Chapter One Hundred One

Raleigh

The murmur of distant voices pulls me from a light and fitful sleep. Reaching for Lincoln next to me, I find what I’ve come to consider his side of the bed, empty.
With a frown, I scoot over to the edge of the bed, my ever-growing belly making movements like sitting up from laying and rolling from one side to the other, more difficult by the day.
With my feet planted firmly on the floor, I use the bedside table and heave myself up from the bed. At almost six months along, my belly resembles a fully inflated basketball already and I don’t even want to imagine how big I’m going to be at full term.
If we even make it take far, I think, running my hand over the large swell of my stomach as both babies begin rolling, kicking and whatnot as I pull the bedroom door shut behind me.
The sound of the guy’s voices grows louder as I pad down to Jackson’s room, smiling at the thought of having all of us under the same roof.
As I get closer, their words become clearer, causing the smile to slip from my face.
“…a therapist from the list that I got from the hospital, but I truly think that us pulling back and giving her space to figure things out will be best for her, even if leaving her is the absolute last thing that I want to do after everything that we’ve went through.” My breath catches at Lincoln’s words, tears building in my eyes as I recall what we had been discussing before I fell asleep.
“What if just I go?” Jackson asks, his voice sounding sad but resolved. “You are her boyfriend. I’m just…” he stops for a moment, then with a heavy sigh, he says, “I’m just me. I’m not her boyfriend. I’m a fuck buddy, for a lack of a better term.”
His reference to what has been going on between us hurts because I truly do care about him, but not in the way that I do his brother.
“Do you love her?” I hear Lincoln ask suddenly, the question taking me by surprise.
And to be honest, I’m just as surprised by Jackson’s reply when he says, “I have no right to love her.” And the broken sound of his voice when he sys it, fuck it literally kills me that I’m hurting them so much.
I’m about to go inside, making my presence known when I hear Lincoln say, “You’re allowed to feel how you feel, man.” And his response, the fact that he’s not upset about his brothers’ feelings for me, God, I love that man.
“But she isn’t mine to love.”
I hear one of them moving around, then Lincoln says, “We’ll figure this out. Let’s just help her get better first.”
“I still think it should only be me that moves in with Bos and Aspen. She needs you here.” Jackson says, his level of understanding and support of his brother and I, even when he’s hurting shattering me.
I’m unable to hold back my tears or the sob that leaves me as I step into the room, finding both men repacking Jackson’s stuff.
“I’m so sorry,” I somehow manage to breathe out between gasps of breath, my tears coming out as a full-on deluge now. “I never meant to hurt either of you.”
I feel a pair of arms wrap around me, immediately recognizing the person as Jackson by the smell of his cologne. His breath tickles my temple as he murmurs, “Sweetheart, don’t worry about me.”
A second body comes up behind me, pulling my back to his front. Lincoln places a gentle kiss against my neck, just below my ear as he places his hands on my stomach, then murmurs, “Just focus on you, our babies and getting better.”
I take in their words, their warmth and their presence, feeling a mixture of loved and saddened because I truly never meant to hurt anyone.
Moving my hands to his face, I pull Jackson’s mouth down to mine for a chaste kiss. Our lips touch and he releases a moan that sends a surge of want straight between my thighs.
Deepening the kiss by slipping his tongue into my mouth, Jackosn drops his hands to my hips and thrusts his pelvis, his hardness hitting me right where I’m throbbing for attention.
“Jackson,” his names comes out as a plea, whether it’s for him to stop or keep going, I can’t say for sure as my mind is currently warring with the desires of my body.
I reach for his jean-clad cock, finding him already hard and ready. I stroke my hand up his shaft as he thrusts into my hand, the word, “fuck” falling from his lips.
Behind me, Lincoln’s hardness presses into my ass, his hand beneath his t-shirt that I’m wearing, plucking at my sensitive nipples.
“Are you sure you want to do this?” Lincoln asks, his voice low, gravely and full of desire.
It’s when Jackson moves to pull my shorts down that it hits me.
“No,” I murmur with a shake of my head in response to Lincoln’s question.
Immediately, both men freeze, not moving a muscle as they wait for my word.
“I can’t do this,” my chest is heaving, my clit pulsing with need, but I have to put a stop to this.
“This isn’t fair to either of you,” I say as I look from Jackson in front of me, then turn my head to take in Lincoln behind me. “I don’t want to hurt either of you any more than I already have.”
And clearly none of us can control ourselves, I think to myself.
Then I resolve myself to what must happen, at least for now.
“I think you both should go.” I say as I step out from both of their embraces. I turn so that I cans ee them both as I speak and say, “This just proves that we can’t live here together and not end up in bed together.”
“I’m not leaving you here by yourself,” Lincoln states, looking at me as though he will fight me on this.
I want to comment that just a few minutes ago, he was arguing for the both of them to leave and now he’s suddenly changed his mind. Doubtful.
But instead, I just say, “I’ll ask Serenity to stay with me.”
“Her and your brother just moved in together two months ago. She loves you and probably would do it in a heartbeat if you asked her, but…” Lincoln doesn’t finish what he was going to say, but he doesn’t have to.
I know that I can’t do that to them. Besides, she wouldn’t be able to protect me if Brody is still actually alive and decides to come after me again and we all know it.
“I’ll move in here,” Lincoln says, which honestly makes me feel better than any of the alternatives. “Then you won’t be here alone. But…”
“We won’t be sharing a bed,” I finish for him, hating that we’re in this situation all because of me.
Without warning, everything becomes too much and I back away, then dash from the room, tears and sobs falling from me as I make it to my door.
Pulling it open, I rush inside then slam it shut just as Lincoln and Jackson make it to the door.
I make a point to turn the lock, both to keep them out but also to keep me in.
With my back to the hard wood, I slide down until my butt is resting on the floor and bury my face in my hands.
“Baby?” Lincoln calls from the other side of the door. I hear him say something to his brother, then the sound of footsteps retreating. “It’s just me. Will you please let me in?”
I don’t respond other than by crying harder.
“Please, Baby,” he pleads. “Knowing that you’re hurting and not being able to do anything to help, or at least hold you…Baby, it’s killing me. Please.”
“I won’t let anything happen. I swear,” comes a few breaths later.
Moving first to my hands and knees, then using the door, I get to my feet, turn the lock to the unlocked position, then move to the bed.
Grabbing Lincoln’s pillow, I wrap my arms around it and bury my face into it just as I hear the door open. I hear him step inside the room, the sound of the door shutting following before he crosses the distance between it and the bed.
When he sits down and pulls me into him, wrapping his strong arms around me, I only cry harder.
When he places a kiss against my hair and mutter, “I’m sorry,” I can barely breathe I’m crying so hard.
And when I feel him begin to shake and then moisture falls to my shoulder, I fucking fall completely apart.