Chapter Forty Four

Aspen


I watch as Boston descends the stairs and my stomach sinks when he walk out the front door. *Why does him leaving bother me? Especially if he did do what I've accused him of.*

*But what if he didn't?*

*What if he was telling the truth? I hadn't even really considered that there could have been something between us because they're my step-brothers. Who does something like that?*

"Aspen, please..." Lincoln begs, stepping in front of me and blocking me from going downstairs. "I know that we've fucked up in the past, but I'm telling you the truth. I wouldn't lie to you about this."

*My head is so confused, I don't know what to think or believe. Can I not believe my memories? Am I skewing the truth because it's easier to accept than having something going on between me and one of my step brothers?*

Heaving a sigh, I look up at him, a face so much like the one that I'd seen in my dreams. Strangely though, even though they are quadruplets, I just somehow knew that it wasn't the other three that was holding me against a tree, thrusting into me. It was Boston.

"I just need time to figure everything out." I finally say, turning my attention away from him, looking into his face too painful, as the memory of *that* night, or what I can remember of it, plays through my mind on a nonstop video reel.

"And that requires you to leave?" He asks, sounding exasperated.

"Lincoln, look, I don't expect you, any of you, to understand because you’re not in my shoes, but I can't sleep in the room next to him and feel safe when I don't *know* what happened. All I have are glimpses of..." I can't continue that sentence as my breathing begins to pick up in pace, my chest tightening. "I just can't." I say, tears filling my eyes as fear starts to overwhelm me.

Lincoln pulls me into his chest and wraps his arms around me. Him trying to comfort me should freak me out even more, but surprisingly it doesn't. "Please try to remember," he says, whispering against the top of my head as tears fall down my cheeks.

"I'm trying." I tell him, sniffling. "I don't like being in the dark about everything, trying to guess about the glimpses that I do get."

"I know it can't be easy," he says, pulling back and looking down from me, "just please, don't do anything rash. He would never hurt you. I know you don't remember, but he loves you."

Instead of answering, I just shrug and duck my head because I don't know how to respond, per usual recently.

"Do you have everything you need?" My mom asks, breaking into my thoughts as she leaves her room, Collin following after her, his face covered with a mixture of emotions.

I feel like I'm ruining everyone's lives.

Unable to take it any longer, a sob escapes me as I crumble into a heap on the floor, my emotions overwhelming me.

"Aspen?" I hear all three of them say, but I'm too lost in my own head to listen to what any of them are saying.

*What if I'm right and Boston is just trying to protect himself?*

*What if I'm wrong and I'm ruining something that could have been amazing, and I just don't remember it?*

*And then there is Mom and Collin, their relationship will never be the same, Lines have been drawn, sides have been chosen. Mom has chosen me, and Collin chose Boston. And honestly, if sides have to be chosen, this is the way that it should be. A parent should always back their child.*

*But, I'm the one with holes in my memory, not them.*

*I can't help but wonder, what if I'm wrong?*

"Aspen?" I hear Lincoln say my name again, and then I feel someone lower themselves down onto the floor, sitting next to me, and then pulling me in to their lap. "Shh..." he murmurs, rocking me back and forth and petting my hair, as I cry into his shoulder, soaking his shirt.

"Get away from her!" Mom shouts. I can hear the anger and accusation in her voice, but I can't bring myself to defend the boy who is trying to comfort me at the moment, too caught up in my own head.

But it doesn’t make me question, *he hasn't done anything wrong, has he?*

"Ashlynn—" Collin starts, only to be cut off by my mom when she snaps at him.

"Don't you *Ashlynn* me," she growls, "*Your* son hurt *my* daughter. I don't want any of them anywhere near her. For all I know, they all knew and were in on it. Aspen, honey, we're leaving." I feel her pulling on my arm, trying to pull me out of Lincoln's lap, but everything hurts too badly.

*My head.*

*My heart*.

*I feel sick —wait....nope...I'm actually going to* be *sick*, I think as I push away from Lincoln and stand up as quickly as I can manage and turn, open the door to Boston's room, then rush into the bathroom, barely making it to the toilet before getting sick.

"Aspen, honey..." Mom says, as she comes up behind me and pulls my hair out of my face, "are you okay, sweetheart?"

Shaking my head, no, I stand up, grab some toilet paper to wipe my hands and face, then flush the toilet before turning to face my mom. "I don't know." I tell her honestly, my head both throbbing and spinning, "I think I need to lie down."

"Come on." She says, wrapping her arm around me and guiding me out of the bathroom, back through Boston's room and then out in to the hallway again, where I find Collin, Raleigh and the other three boys standing.

Collin looks a mixture between, hurt and pissed.

Jackson just looks plain pissed.

I see sympathy written all over Dallas's face.

Lincoln is standing behind Raleigh with his arms wrapped around her waist, both of them looking broken, only Raleigh has tears in her eyes.

Breaking away from Lincoln's hold, Raleigh rushes over to me, wrapping her arms around me, "Aspen!" she sobs out my name, her shoulders shaking as she cries, "I'm sorry. I wish I knew how to help you. To make this better and help you to remember," she manages to get out between hiccupping sobs.

"Come on," mom says, not wasting any time as she pulls me away from a still crying Raleigh.

Grabbing both of our bags, she guides me down the stairs and out the front door. I jolt as the door slams shut behind us, as if both physically and metaphorically closing the door on this chapter of our lives.

"Where will we go?" I ask as we make our way over to the car that Collin had bought her.

She puts our stuff in the backseat without saying a word and then opens the driver side door and gets behind the wheel. Following her lead, I open the passenger door and take a seat next to her. She releases a sigh, and then rocks the key forward, starting the car. "We will get a hotel room for now and just take it one day at a time."

I watch the neighborhood pass by as we make our way out of it, heading towards town.

As we drive, a thought occurs to me. One that I don't know that I've asked yet, but one that I should have asked before now.

"Hey, Mom?" I say, breaking the silence that had settled into the car like a dark cloud.

"Yeah," she says distractedly.

"The car that hit me..." I start but then stop, trying to figure out how to word what I'm wanting to say, "Was there ever an investigation in to who was behind the wheel? Did they figure out who it was?"

"The police questioned the boys and everyone who was at the restaurant at the time that may have seen something." she says as she slows and turns her blinker on to turn left. "They're still looking for who the person was that hit you. They've had a couple of leads, but nothing that has panned out as of yet."

I nod, wondering if we will ever get answers.

Wondering if I will ever get answers period.

I have so many unanswered questions and no answers, no memories.

I glance around the overly full parking lot as we turn in to the hotel. Mom parks and then turns to me, "stay here. I'll see if they have any rooms available and then be right back."

I nod in understanding, still looking out at all of the vehicles, wondering if the person that hit me will ever be found.

A red Chevy Malibu pulls in to the spot next to me, and suddenly I scream as a memory hits me hard and fast at the sight of it.

*I'm rushing away from Boston and a group of girls, tears blurring my eyes as I race across the parking lot. I can hear them shouting at me, but I'm not paying much attention to what their saying or where I'm going. The need to get away from them, the hurt that I'm feeling too much.*

*I stop, choking out a sob as my body begins to shudder when something crashes into me, knocking me to the ground. My legs come out from under me, and my upper body and head slam against whatever I landed on. It stops, momentarily and I fall to the pavement, my head hitting it so hard that it ricochets back before striking it once more. I somehow manage to pry my eyes open, just as a red car pulls out of the parking lot and onto the main road. I try to keep watching but my vision becomes hazy and then darkness takes over.*

"Aspen! Aspen!" Someone shouts and then shakes me, pulling me out of whatever it was that I was in, "Aspen!"

I look up at my mom's concerned face and then immediately back out the passenger window, the red car no longer there, but the memory of what happened clear in my head as I look back at my mom.

"What happened?" Mom asks, her fer evident in her voice as well as written all over her face.

"I-I think I had a memory."