Chapter Eighty Seven
Lincoln
I’m sitting here with my head spinning, trying to figure out what in the hell just happened.
One minute I’m pissed and we’re fighting.
The next I’m buried balls deep inside the woman that I love.
And then…she’s letting me go?
The passenger door opens again but this time, it’s Jax’s large form that slips inside instead of her tiny figure.
“What the hell happened?” He bites out on a growl, his hand gesturing towards where he must have just seen Raleigh.
Shaking my head, I lower it to the steering wheel, and murmur, “ I don’t know,” at a loss as to what to say because I know what she said…but I just don’t understand why.
Jackson heaves a heavy breath and then says, “Run through it with me. Everything. Tell me what happened. What was said. All of it. Don’t leave anything out.”
I roll my head against the steering wheel, giving him an incredulous look because *he has got to be kidding me. I am not getting into the nitty gritty details.*
As if reading my mind, he rolls his eyes and says, “I don’t want to know about the sex, idiot. I want to know what was said!”
With a huff, I plop back against the seat and lean my head against the headrest and begin telling him everything that happened.
“So…let me get this straight…” Jax says, his eyebrows drawn in in concentration. “She didn’t break up with you. She’s just saying that you need to figure out, for your mental health if taking on two babies is the right choice after what just happened. And Linc, I’m sorry to say it, but frankly she’s right. After what I walked in on the other day…” he shakes his head and shudders. “You need to be sure.”
“I thought I had lost her and the babies.” I growl. “I felt hopeless and worthless and like no one would care if I lived or died. It was just all too much. It was *because* I thought I had lost her that I did it.”
“I get that, man but she’s not wrong. That was the reason that sent you there this time. But what if between daddy duties and boyfriend or husband duties and school and work, it all becomes too much and you get too overwhelmed and there’s a next time?” He’s not accusing when he says this, his voice is gentle but he’s trying to help me see things from her point of view.
“But what if there isn’t?” I say as a pit forms in my stomach.
“You need to be sure that there isn’t. Get the help. Make sure that they are what you want. That is what she is asking for you to do. She is putting what you need before what she wants. She doesn’t want to be without you. She loves you. The girl that I just saw walking into the school was completely broken at the thought of walking away from you but she’s not doing it for her. She’s trying to do the right thing for you.”
“Okay,” I say, nodding my head. “I’ll do what she asks and figure it out. But, will you stay close to her and watch over her for me, please?”
“You didn’t even have to ask.” He pulls me into a quick hug and then mutters, “That girl is family. I’ll do everything I can to take care of her.” Before pulling back and climbing from the car. “I’ll see you at home. Be careful and love you bro.”
“Love you too.” I mutter as he closes the door and makes his way across the parking lot and back to my heart.
As soon as I get home, I grab my discharge paperwork that someone left on the kitchen table and head up to my room, flipping through the pages as I go.
As soon as I find what I’m looking for, I put the number in my phone and hit dial.
After scheduling an appointment with Dr. Rutherford for after school tomorrow, I lay back in bed and think about everything that happened today, everything that she said.
I hated hearing those words coming out of her mouth, they broke me and I honestly didn’t think I could be anymore broken than I already was, guess I was wrong.
I get where she’s coming from, as much as I don’t like it.
Babies are a lot of work and stress and I know she’s looking out for me but I can’t help but fear that what if she’s just using it as an excuse because she doesn’t actually want *me* anymore but someone else that she’s gotten close to since I’ve been gone.
Someone who doesn’t have all the problems that I have.
*No*, I think with a shake of my head. *She wouldn’t do that.* *I saw how tore up she was, she didn’t like the idea anymore than I did.*
I’ll work through all of this with Dr. Rutherford, get my head on straight and get my girl and my babies back.
“How’d it go?” Bos asks as he steps into my room, Dal slipping in and closing the door behind them.
I’m surprised to see that Aspen isn’t here too, and although I love her, right now I’m glad that she stayed behind, whatever her reason for it was.
The last thing I want, when I feel like my heart has been ripped from my chest all over again, is their relationship shoved in my face.
Without answering, dropping my gaze to the floor, staring at nothing in particular, I shake my head back and forth, at a loss for words.
“Was she not happy to see you?” Dal asks hesitantly.
I rub my hands over my face before pushing them into my hair and tugging at the strands until it hurts.
Dropping my arms, I place my elbow against my thighs and lean forward.
“I don’t know,” I mutter, glancing up, first at him and then at Bos without fully lifting my head. “At first she seemed like she was but then…I think she broke up with me.”
“Woah…” Dal says, his brows drawn in in confusion. His voice is a mixture of concern and anger as he states, “That doesn’t make any sense. What the hell happened?”
I snort and just roll my eyes but don’t actually say anything.
Apparently, they don’t like that response because Bos growls at me and takes a step closer, “So, help me God, Linc. I know you're going through some shit. But, we’re trying to fucking help you. Talk to us!”
Standing up and getting in his face, I shout back, “Your not my fucking shrink. Why the hell do you even care?”
Grabbing me by my shoulders, Bos lowers his voice as he asks, “Are you fucking kidding me, man?”
Stepping up beside both me and Bos, Dal rests his hand on my arm and says, “You’re our brother. Our blood. A part of us. Of course we care. Freaking talk to us. Let us help you. We don’t want to have what happened the other day happen again, or worse.”
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