Chapter Sixty Nine
Lincoln
“B—Babies?” I blurt, because surely I heard the doc wrong. “As in more than one?”
Doctor Richard's face breaks out in an ear to ear grin, “I did, son. Congratulations to both of you. You’re having twins.”
“Twins?” I whisper to myself, unable to believe the words, even as the proof is sitting on the screen in front of me.
Standing, I shove my hands into my hair and turn my back on everyone in the room because I definitely need a minute.
I need more than a fucking minute.
A whole lot more.
I’ve just now come around to the idea of having one baby, and that was because it meant keeping Raleigh it my life.
But two babies?
That’s…*fuck!*
“Lincoln?” Raleigh’s hand grasps my shoulder, pulling me out of my thoughts but I shake her off and head for the door.
“I—can’t do this.” I say with a shake of my head. “ Without even turning around to look in her direction, " I murmur, “I need to think,” and it’s with those parting words that I walk out of Raleigh’s hospital room, eventually make my way out to the parking lot and over to my truck, all without a backwards glance.
My mind is racing and my heart is beating so hard that I’m afraid that it might beat right out of my chest, or that I might stroke out, but right now I need some time and space to think and figure out if this is really what I want.
I mean, what if those babies aren’t even mine?
Am I really ready to step up and play Daddy to two kids who aren’t even mine, knowing that I may never get to have kids of my own? All for a woman that I fell in love with in high school?
I want to say *Yes! Of fucking course, yes*, but I don’t know if that’s my head or my heart that’s doing the talking.
I drive around for what feels like hours but could have also only been thirty minutes, I’m too lost in my own thoughts to really know the difference at the moment. My phone hasn’t stopped ringing since I left the hospital.
Calls from each one of Raleigh’s brothers.
Calls from each of my own brothers.
Calls from Aspen.
Calls from my dad.
I ignore every single one of them.
When I’m ready to talk, there’s only one person who deserves my words and it’s her alone that will get them first.
Until then, I’ll wallow in my thoughts, self doubt, and any other fucked up thought that my mind decides to conjure up because apparently that’s just where my head happens to be at right now.
At some point, I must have decided that getting drunk was a good idea because it’s the middle of the fucking night, the house is pitch black, everyone is asleep and im trying to go up the stairs, but for some reason the steps keep moving on me. I go to plant my foot on the step right in front of me, and don’t ask me how but somehow I end up missing the step altogether and my drunk ass falls into the wall instead.
“Hey, I didn’t spill any of my whiskey,” I slur as I fist the 5th that’s nearly empty and bring the bottle to my lips and swallow down another mouthful, releasing a satisfying burp as the liquid finds its way into my stomach.
“What the fuck is going on?” Dal asks, stepping out of his room and around the corner, only to find me sprawled out on the steps.
“Brother!” I shout, “come here.” I make a waving motion with the bottle in my hand and then state, “ Have a drink with me!”
“Keep it down!” He hisses as he comes down the stairs, closing the distance between us. “It’s the middle of the night and the rest of us are sleeping, we do have school tomorrow you know? Where the hell have you been? Everyone’s been trying to get a hold of you. ” He raises a chastising eyebrow and I just roll my eyes and take another swig from my bottle, thinking *I didn’t really want to share with you anyway.*
“Oh, fuck off. My life is over anyway. School can’t fix my problems.” I grumble, simultaneously missing Raleigh and wishing I’d never met her. “I love her so fucking much it hurts. Why’d she have to fuck him?”
“She didn’t do it to hurt you.” He says as he sits down on the step above me and takes my bottle away from me. “I think you’ve had enough.” I consider arguing with him but figure *What's the point?*
“You don’t know that,” I murmur, feeling sorry for myself. “I’ve never loved someone before her other than mom, and maybe Aspen. But that’s different. She’s broken something inside of me, Dal.”
I hiccup, and shake my head but stop when I start to get dizzy.
“I thought I was okay with it. I thought I understood but how can I be, huh? How can I be okay with my girl willingly fucking another man and getting off by him?”
“But I thought it was out of self preservation?” Dal asks, leaning forward and forcing me to look him in the eyes.
I roll my eyes and huff out a sigh, “That’s what she said, but I’m not sure I really believe it.”
“And why not? Huh?” He sounds like he’s getting angry now and I’m taken aback by his tone. “Has she ever given you any reason to doubt her loyalty to you? Any *real* reason to doubt it?”
“Well, no…” I mumble as I hang my head in shame.
“Grow the fuck up, man.” Dal says as she stands up and shoves past me. “Get a shower. Sober up and apologize, fucking beg, for her forgiveness. She’s been through hell and you’re throwing a hissy fit because, what? She got fucked and you didn’t? Grow the fuck up, Lincoln! She was *RAPED!*”
That hits me like a slap to the face.
*Fuck!*
*I fucked up.*
Here, after the twin revelation, I’d completely forgotten about that fact, only focusing on her giving herself to him and not the *why* behind her actions.
*God damnit mother fucker I’ve fucked up!*
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