Chapter Eighty Eight

Raleigh

Jackson is behind me as we follow the rest of our classmates out of the classroom. As soon as we clear the door, he grasps ahold of my side, pulls me away from everyone else and pushes me against the wall, his large body pinning me in place. His hands trail down my arms before pulling them both above my head, grasping holding of them with one hand as he buries his free hand in my hair as he ducks his head to whisper into my ear, “Have you heard from Lincoln?”
To the outsider, it would look as though we’re having a very intimate moment, but this is the only way we’ve managed to get away with everyone thinking that he is Lincoln and my boyfriend, is by having Jackson play the part, which means in all areas. 
“No,” I whisper with a subtle shake of my head.
“Don’t give up on him. He’s doing the work. He goes to see his therapist every week, I don’t know what all they talk about but he has assured me that he is working through what you asked him to.” I want to ask is why he hasn’t reached out to me then but I don’t, because I told him that I needed him to be sure before he did.
Lifting my hand, I curl it into the hair at the base of his neck, needing him to redirect his attention so that I can speak without it looking like I’m talking to myself. Pulling back, Jackson lowers his forehead to my own. Looking into my eyes he gives me the chance to speak.
Nervous, I lick my lips and try to suppress a giggle when I see his attention drops lower for a moment before shifting back to my eyes. Instead, I just smirk which causes him to roll his eyes and hiss, “Shut it. What did you need to say?”
“I have a baby doctor appointment in a few days and I don’t know if I should tell him about it or not,” I search his eyes, trying to glean some kind of insight into where Lincoln’s head might be at but Jackson gives me nothing.
At least nothing that helps.
Face softening, he whispers, “Tell him. The babies are his. Let him decide where his head is at and if *he* wants to go or not, then if he decides to go, he’s not missing out on anything. But this way, *you* aren’t making that decision for him.”
Letting out a breath of relief, I subtly nod and move to wrap my arms around him in a hug, burying my face in his neck as I murmur, “This is so much harder than I thought it would be. It’s been over a month and I miss him so much.”
Jackson holds me tightly, one of his hands running through the hair at my back, as his head nods against my own and I hear him whisper, “I know. I’m sorry. I wish I could make it easier for you but I can’t.”
Suddenly, Jackson pulls away, grasps ahold of my hand and says, “Come on.”
I follow him, weaving through the remaining students in the hallway as we make our way down one hallway and then turn left and head down another, heading towards the doors that lead to the parking lot. 
As soon as we’re outside, we begin walking quickly toward the lot of cars, Jackson guiding me to where I assume he’s parked his truck. I try to suppress a giggle as we pick up our pace to just shy of running.
“Where are we going?” I ask, excitement clear in my voice.
But all he responds with is, “You’ll see,” as we find his truck. Unlocking it, he comes with me to the passenger side and opens the door, helping me up into the seat. As soon as I’m in, he shuts the door and then rounds the front and gets in the drivers side.
Once we’re both buckled in, he starts the truck and pulls from his spot, an excited grin on his face the entire time as he glances back and forth between me and the road.
“What?” I ask, excitement filling me as we pull out of the lot and onto the road that runs in front of the school.
“Nothing,” he says, laughter in his voice and he tries and fails to wipe the smile from his face. Shaking my head back and forth, I fold my arms over my chest and settle in for the ride, curiosity eating at me as to what he has up his sleeve.
After a few moments, I pull my phone from my pocket and pull up Lincoln’s contact, trying to figure out what I want to tell him. Finally, I decide  to just put it out there and let him decide what to do with it.

**Raleigh: Hi**
**Raleigh: Umm…so…I have a doctor's appointment on Thursday at 2:00 for the babies if you would like to go. No pressure or anything but I figured you deserved to know.**

Without waiting for a response, after attaching the address, I turn off my screen and lean my head against the window, closing my eyes and settling in for wherever we’re going.
I must have fallen asleep because Jackson wakes me up with a nudge to my shoulder, “Sorry to wake you but where here,” he says with a nod of his head before grabbing a bag of food, that I also apparently slept through him stopping to get, reaches behind us and grabs a bundle of something and then says, “ya coming?”
It takes a moment for me to get my wits about me but as I get out of the truck, I take in my surroundings and to say that I’m surprised is an understatement.
To be honest, I thought he was taking me to see his brother.
As I make my way over to where Jackson’s at, I find that he’s set up a little picnic by the lake with a blanket and all. “Did you plan this?” I ask, motioning with my arm to the spread before me.
“Definitely not,” he says with a stern shake of his head. “But when life gives you lemons, you make lemonade, you don’t leave them to rot.”
I take a seat next to him and he begins pulling out burgers, fries and drinks for the both of us. We don’t say much as we dive into our food, just enjoying watching the ducks as they glide across the water, a man and a little boy fishing together on the other side of the pond.
As I watch them I can help but wonder if Lincoln and our babies will get to have moments like that.
The vibrating of my phone draws my attention from the view across the pond, and as if he knew I had been thinking about him, the screen shows I have a text from Lincoln.

**Lincoln: Thank you for letting me know.**
**Lincoln: I miss you**

I stare at the second message unsure of how to respond. *Do I tell him that I miss him too? Do I just leave it alone? Do I ask if he’s figured anything out yet?*
“That him?” Jackson asks, interrupting my thoughts.
“Yeah,” I say with a nod, pulling my attention away from my screen to look over at the man before me. “He told me he misses me but I don’t know what to say. Or if I should even say anything at all.”
“What do you want to do?” Jackson asks, pinning me with a look that is so his brother heit’s not even funny.
Running a hand through my hair, I release a heavy sigh and shake my head back and forth in exasperation. “To not be in limbo anymore and to not want to cry at the drop of a hat because I'm so damn confused. I want to be with him so desperately but I’m terrified that he doesn’t want me and then there's the fact that as *we* get closer, I’m terrified that I’m projecting.”
Shifting, Jackson turns to look at me, his brow drawn in confusion, “What do you mean projecting?”
“This is so embarrassing…” I mumble under my breath, looking away.
Jackson places a finger beneath my chin, making me look at him once more.
His tone gentle, he murmurs, “Talk to me, Ray.”
Taking a deep breath, I look Jackson directly in the eyes as I confess, “I’m afraid that I’m starting to feel things for you that I shouldn’t be because you’re playing the part of my boyfriend. Lines are blurred and it’s just all so freaking confusing.”