Chapter Fifty Five

Boston

Lying in her bed with her cuddled up next to me feels like a dream after months of wishing for exactly this.
I have missed her more than words can say. Yeah, we've spoken on the phone, leaned on one another as we mourned the loss of our baby and discussed the revelations of the night of her accident.
We've been friends, and it was good, definitely better than not having her in my life at all, but at the same time it made it harder, made it hurt more because I didn't want to be holding the phone as she cried into my ear, I wanted to be holding her in my arms.
Running my fingers through her silky hair, I revel in the moment, beyond thankful that she's come back to me.
"I'm sorry," she mumbles, breaking me out of my thoughts.
"There's nothing to be sorry for," I tell her, cupping her cheeks with my palms and staring into her teary eyes.
"Yes, there is," she says, placing her hand on the back of my right hand, folding her fingers in mine, then bringing our hands to her mouth, placing a gentle kiss against my knuckles. "I hurt you," she whispers against them, then looking up at me with so much love and conviction staring back at me, "I didn't mean to, but by pushing you away and asking for time, for friendship, I hurt you."
"Baby, listen to me, okay?" I say, sitting up and pulling her into my lap, her knees resting on either side of my hips as she straddles me, "you took the time that *you* needed to heal. Did it hurt like hell? Yes," I tell her honestly, not wanting to keep anything from her, "but I'd do it all over again if it means that I get you back." I pause pulling back again to ask something that just occurred to me, "I do have you back, don't I?"
"Yes." She breathes out the word, wrapping her arms around my torso, laying her head against my chest, "I don't plan on going anywhere."
"Then it's all worth it," I tell her, stroking my hand up and down the smooth skin of her upper back. "I will always put you first, Aspen."
"You're amazing, do you know that?" As she asks this, she places a kiss against my chest, directly over my beating heart, just as I had done to her earlier. "I don't know what I did to deserve you, but I'm not going to question it."
"I only want you to be happy," I tell her honestly. *Your happiness is the only thing that matters to me, even if it meant letting you go, to be happy with someone else, I would,* I think to myself, but I don't utter them because, I selfishly don't want to put that thought out there.
"*You* make me happy," she says, pulling back for me to see the sincerity of her words written all over her face, "being here, with you, makes me happy." Reaching out, she twines our fingers together. As her fingers play with mine, her attention on them, she mutters, "I'm sorry that it took me so long to get back here."
"You're her now, that's all that matters," I tell her. Reaching out, I place my free hand beneath her chin, lifting her face towards mine as I lean down and capture her mouth in a kiss that I hope conveys the truth of my words.
"Come on." I tell her, breaking the kiss before we get caught up again, "The guys have been just as anxious to see you back as I have—well, maybe not quite as anxious as I have, but they've missed you too."
An hour later, we're down in the entertainment room, half empty pizza boxes littering the coffee table as the four of us guys take turns playing video games, while Aspen lays with her head in my lap, one earbud in her ear, as she listens to music and plays on her phone.
"Fuck yeah!" Linc shouts as he advances to the next level of the game that he and Dal are currently playing together. He presses the pause button on the controller and swipes another slice of pizza from the box, stuffing it in his mouth.
"You know what?" Aspen says, pressing pause on her music app, "This Casey Edgar guy, he's the lead singer of a band called *Flatland Revival*, by the way." she says, but then rolls her eyes, "Anyway, he totally has a kind of Jason Aldean vibe, don't you think?"
"I can see that," Dal says. Jax just nods, looking confused like he's trying to place who the artists are.
"He does, doesn't he?" Linc says around another mouthful of pizza.
His phone pings and he swipes it from the coffee table beneath the pizza box lid.
"How are things with Raleigh, Lincoln?" Aspen asks him as he reads the text.
At the mention of Raleigh's name, my gut sinks and I watch my brother as all color drains from his face, hearing him mutter "holy fucking shit!" under his breath.
"Linc, you okay man?" I ask, judging by the sick look on his face, he's most definitely not.
He shakes his head *no*, not removing his eyes from the screen of his phone.
"What's going on?" I ask, at the same time that Aspen stands up and goes over to him, squeezing in next to him in the chair.
"Hey, what is it?" She asks him, brushing her fingers through his hair.
If it were anyone but my brother, I'd probably be jealous, but their relationship truly is that of siblings and I can't help but be happy about the bond that they've managed to build.
"It's Raleigh..." he says, his voice sounding shaky, "th-they found her," he says, his voice filled with disbelief.
Aspen cocks her head at Linc, looking wholly confused before turning her confused gaze to me for andwers.
With a sigh, I motion for her to come with me and then lead her from the room.
we make it to the steps leading up to the stairs and take a seat at the bottom. Pulling her hand in mine, I hang my head, unable to look her in the eyes as I speak. "At the end of February, Raleigh was abducted. We have our suspicions on who did it but not enough evidence against them or she would have been found long before now. Linc's been a mess..." I say, my voice breaking, not being able to relate even a quarter to the amount of pain that he's been going through.
Aspen immediately bolts from the stairs back into the den, by the time I make it in there, Linc looks like his world just came crashing down around him, and Aspen has her arms around him, trying to hold him together.
"What happened?" I ask, looking around the room at the solemn expressions on my brothers faces.
"Raleigh's pregnant..." theres an uncomfortable silence following his declaration and I dont know how to take the news. Especially now after the loss of my own unborn child.
I cast a glance at Aspen, watching her closely, hoping that this type of news isnt going to hurt her after the loss that we, she suffered, but thankfully she's a rock because instead of breaking down, as I had feared, she pulls his shaking body into hers as she attempts to comfort him.
"Do you want to talk about it?" she asks him softly, but he doesn't answer, or even acknowledge that she's spoken. He looks dazed, and freaked the fuck out, and I can more than understand and relate to that feeling.
"Fuck!" he groans, suddenly pushing away from Aspen, as he begins pacing back and forth across the room.
"You know that it's okay to be scared. It's actually completely normal." Aspen says, coming up and stopping in front of him, letting him know that she's there for him but not forcing herself on him.
"Scared?" he says with a humorless laugh, "I'm fucking terrified."
"We're here for you bro." I tell him, stepping around the couch and coming to a stop at both of their sides. Placing my hand on his shoulder, I give it a reassuring squeeze, "You were there for me, now it's my turn to be there for you."
"I am so fucked!" He sighs, covering his face with his hands.
Jax clears his throat, and I glance at him. From the look on his face, I'm not going to like the next words that come out of his mouth, and neither is Linc. "Are you even sure that it's yours?"
"What the fuck?" Linc snaps, glaring across the room at Jax, while shaking his head back and forth in disbelief that he would actually say something like that.