him." I say, biting my lips as I consider my next words, "I don't want to make it harder for him to heal."
"You won’t," she tells me, she looks like she wants to say more but decides against it, "just trust me on this, he needs you."
I nod, realizing that she's trying to give me hints, but she can't actually tell me because of confidentiality. So, instead, she's working around that by wording things in a manner that doesn't violate his rights.
*Is he her patient too?* I suddenly wonder.
"I still want to continue our sessions, but I am so proud of you and the amount of progress and growth that I've seen in you since that very first day when you stepped into my office looking like a broken girl who carried the weight of the world on her shoulders." She's smiling brightly at me now, her feelings written clearly on her face.
"I'm glad to have moved on from that girl too," I tell her honestly, and I am. That girl carried so much hurt and insecurity that I never thought I'd find my way out from under it.
"How are your mom and Collin doing?" she asks, changing the subject.
I smile at the mention of Boston's dad and my mom, "They seem great. They're taking things slower this time. Although, I kind of wonder if they're just waiting on things to change between Boston and me before she moves back in with him. She hasn't wanted to leave me in Monument to live on my own, even though I am old enough." I tell her, happy with how things have worked out for the two of them.
"I'm sure that has a lot to do with it. I'm glad they were able to work through their differences." She tells me, glancing at her watch to check the time.
"Well, it looks like our time is up," she says, standing and walking over to me to pull me in for a hug, "go get your boy and then report back to me at your next session on how everything goes," she says, throwing me a wink as she pulls back.
"Giving me homework, huh?" I say chuckling.
"This kind of homework? Most definitely." She says with a cheeky grin on her face.
"Will do," I reply, shaking my head, unable to contain the grin on my face. Never would I have imagined a therapist that would be like her. "Have a good evening." I call out to her as I leave her office."
"You too, Aspen. You too."