Chapter Seventy Seven
Raleigh
With my fingers still twined with Lincoln’s, I give his hand a gentle squeeze and attempt a reassuring smile. He looks broken, and it guts me to know that there’s only so much I can do to help, like being here and supporting him.
Everything within me is urging me to do more, but what more is there to do?
*I’m doing everything that I can, aren’t I?*
*If it takes me showing him that I’m not going anywhere in whatever way that he may need, then that’s what I’m going to do,* I decide, not willing to let him feel alone right now.
I know that not even twenty-four hours ago I had been singing a completely different tune, but there’s nothing like almost losing the person that you love with every fiber of your being to put things into perspective for you.
And I do. I love him so much that at times it hurts to breathe, and I don’t know how I would ever survive without him.
The reality that I almost just found that out and that we possibly never could have worked through our differences, that I was holding him being scared and overwhelmed against him, it all just seems so petty and trivial now.
The doctor leaves and, what seems like only moments later, a nurse comes to take him to the Psych floor.
He looks both broken and terrified and I want nothing more than to stay by his side, clinging to him, but I know that in order for him to get better, that he has to do this. That he needs this.
“It will be okay,” I murmur, not releasing the hold I have on his hand. “And I’ll be right here waiting for you when your forty-eight hours are up, and you’re released. Okay?”
Then, leaning into him, I wrap my arms around him and pull him into an awkward hug, his hands still being bound to the bed and all, and murmur, “I’m not going anywhere, Baby. I love you.”
He nods his head where he has it tucked against my shoulder and I barely make out his whispered, “I don’t deserve you.”
“Come on,” the nurse says, grasping hold of my shoulder, but neither of us are ready to pull apart from each other just yet.
Even with just his one hand, he’s grasping hold of me so tightly, his entire body shaking, that tears fill my eyes.
My throat tightens as I hold back a sob, blinking repeatedly to keep my tears from falling.
His lips tickle my neck, and I can’t hold back a sniffle as he softly murmurs, “I love you so fucking much, Baby.”
When he pulls back, his cheeks are damp, and he refuses to meet my gaze. Reaching out, I cup his cheek, running the pad of my thumb over the chiseled curve, catching the wetness as I repeat, “And I love you, and I’ll be here waiting for you when you get out.”
The nurse takes him down the hall in the opposite direction while his brothers, Aspen and their Dad and I all move out into the hallway, watching until they turn a corner and are no longer within our sight.
As soon as we get to the waiting room, I find it flooded with people but four faces stick out amongst the crowd.
Rowen stands up, holding his arms out towards me and closing the distance, I completely lose the thin hold I had somehow managed to keep on my emotions while in front of Lincoln but seeing that my brothers and best friend are all here for me, for him and those walls crumble like paper in water.
“Shhhh,” he coos, wrapping one arm around my back while using the other to pull my head against his chest where he presses a tender kiss to the top of my head before resting his cheek there. “It will be okay.”
“It’s all my fault,” I murmur with a sniffle against his shirt, not caring in the least that I’m soaking that soft gray fabric.
“It’s really not, Monkey.”
Another set of arms wraps around my shoulders, squeezing me before pulling away and saying, “It's late and you need to get some rest.”
Without turning to look at Ryker, I shake my head no. “I’m not leaving. I promised him that I would be here when he got out. I’m not going to break that promise.”
Rowen leans back slightly and uses the hand that had started running through my hair to tilt my chin up to look up at him, “No, sis, I’m sorry but you have to go home and get some sleep.”
Beginning to get angry, I roll my eyes as I step back and point to the plastic chairs lining the wall. “I can just sleep in one of those. No big deal.”
“Ray!” Rowen growls, growing frustrated. “You can’t sleep in an uncomfortable plastic chair in the waiting room of the emergency department!”
“But I-“
“No, you need to listen!” Ryker says, stepping up next to Rowen. “Lincoln is here getting the help that he needs so that he can be the best man that he can be for you, right?” At my nod, he continues. “You need to do everything that you can do to be the best version of yourself that you can be for both him and those babies inside of you.”
Serenity steps up next to me, clasping her hand through mine and says, “You need to take better care of yourself, Ray. If not for you then for that man upstairs and for those little babies. And part of that is getting enough to eat *of the right kinds of foods* and going home and getting some much needed sleep. Not staying here and stressing yourself, you’re body or those babies anymore. It’s obvious that you are fucking exhausted, babes!”
My anger dissipates as tears fill my eyes once more as their words sink in and I realize that they’re right.
Part of doing right by Lincoln, is doing right by myself and that includes taking better care of both myself and the babies.
Turning to look at each one of them through teary eyes, I ask, “You swear that you will bring me back when it’s time for him to be released?”
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