Chapter Fifty One

Aspen


I give myself the weekend to cry and mourn the loss of the man and relationship that I had just begin to accept, to want.

My phone rang and pinged with calls and messages basically nonstop on Saturday, to the point that by that night, I had to shut it off, not ready to talk to anyone just yet.

The burning, crushing ache in my chest began to grow, taking over my entire torso as I lay curled up into a ball, crying my eyes out, feeling even more empty than I had since waking up in the hospital with no memories of the past few months.

"Ahhh!" I cry, wrapping my arms around my abdomen as an excruciating pain radiates through my whole body. It lasts only moments before easing off, but as soon as my breathing begins to settle, the pain begins to radiate through me once more, causing a piercing scream to rip from my throat.

Once it recedes, I throw the comforter from my body and sit up, draping my legs over the side of the bed before placing my feet on to the plush white rug covering the hardwood floor.

Pushing up from the bed, I wobble, standing bent over and attempt to take a small step, before I even manage a full step towards the door, I fall down to the floor, the pain in my body becoming worse with each wave that hits.

"Mom!" I cry, unable to move from the fetal position on the floor next to my bed, my arms wrapped around my lower stomach. "Mom!" I scream again when I don't hear her footsteps or her voice calling back to me.

"Aspen?" she finally calls back, her voice distant but the sound of her footsteps tells me that she's coming closer, running. "What's wro—," Mom starts when she open my bedroom door, "Oh my God! Aspen!" She cries, covering her mouth with her hands, her eyes widened in fear.

Another round of searing pain causes me to clench my teeth, trying to curl even tighter into myself as I grunt and moan through the pain.

This must break her from her shock because she crashes to the floor next to me, her hands hovering above my body as if she's afraid to touch me.

"What's happening to me?" I force the words out, tears trailing down my cheeks as the pain lessons.

"We need to get you to the hospital," Mom says, standing up and reaching for me to try to help me up from my position on the floor.

"Mom!" I cry as we stand, "It hurts so bad!" I grit the words out from between clenched teeth, folding over and clutching my abdomen once more.

"I-I...I think that you’re having a miscarriage," She tells me as she glances towards my thighs, then to the rug on the floor, "you're bleeding...a lot."

I don't have time to process what she's saying before the pain takes over again, causing Mom to wrap her arm around my shoulders, her other hand grasping my left hand as she guides me from my room.

By the time we make it to the hospital, I'm panting in pain, blood pooling between my thighs in the front passenger seat. Mom stops in the Emergency entrance, then rushes from the car, quickly rounding the front end. She has my door open and is helping me get out a moment later.

We step through the entrance, feeling like I'm about to collapse as Mom calls out for help. Just as my legs start to give out, someone pushes a wheelchair up behind me, and begins guiding me into it.

"She's pregnant," I hear Mom tell someone in the Emergency Room, followed by, "I think she's miscarrying."

At that, we're rushed through a set of doors and then into a room where I'm placed on a bed just as another wave of excruciating pain takes over.

"How far along is she?" A female voice asks as she glances from my writhing form to my mom, a flurry of movement around us.

"Eleven weeks, I think." Mom replies, her response sounding unsure.

Half an hour later, I've got an IV in my arm, pumping pain medication into me, giving me some much needed relief as my body continues to reject the baby that had been growing inside of me. They put me in a room for the night, wanting to monitor me due to all of the blood loss that I've already suffered.

"Why did this happen?" I ask, confused about what I could have done to make me lose the baby.

"Sometimes these kinds of things just happen and there is no explanation for it," Mom tells me as she comes back to stand at my bedside, putting her phone back in her pocket.

"I did everything right..." I mutter, my eyes filling with tears at yet another loss that I've come to suffer.

"Oh honey, it's not because of something that you did or didn't do," Mom grasps ahold of the hand that doesn't have the IV in it, tears welling in her own eyes, "but stress can have a negative impact on a growing fetus, and you've been so stressed the past few weeks."

I begin crying harder, her words not helping in the least as I hear the door to my room open.

"Is this a bad time?" A familiar voice asks, causing me to look up, finding Collin and the four boys standing in the doorway behind him.

"No," I say, shaking my head, "What are they doing here?" I ask, turning my focus from them back to my mom.

"He still the one carrying insurance on you, honey. I had to let him know," she tells me, not taking her attention from the man at the door, a look of longing and confusion written all over her face.

"It doesn't matter if I carry her insurance or not," he says, pulling my attention back towards the doorway, "You need your family right now, and you *are* our family, both of you. That has not changed."

"I don't want him here," I say, shaking my head back and forth, then glare at the one that I know is Boston.

I would know which one was him even if there were a hundred look-a-likes in the room. I know everything about him, the good and the bad. It's the thought of the bad that makes me turn away from them once more, his voice causing me to go rigid as he pleads with me.

"Aspen, please," he begs, his voice breaking, "this is killing me. I just want to hold you, to help you through this."

"Help me?" I cackle humorlessly, "this is *your* fault!"

"My fault?" he chokes out, stunned.

"*You* broke me with what you did Friday night. And *this* is the result. *You* told me after my first concussion how much you loved me, but what you did, that's not how you treat someone that you love." I say, my voice completely void of emotion.

"I didn—," he starts but I cut him off.

"Save it. I have the pictures that tell me *everything*." I say numbly.

"So do I—" he starts, but Lincoln cuts him off. Coming into the room, he stops at my bedside and pulls me into a tight hug.

My whole body relaxes, not having realized just how badly I needed that hug, or how much I missed him and the rest of the jerks in the room. Even the one that broke my heart.

"He didn't," he whispers in my ear, "we're still working on getting proof, but he was drugged and taken advantage of," he tells me, shocking me, then not giving me the change to say anything, begins speaking again, "He got a blood test done. His drink was spiked with both GHB and Rohypnol."

I cover my mouth with both of my hands, my eyes going to the doorway, only to find that Boston is gone, doing as I had asked. I look back at Lincoln, his face full of sincerity as he watches me, my heart breaking for the man that I love.

My first thought is *so, he didn't cheat on me and that I owe him an apology*, but the second thought that enters my mind is the one that I end up voicing.

"Like Sabrina?" I ask, not really thinking until I see Lincoln's face morph to one of confusion, but he nods, and my stomach turns, "Oh my God!"

"Aspen, you remember Sabrina?" Boston's voice asks from behind the three guys still filling the doorway.

I nod, suddenly realizing that I remember *everything*, that there are no longer any gaps in my memory. I turn to all of the people in the room, unable to force a smile, but my spirits lifting at having my memories back.

"I do." I tell him, smiling sadly at the man that I love, without a shred of doubt in my heart, even with the hurt that we are both currently experiencing.

"Come here," I tell him, holding my hand out to him.

When he enters into the room, Lincoln stands up, but leans down and wraps his arms around me once more, "Glad to have you back, Sis." Lincoln tells me, then walks out of the room, joining his brothers that have also stepped out into the hallway.

"Ashlynn, can we talk?" Collin asks, watching my mom with a look of hurt and longing in his eyes. Mom glances over at me and Boston, who has now taken up the spot that Lincoln vacated at the end of the bed, silently asking if it's okay.

"I'll be fine. Go talk with him." I tell her, "I think we all have some important matters that we need to discuss."

"We will be right outside if you need anything." Collin says, nodding his head at Boston and I before closing the door behind Mom as she steps out.

"Aspen—" Boston starts at the same time that I say, "I'm so—," we both chuckle and he motions for me to go first.

"Boston, I'm sorry for accusing you of rape. I was out of line." I tell him, starting at the top of the list of things that I need to apologize for.

"Water under the bridge," he tells me, lacing my fingers with his, playing with them. "I'm so sorry about Friday ni—."

"No, I should be the one to apologize." I tell him, interrupting him. "I saw the pictures and took them for exactly how they looked, not questioning them or considering the fact that I should have known that you wouldn't do something like that to me."

"Those pictures were very convincing. Hell, they even had *me* convinced." He says, a sad chuckle falling past his lips.

"What do you mean? Don't you remember what happened?" I ask, confused.

"I don't remember anything after asking you if everything was okay," he tells me, tightening his hand around mine, his face pinches as though he's in pain," Aspen, Fuck! I'm *so* sorry that you’re going through this."

I don't know what to say, so I just stare at our hands, watching as he plays with my fingers. He pulls his hand from mine and moves towards me, wrapping his arms around me and pulling me in to his hard body, "Baby, I am so Goddamn sorry," he murmurs before placing a chaste kiss into my hair.

"Are we going to be okay?" he asks, pulling away and looking down at me with so much love and hurt that it makes me feel guilty for the words I'm going to say next.

"Boston," I say, sighing, and pulling away, putting some distance between us, "I need time."

"Aspen," his voice breaks as he says my name, tears filling his eyes, "I don't want to lose you. Not again."

"I'm not saying *Goodbye*, Boston." I tell him, watching as the first of several tears begin to fall down his cheek, my gut clenching, "it's just all been *so* much and I need to figure things out, figure myself out before I can be the person that you need me to be."

"You *are* the person that I need you to be." He tells me, pleading with me not to push him away.

"Please, don't make this harder than it already is." I tell him, my own eyes filling with tears, "please."

He nods, then steps back from the bed and then heads towards the door, "Goodbye, Aspen." he says, his voice coming out so broken that my heart completely shatters.

"I'm sorry," I whisper to him as the door closes behind me, knowing that taking time for myself is what I *need* to do, even if it is one of the hardest things that I've ever *had* to do.