Chapter Forty Five

Boston

Sweat trickles down my back as I make my way to the sidelines, the roar of the crowd near deafening as the game continues out on the field as our boys on defense try to hold Rydell from getting yet another touchdown and winning the game.
We've managed to make it to the championship game. While Aspen was in the hospital, I threw myself into football to keep my mind off of her just lying in that hospital bed, or about how I was lying to her mother about the baby being mine.
I helped lead our team to victory after victory, while Aspen was in the hospital, playing football seemed to be the only time that I found myself happy without her by my side. Although not having her on the sidelines hasn't been the same, not hearing her cheering me on and having her there, running up to me after the games that our parents didn't attend-which were basically only away games-and jumping into my arms, her excitement contagious.
*I miss it. I miss her*, I think as I look over at the girls cheering on the sidelines, then glance over at the scoreboard, watching the clock countdown the final few minutes of the game.
"Boston!" the assistant coach yells to get my attention. I walk over to him, readying myself for a reaming, "What the hell has gotten into you boy?" he asks, his face red from anger, "this isn't like you, not hitting your mark, not following the plays. What's gotten in your head?"
"Sorry, I guess my head is just not in it tonight," I tell him, looking down at the ground as guilt hits me over letting my team down. It's not just my head that's not in it, my heart isn't in it anymore either and that fucking sucks because football was my life before Aspen came into it. I lived and breathed for the game, and now...
"Your head hasn't been in it for the past week. What happened to the boy who led us here?" he asks, his face no longer as red as he sees my guilt over the whole situation.
"He lost his heart," I mutter, my chest aching as I think about Aspen and the way she looked at me the last time that I saw her. She looked at me as if she actually thought that I would hurt her like she was scared of me. And there isn't anything that I can do to change that because I don't want to push her further away by trying. Not only that, but I haven't seen her since she and Ashlynn left that day. She withdrew from school, and quit the cheer squad and I haven't the slightest idea of where they've gone.
"Look, Boston, you're clearly going through some stuff, I know you've been going through it for a while now, but when you're out here on this field, man, you've got to put it all out of your head. You have too much going for you to lose it all now because of whatever is eating at you."
I nod, showing him that I hear him, and reply, "I'll work on it."
I know that I should want to care, and I do feel guilty about letting my team down, and it's easier to hear his words, to understand them, than what it is to actually put them into action.
I want to be able to put it all out of my mind when I'm on the field. Hell, I'd like to be able to put it all out of my head *period*, before not only my game begins to suffer, but my grades as well, but I can't seem to be able to. She's taken up too much of my life. Everywhere I look, I see her. Every time I hear a song, it reminds me of her, and I don't know how to get past it.
I sound like a heartbroken pussy.
And in truth, I guess that's what I am, except we never actually broke up and I don't know where to go from here. What if she never gets her memories back and she believes from now on that I raped her. And if she were to go to the authorities, she could ruin my life.
I hear the crowd begin whooping and hollering, and glance up just in time to watch Jericho intercept the pass to the other team at their forty. "You got this Jericho!" I shout, watching as he dodges Rydell's players left and right, "Go! Go! Go!" I continue shouting, life beginning to come back to me as I watch my team hold back or take down Rydell's players as best as they can so that Jericho can earn us a win.
"Fuck yeah!" I say, thrusting my fist into the air when he crosses over the line into the endzone, earning us the final touchdown! The crowd goes wild, our team goes wild, and we all rush out onto the field, tackling Jericho to the ground and dogpiling on top of him.
"Alright! Alright!" Coach says, coming to stand next to us, "let him up. Let him up."
We all climb off and begin making our way back to the locker room to shower.
"You okay, man?" Linc asks as he steps up beside me as we walk up the hill.
"Is that a trick question?" I ask, casting him a glance that tells him everything he needs to know.
"You're right. I'm sorry man, I know it's hard. I wish there was something I could do." He mutters, shaking his head and then letting out an exasperated sigh.
"Have you spoken to her?" I ask, hopeful that maybe I still have some sort of a link to her.
"No, trying to give her time and space. I think Raleigh has though, although she's been pretty quiet about everything." He says as we step through the door and make our way to our locker, "Want me to ask her?"
"Would that be asking too much?" I ask, I seriously feel like a fucking twelve-year-old asking for help with a crush instead of an almost eighteen-year-old.
"Nah, man. You're my brother, of course, I'll do anything to help you." he says, slapping me on the back as we head towards the showers, "besides, I know that you'd do the same for me."
"Without hesitation," I tell him, feeling beyond grateful to have brothers as good as mine. I know that not everyone has the best relationship with their siblings and that I'm damn lucky to have the relationship that I do with my brothers.
After showering and getting dressed, I pull my phone from my locker. My pulse skyrockets and my whole body becomes flush as I spy Aspens' name on my screen.
*She sent me a text. That has to be a good sign, right?*

**Aspen: Can we talk?**

Seeing those three words on my screen, fear courses through my body.
*Fuck! Is something wrong?*
*Is it the baby?*
*Oh God, what if something happened to the baby and I'm not there to be there with her, to help her through it?*
Taking a deep breath, I try to calm myself down. It could be nothing. I shouldn't automatically jump to conclusions that something bad has happened. Maybe she's remembered something. Maybe she remembered that we do love one another and that what she thought she remembered was wrong.
I'm probably reaching, but it's always possible, right?
Shaking my head, and taking a deep breath, I type out a reply.

**Boston: Is everything okay?**

She writes back almost immediately.

**Aspen: Yeah. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have messaged. I'm sorry for bothering you.**
**Boston: No! Please don't go!**
**Boston: You can talk to me about anything. Always.**
**Aspen: This is weird.**
**Boston: What's going on Aspen?**

I stand at my locker as I watch the three little dots bouncing on the screen with bated breath, waiting to see what she has to say, elated that she's reached out to me, mind reeling with what she could be wanting to talk about. Hoping with everything in me that I'm about to get my girl back.
"Bos, everything okay?" Linc asks, stepping up beside me to pull his clothes from his locker and put them on.
"She messaged me," I tell him, showing him my phone.
"What did she say? He says, pulling his shirt over his head, then looking at me with a curious look on his face.
"She asked if we could talk," I say with a shrug, trying to act like I'm not inwardly going out of my mind wondering what she could want to talk to me about. All the while refraining from calling her and asking her all the questions that have plagued me over the past week.

**Aspen: I'm just trying to put something together that you said.**
**Aspen: Did we really love one another?**
**Boston: We did.**

I tell her simply, then I send another text. One that I hope isn't a mistake but need her to know. I will tell her as often as I have to until she believes me.

**Boston: I still love you. I know you don't remember but the way I feel about you hasn't changed.**

I wait, watching the three little dots again. Lincoln is standing at my shoulder waiting and watching with me as the little dots show that she's typing out her reply. Then, they disappear, and then pop up again.

**Aspen: I think I remember something...**