Part B: Chapter 44

***Aidan's POV***

My wolf was in pain and I couldn’t breathe properly. Not having her around was driving me crazy and I knew it was all my fault that everything had turned out the way it had. I could no longer smell her around the place and my wolf was not happy being apart from the one person who could make us whole again.

“Calm down, I need to think,” I growled to an empty house. The voices were growing with each passing day that she was away. It felt much worse than when she had been kidnapped because then I knew I hadn’t messed up. But now, I was about to lose her with just a few words and I knew I wasn’t going to come out of it alive or sane for that matter.

“I know, shut up and let me think,” I shouted again, tossing the glasses to the floor and watching them smash and break into a thousand pieces. “This is all my fault but I don’t know how to fix it because I really hurt her.”

*“Then stop being such a weakling and let me out. I can fix it. All we have to do is mark her and truly make her ours.”*

“Shut up, we won’t do such a thing without her consent.” I tugged at my hair in frustration then tossed more stuff to the floor and watched it break and shatter. I was losing my mind.

*“You know it’s the only way we can have her with us forever. I need her.”*

“We can find another way. I won’t let you do that to her. She is the most valued thing I have in my life and I knew I screwed it but there was nothing I could do then.” To anyone else, this would look like I had suddenly become crazy with the way I was talking to myself but I was talking to him. I needed him to be on the same page as me and that meant fighting against him so he wouldn’t cause any trouble for me that I couldn’t resolve. “You need to listen to me, I’m the one in charge, not you.”

He growled, making my knees buckle causing me to fall onto the floor with one knee. *“You obey me, you are nothing without me. You do as I tell you, not the other way round. Do you understand me?”*

“I owe you nothing. I can always be a normal person but you will be nothing without me.”

*“Let me out and let’s see who wins.”*

I slowly got up, clutching my head with both hands to stop his annoying voice from getting to me even though it was pointless because he was in my head and I couldn’t get rid of him without suffering from major brain damage. I mauled over the idea, was I ready to give up everything for her? My sanity and my ability to think?

I made my way to the mini bar and grabbed a bottle of the hardest thing I had, thankfully Carter hadn’t taken everything and had left me something for coping otherwise I would be that much of a mess. I pulled the cork off and brought the bottle to my lips, letting out the disgusting liquid. I hated drinking because it never fixed anything, all it did was numb for a while and then bring everything back ten fold and it always reminded me of Gerald’s torment days.

“*Fuck*, I hate this so much.” I walked to my office and sat down, staring at my desk and the documents that lay there, waiting for me to look through them and approve or reject them. I placed the bottle on the desk and switched on my laptop, going through my emails and sighing at each one. I hadn’t been at the office much less done any work in days and everything was piling up but I just couldn’t bring myself to focus on that when my whole world was crumpling in front of me and all I was doing was watch.

I closed the laptop with a loud thud and got up angrily, making the chair fall over. I picked up the bottle and threw it against the adjacent wall, the contents spilled out as the bottle broke. I hated myself and how stupid I had become. A woman was making me feel crazy and that had never happened before. Usually, I was focussed on my work and nothing else but now I was drinking and making myself feel pathetic with so much unfinished work. I wouldn’t blame the board if they decided to vote me out as CEO but that didn’t mean I wasn’t going to go down without a fight.

“What’s wrong with you Aidan?” I asked out loud as I paced back and forth through the room.

“Carmichael, are you there?” I heard the familiar voice of Carter.

Moments later, he entered my office and Shelly entered after him.

“Goddess Aidan, what has gotten into you?” Shelly asked, looking from me to the smashed bottle. “This place looks pathetic and so do you. Get it together.”

I stared at her with furrowed eyebrows. “Why did you bring her here?” I asked Carter, slowly tilted my head to him. “Do you have a death wish?”

Carter raised his hands up in surrender. “Hey, I didn’t bring her, she followed me here and,” he said. “But that doesn’t mean she is wrong. This place looks like a pigsty. Get your shit together man, you are the CEO and Alpha, stop acting like some pathetic reject.”

I narrowed my eyes on him. “Get out, I’ve heard enough.” I turned my back to them.

“Aidan, please, just listen to us and get back to how things used to be,” Shelly said. “I don’t know what Jemila did but that shouldn’t turn you into this.”

“She didn’t do anything, I’m the one who *fucked* up.” The words left a bitter taste in my mouth. “You can both leave, I have other important things to do.”

“Clearly,” Carter said with snark in his voice. “I’m sure making a fool of yourself is well better than getting off your sorry arse and going to apologise and actually talking things over with the only woman who the Goddess created just for you.”

I turned around so fast that I almost got whiplash. “Don’t you ever say that, you know nothing. Not everything is that easy.”

“Then make me understand because from how everything ended that day, she gave you the choice yet you have been sitting on your arse wallowing like a bitter spoiled brat who isn’t happy with the outcome of something. Grow the hell up and just go and apologise for everyone’s sake.” Carter’s chest was heaving up and down and he looked pissed and about ready to punch me.

Sighing, I ran my fingers through my hair, more frustrated with myself than ever. “I don’t know if I can do it,” I finally said, the words sounding more true than anything I had said so far. “I know what I should do but I don’t think I can do it without messing up more than I already have.”

“What makes this girl so special anyway?” Shelly asked with an eye roll. “You can do better than her and it doesn’t matter if the Goddess made her for you, she doesn’t control your fate just as much as father doesn’t control your fate. Stop being so pathetic and just end it if it makes you both so miserable. What’s the point of going through all this if you both won’t be happy?”

I mauled her words over. I hated to admit it to myself but she had a point. I couldn’t keep doing this to her and making her suffer because of my own insecurities.