Chapter Twenty Two
Lincoln
*My reason. What changed. It was you.*
Raleigh’s words have run through my mind on a near-constant loop since she said them yesterday, and although I’m beyond flattered, I can’t help but wonder if maybe her feelings are slightly misplaced.
Not that I think of myself as the type of guy whose sexual prowess causes women to lose their minds and become obsessed with me or some shit because I most definitely do not, but sexual intimacy, especially for someone as inexperienced as Raleigh is, can skew things and I want her to be sure, for both of our sakes, of exactly what she’s feeling before things go any further, or for anything physically to happen between us again.
Because of the uncertainty that rose up inside of me after she dropped that bomb when she asked if I thought it would be a good idea if maybe we head back, instead of skipping the whole day of school as originally planned, I quickly agreed.
“You okay?” Bos asks, pulling me from my thoughts as we make our way to the hospital to visit Aspen.
“Just thinking,” I tell him, not wanting to add to his already overloaded plate.
“Girl problems?” He asks and when I don’t respond he gives me a quick glance from behind the wheel before turning his attention back to the road, then asks, “Wanna talk about it?”
“Nah, it’s okay. You have your own problems to worry about.”
Heaving a heavy sigh, he swipes his hand down his face and in a sad voice says, “Hit me with it. I could actually really do with the distraction from my own life at the moment.”
It’s the pleading note in his voice that makes me decide to go ahead and talk about the shit that won’t stop running through my head.
I take a few moments to try to figure out what and exactly how much I should tell him.
“It’s Raleigh, or maybe it’s me…I’m not really even fucking sure at the moment,” I throw my head back against the headrest and close my eyes for a moment. Without opening them, I continue, “She told me that I’m her reason for living, and I may have freaked the fuck out just a little bit.”
“She said—you did what?” he asks, surprise lacing his tone. When I open my eyes, I find that it’s also lacing his features when I find him staring at me from the other side of the truck. “And a bit of context would help, bro.”
I nod, knowing that I’m gonna have to delve into a story that isn’t mine to tell, in order to get try to get some help with answers to a situation that I’m not sure how to handle.
“Raleigh and her parents were in a car accident when she was thirteen and only she made it out of the accident alive.”
“Shit,” he breathes out the single word as he shifts uncomfortably in his seat, his hands tightening on the steering wheel.
“She kind of lost herself after that,” I say, not delving deeper into what she told me about that time in her life.
“I’d imagine so. I think anyone in her shoes would have,” he shakes his head back and forth, as if unable to believe the pain she's been through. “Surviving something like that and then being left all alone to deal with it, fuck.”
“She still has her brothers,” I say, knowing that he will understand how important that piece of information is considering how close the four of us are.
“Thank Christ for that, but still. Shit, the poor girl,” he says, muttering the last part under his breath. “So, I’m assuming that she’d just been drifting through life, going through the motions. But then she meant you and suddenly, bam?” he asks, clapping his hands together when he says *bam*.
I kick my foot up on the dash and lean my elbow against my knee, my hand resting against my chin as my thumb and forefinger pinch my bottom lip. “That’s the gist of it, yeah. It’s a lot to put on one person.”
“I mean, yeah, it seems fast but I’m failing to see the problem. Trust me when I tell you that when you know, you just know,” he says with a serious expression and a shrug.
“You don’t get it though,” I say, throwing my head back once more and sighing in irritation, or maybe it’s frustration.
“Then explain it to me.”
“It’s just, she’s so fucking innocent and we’ve gotten pretty hot and heavy in a very short amount of time and I’m afraid…” I cut off with a shake of my head, knowing that I sound like a pansy at the moment.
“You’re afraid that what she’s feeling is misplaced because of your magical dick?” Bos asks as he punches me in the shoulder, trying to lighten the heaviness that’s filled the inside of the truck cab.
“Yeah—I mean, no. Kind of?” I say, the words coming out as more of a question than a statement. “I’m not saying that what she’s feeling isn’t real because fuck, the way I feel about her after such a short amount of time—” I say with a shake of my head, unable to put into words how deeply I already feel for her. “But, I’m afraid that we’re moving too fast after all that she’s been through.”
Bos stays silent but nods as he mulls over what I’ve just told him.
“What if she wakes up one day and realizes that what she thought she felt for me isn’t real? Like a rebound after a bad breakup, she just needed me to fill a void in order to help her heal from the hurt and emptiness that she’s been feeling for so long?”
“Fuck, that’s a lot man,” he says, agreeing with my original statement.
“That’s why I think I need to put the breaks on things a bit, slow things down a bit, and get to know her better on more than just a physical level.”
Neither of us says anything more as we pull into the parking lot of the hospital and find a spot. Putting the ignition in park, he rocks the key back and then leans back against the headrest. Turning his head in my direction, he asks, “And how do you think she’s going to handle that?”
I groan, having a feeling that she isn’t at all going to like taking a step back. It’s going to make her feel like I think what we’ve already done is a mistake. “I’ll have to figure out a way to explain it that makes it seem like I’m not slowing things down for her sake, but for us.”
He snorts, a huge smile covering his face as he says, “Good luck with that, bro,” and then opens up his door and jumps out, ready to see his own girl.
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