Chapter Forty Nine

Aspen


**Boston: I miss you.**

I stare at his words, butterflies taking flight in the pit of my stomach at seeing them.

*I miss him, too.* I think, which is strange seeing as how I only have bits and pieces of our memories together. I've started remembering more as time as gone by, but nothing is concrete, as there are so many holes in my memory that I can only guess to how I once felt about the father of my child.

*But I think that I loved him, too.* I smile to myself, bringing the hand not holding my phone to my stomach, palming the flat plains of my lower abdomen, thinking about the life that we created that's growing inside of me.

**Aspen: What are you doing tonight?**

I hit send, instantly regretting not telling him that I missed him too, *but that would be just weird, right?*

His response comes quickly, and my stomach sinks when I read what he says, a bad feeling coming over me.

**Boston: Jax and Linc dragged me out to a party. 😑**
**Aspen: Oh.**
**Boston: everything okay?**
**Aspen: Honestly, I don't know. I have a bad feeling.**
**Aspen: But, if I'm being honest, I wish I were there with you. I miss you too.**

I stare at my screen, but he leaves me on unread and my mind races with different scenarios of what could be going on. Have I mentioned that I have a very active imagination? The feeling in the pit of my stomach grows, making me almost nauseous with the strength of it.

*Ugh!* I groan, feeling stupid, *he's a big boy. He's fine. I'm just feeling insecure because he's there and I'm here and I haven't seen him in weeks.*

Tossing my phone down on the bed next to me, I pick my kindle back up, picking back up where I left off with the book that I had been reading when his text first came through. After reading the same sentence over more times than I care to admit, I glance at my phone. Giving in, I illuminate the screen and find that there are no new messages and that feeling that's still there, gnawing away makes me do something that I will probably regret later, but I have to know that he's okay.

"Hello?" He answers on the third ring, my heart momentarily stopping at the sound of his voice, nearly inaudible from the loud music that can be heard through the phones speaker.

"Lincoln?" I ask, knowing that it's him that I called, but I forgot just how similar their voices are-practically identical, but of course they would be.

"Aspen?" he questions. I listen as I hear a door open and shut, the sounds of the party in the background quieting as he distances himself from the partygoers, "is everything okay?" He sounds worried, and I can't help the smile that momentarily graces my lips at his caring nature. *He really is like a brother.*

"Yes. No." Sighing, I throw myself back on my bed, my head hitting my pillow as I use my free hand to cover my eyes, "I don't know if I'm being honest."

"Talk to me, what's going on."

"Boston and I were texting, and he told me that he was at a party with you and Jackson. And I don't know, I just got this bad feeling." I tell him, already regretting calling him, because I'm just being insecure. "You know what, I'm just being insecure. Don't worry about it."

I pull the phone from my ear when I hear him shout through the speaker, "Aspen! Don't hang up!"

Putting it back to my ear, I laugh. But, it's not a laugh of humor, it's the kind of laugh that makes you think that a person has lost their mind, "It's probably nothing." I tell him.

"It's bothering you enough to make you call me, so talk to me. You know I'm always here for you." He tells me, and it warms my heart, because even though I don't remember much, I know that he means it when he says it.

"I just don't have a good feeling. And it keeps getting worse. I don't why, or what it's about, it's just there."

He's silent for a beat before speaking, "Okay... did he say something that would have prompted this feeling?"

"That's just it, he didn't. He just said that you guys were at a party. But then, he stopped texting me and I don't know. It's just unlike him to stop responding in the middle of a conversation." Sighing, tears fill my eyes, my throat becoming tight, " I'm probably just being vulnerable."

"You? Vulnerable? No way!" he chuckles.

"Hush!" I say, chuckling, "but seriously though," I sigh, hesitating before just spitting it out, knowing that I'm being foolish, "I told him that I missed him and wished that I was there with him, and he never responded."

"Aspen, listen okay, if you're feeling like this, I'll check it out."

"Thank you." I tell him, grateful that he still there for me.

"I said I would try," he says, but I can hear the laughter in his voice, "Listen, you are one of the most sure of yourself people that I have ever met." He's silent for a few moments, then as if a thought hits him, he blurts, "Why would you be feeling vulnerable?"

I chuckle silently to myself, "Why wouldn't I, Lincoln?" I ask, but without waiting for a response, I continue, "I'm pregnant with his child. I'm going to get as big as a whale. But it's more than that..." I mutter, trailing off.

"Okay, tell brother Linc what's going on? This isn't like you." He says suddenly going serious. I don't know the girl that he came to know, but if I was anything that how I know myself to be, then he's right, I've always been sure of myself, but I can't shake this feeling.

Releasing another sigh, I tell him what's really bothering me because it's more than just the bad feeling, "It's just that, he's there and I'm here. And he's freaking hot, ya know? Girls, I have no doubt want him and he has needs."

"Aspen," He says, sounding frustrated, although I don't know if it's because he knows something or if it's because of what I'm telling him, “He would never hurt you like that. He loves you."

"But you don't know that!" I protest, beginning to cry.

"I do." He says, "I do know that. That boy is head over heels in love with you."

"I think that I loved him too." I tell him, "I think that's why all of this hurts and is scaring me so much. Because...I don't know...I feel like I'm in limbo. I'm just stuck."

"You did love him," he tells me, his voice softening, "I don't know if you ever told him, but I know you did." I nod but know that he can't see me.

"I guess you haven't convinced your mom to come back yet?" he asks after a few silent moments.

"No," I tell him, adjusting myself on the bed, "she won't talk to me about it, but I think it really hurt her that Collin didn't tell her after Boston told her about us."

"Honestly, I see both sides." he says, sighing to himself, "Dad is so damn miserable since you guys left. To be honest, it's not the same with you guys gone. The whole house seems dull, lifeless."

"It was only a few months," I tell him, but his words do make me feel slightly better.

"It doesn't matter if it was a few months or twenty years, you two left your mark on us Jones boys, and we won't ever be the same because of it." He tells me, and I can hear the sincerity in his words.

"No matter what, I won't lose you, will I?" I ask, needing this connection more than I realized.

"I meant it when I said that I will always be here for you. No matter what."

"That means more to me that you could possibly imagine," I tell him honestly.

"Okay, I'll go check on your boy and check back." He tells me, "And Aspen, don't worry, everything will be okay."

His words make me smile, "Thank you, Lincoln."

"Always." The line disconnects and I lower my phone to my stomach.

A few seconds later, my phone vibrates with a message. Then another, and another.

I smile, excited about what Boston's response will be to my message, but the smile quickly falls from my face as I take in the images in the screen of my phone.

*Boston is sitting on a couch, people all around him and there is a blonde girl in his lap, but she's angled in a way that I can clearly see that she has her hand down his pants. His eyes are hooded, and he's staring at her with this look on his face that I can't describe, because it's not one that I've ever seen directed towards me, but it's clear as day as to what is going on...and it's also clear as day that he's not stopping her.*

Lincoln's words come back to me, *he would never hurt you like that. He loves you.* I laugh like a crazy person, cackling maniacally one minute and then sobbing into my pillow the next, my chest burning with an ache that seems befitting of the word, because it definitely feels as though my heart is breaking.

*Because he was wrong!*