Chapter One Hundred Four
Raleigh
The rest of the drive home is filled with the sound of whatever playlist Lincoln had on when he picked me up but he’s acting weird. It’s like he’s worried or hiding something.
I don’t like it.
No one bit.
My mind plays through different scenarios of what he could be hiding. Each one that runs through my mind makes me feel sicker than the last.
*Is there someone else that he’s started talking to?*
*Is he cheating on me because I’ve not been giving him what he needs?*
*Has he decided that this relationship between us is too much work and he’s planning his escape? Planning to leave me and the babies to figure things out all on our own?*
*God! I honestly hope it’s none of those things!* I think as my eyes begin to sting with impending tears.
Needing to prepare myself just in case, I pull my hand out of his grasp and crowd against the passenger door as those tears surface, pooling in my eyes.
*I should have known that it was too much to hope that he would wait for me to work my shit out, just like I did for him*
*Although, I’ve put him through so much shit and all he’s ever been is supportive.*
*I guess losing him is what I deserve.*
We pull into the driveway to our house, and I quickly open my door and climb out, making my way to the door as quickly as I can waddle. I pull the screen door open, then turn the handle to the front door.
Or, at least, I try to but for some reason the door is locked.
It’s never locked but then I guess no one was home, so it makes sense.
Lincoln comes up behind me, his arm coming around me to put the key in the lock.
“Oh, thanks,” I mumble, both loving his warmth as it surrounds me and dying inside at the thought of possibly never having it again.
I just barely manage to hold in a sob as he pushes the door open and signals for me to go inside first.
He follows behind me as we move inside and I make my way up the stairs. I move past the close door to the room he’s been staying in, confused when he keeps moving past it as well.
When I get close to the door that had been Rykers room, Lincoln moves close behind me, placing his hands on my shoulders as he leans forward and whispers, “wait here a second,” against my ear, his warm breath causing goosebumps to break out along my skin. “Close your eyes.”
I stay in place, my heart pounding in my chest as he slips past me, moving to the door in front of us where he stops and turns back toward me once more, “eyes closed, Baby,” he says, waiting for me to comply.
With my stomach in my throat, I close my eyes and listen as the door opens. A moment later, his rough hand finds mine, his fingers threading with my fingers and he gently tugs, indicating that he would like me to go with him.
“No peaking,” he states, his voice low and gravely as he leads us into the room. He moves behind me once more, hands resting on my shoulders as he leans forward, his warm breath causing hairs to tickle my cheek as he murmurs, “You can open your eyes now.”
I don’t know what I was expecting when I opened my eyes, but it certainly wasn’t the sight before me.
I turn in a circle, taking it all in.
The once white walls are now this steely gray color that would look too dark if it weren’t for all the white furniture with mint green, navy, gray and white accents throughout the room. Against the wall opposite the door is a white wooden crib with a mint green skirt, gray and navy patterned sheet and a crib blanket with all three colors making up a pattern.
Above the crib rests three pictures.
The first is navy with white arrows at the top and bottom and in the middle *Be brave Our little one. Be kind* is written.
The second picture has a mint background with three deer-a white buck, a gray doe, and a navy fawn.
Lastly, the third picture has the same layout and colors as the first but says, *You are our greatest adventure* between the arrows.
A changing table is set up to match the crib and décor, as well as a toybox, laundry hamper, white plush rug and a rocking chair nestled in the corner.
It’s breathtaking and as if pulled directly from a catalogue.
My eyes brimming with tears, I turn to Lincoln, completely at a loss for words. He holds up his index finger and reaches for my hand with his other hand.
“I’m not done. Close your eyes and follow me.” At this point, I don’t question it and immediately close my eyes.
He pulls me from the room, and we walk a few feet further down the hall before the sound of another door opening reaches my ears. He gently tugs on my hand, leading me a few feet before announcing, “Now open your eyes.”
This time when I open my eyes, a smile breaks out on my face.
The walls all remain white, save for one directly in front of me. That wall is painted baby pink and has a matching crib set up directly in the middle. This time, the crib skirt is white with dark blue and pink flowers all over it. The crib sheet is a dark blue color with pink flowers, and the crib blanket matches the skirt. Dark blue curtains cover the windows, and a white rocking chair sits in the corner.
It has all the same accessories as the other room, only these all match the crib bedding for this room, including three pictures hanging above the crib.
The first has a white background with a small dark blue flower and two large pink flowers to match the bedding.
The second picture has the same floral pattern framing the photo but, in the middle, it reads, *Let her sleep for when she wakes, she will move mountains* in a navy font.
The third picture is the opposite of the first, with two large dark blue flowers and a small pink one.
A white rug lays on the floor in front of the crib and a soft pink throw lying over the back of the rocking chair finishes off the look of the room.
This time I can’t hold back my tears as I look to Lincoln, “You did all of this?” I ask, unable to believe it.
“With some help,” he admits as he pulls me into his arms.
“I can’t… I thought… You’re not…” I can’t even string a sentence together correctly as what everything that I’d thought was him pulling away hits me. *this* is what he’s been *doing*.
Not someone else and not leaving me.
My tears and sobs come harder now as relief and guilt hit me simultaneously.
“Hey, if you don’t like it we can change it,” he reassures, cupping my cheek and looking me in the eyes.
I shake my head no and say, “It’s not that. I love it. I love them both.”
Confusion mars his features as he asks, “Then what’s wrong, Baby?”
I bury my face in his chest and admit, “I doubted you. I thought I was losing you.”
“Baby, look at me,” he says as he tilts my face up towards his. Then he says, “Never, Baby. I’m not going anywhere and I’m so fucking sorry that I made you feel that way.”
“We’re having one of each?” I ask, *that* fact finally hitting me. “A boy and a girl?”
With an ear-to-ear grin, Lincoln nods and says, “Yeah, Baby. We are.”
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