Chapter Nine
Jackson
*Fuck.*
*Fuck.* *Fuck!* Fuck!!*
Her words from last night have run through my head on a near constant loop that I can’t seem to make stop.
And as if that weren’t cutting enough, the look on her face as she barely held herself together haunted me all fucking night long.
And I have no one the blame but myseld.
I pushed her too hard.
I should have heeded her cues, instead I ignored them, moving full steam ahead, all because I so desperately wanted to help her.
Hell, help all of them.
She’s just the key to unlocking it all.
I’d stake my badge on it.
I’ll never be able to wipe away the cold detachment that took over her face when she declared, “I fuck,” in answer to my question though.
She tried to hurt me, comparing what I *know* we both felt and experienced to the things that she does and has done in order to survive.
And I’d be lying if I said that her words hadn’t hit their intended target, because they most certainly did.
I am only human after all.
But I don't blame her for lashing out and trying to hurt me, after all, again I pushed her, cornered her.
And what happens when you corner a wounded animal? They lash out. They attack, anything to try to protect themselves from a perceived threat.
In this case, that threat was me.
But even with the ugly things that she spewed at me last night, it doesn’t stop me from wanting to help her. If anything, it only makes me want to double down and help her that much more.
As I laid in bed all night, unable to sleep, a few things occurred on me though.
The first is that we didn’t use a condom, that after four years of celibacy, I don’t even own any and need to rectify that STAT.
Secondly, if *that* really is what she’s done in order to survive the last God only knows how many years, I need to get to a clinic to get checked out like yesterday.
It’s not that I don’t trust her, it’s just that, well…I guess I just don’t trust her enough to take care of herself in that manner, or it wouldn’t even be an issue.
And also, when I find her, I need to make sure that she too is okay, not only physically, but mentally and emotionally─making it one of my top priorities, on top of making sure that she is safe and away for *that* life.
Unfortunately, I can only take care of one thing at a time and since I don’t even know where Brooklyn is at the moment, she has to take a backseat to the things that I can tackle─which is getting to a clinic.
Then, I have to knuckle down and get to work on this ever-growing pile of schoolwork that’s likely smashed to hell in my backpack.
Once school is out, Cecily and her murderer need to become my main focus─the poor girl deserves some justice and the person who did this to her needs to be put behind bars, just incase he’s inclined to strike again.
After getting around for the day, I call the clinic and get an appointment set up for this afternoon. With my schoolbag slung over my shoulder, both cells and my keys in my hand, wallet in my pocket and badge and gun concealed beneath my clothes, I head out the door, ready to get this day going.
Just as I shut the door, my personal cell dings with an incoming message.
**Bos: Thanks**
That’s it.
One word.
Nothing more, nothing less but it’s still something.
With my thumbs hovering over the screen, I contemplate responding before finally saying *fuck it* and going with the *there’s only so many things within my control and this just so happens to be one of them* attitude, I go for it.
Without hesitating another second, I begin typing out a long past overdue message to the three people who have always treated me better than I deserved, all in the name of blood.
**Jax: I’m sorry. That’s the very first thing that I both need and want to say.**
**Jax: You guys have always been my best friends and had my back when shits got tough and instead of turning to you guys to get through things, or instead of just being a mature adult and facing things head on, I ran and cut you all out like a little pussy.**
**Jax: I’ve learned the past 4 years that shit gets hard. There’s no way around that, but it’s how you handle it that makes you who you are.**
**Jax: I really hope that you guys can forgive me, and we can start to mend the relationship that I broke, but I understand if one, some or none of you are there yet.**
**Jax: Just know that I am sorry and that I fucking love you guys. That has never wavered.**
After having said my piece, even with not expecting a response back from any of them, I pocket my phones and continue heading down the stairs, my mind filled with Brooklyn and how I can help her, Cecily and how or why she was targeted, and all the unfinished assignments literally weighing me down.
Just as I get to my truck, a thought strikes me and without questioning it, I pull out my personal cell, scroll through my contacts and press call on the name of a person that has been neglected for entirely too long as well.
“Hello? Jax? Is everything okay?” He asks, answering on the first ring.
“Hey Dad,” I say, with a sigh of relief, not even realizing that I’d been holding my breath. And hearing his voice after so long, *fuck*, I hadn’t realized how much I’d missed him. “Yeah, I’m okay,” I say in answer to his question. Then, trying not to get choked up, I ask, “Can─can I come see you?”
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