Fear

*Joseph*

This infuriating woman. I explicitly told her no, yet here she sits in the car beside me. Why wouldn't she listen to me? I looked over at her to see if I could sense how she was feeling. She looked determined. Not scared or nervous, but calm. If I was being honest with myself, seeing this side of her, this determination was sexy. I hadn't seen this side of her this time. At the same time, I was worried for her. She hadn't faced Ryan in well over a week. She has been safe and secluded on our little country island. This may be harder on her than she realizes. Since we were getting closer to the police department I leaned over to ask her quietly in her ear. "Are you sure about this darling, I can go in and you can stay in this SUV?" I watched the hair rise on her arms and knew my whisper had caused more than comfort. She looked at me and squinted her eyes at me. Thinking hard and taking a deep breath she leaned over and whispered back. "I am going to be fine Smoke, stop worrying about me." Her whisper was like lightning had struck completely through me. Goosebumps ran over my entire body. I could feel the growth in my pants. I shifted in my seat. She smiled at me knowingly biting her lip. This infuriating woman. I took a deep breath and let it out slowly. What was I going to do about this? I can't feel things. I don't feel things anymore. I don't have time for women. *You're lying to yourself Jo*

We pulled up in front of the police department and my stomach fell to the floor. How could I sit in this car and let this fragile woman walk inside? "I can't sit here and let you go inside." I didn't even mean to say it out loud. She looked at me and smiled. "Smoke, I am going to be okay. He can't get to me surrounded by these Hulk guys. If I can't do it, or if I become afraid, I promise I will walk right back out here." She gave me a reassuring smile. Jay looked at me for approval. I shook my head yes. He started to open the car door when Henry said to wait. I looked back following his line of sight. He was looking straight at Ryan. He was standing outside talking to that Laura woman from the news station. The anger that filled me was unmatched. I can't think of one person that I have ever wanted to beat to death more than I do him. KIlling Mason, mistreating those women at the hotels, and the way he has treated Sandra throughout their marriage. I wanted to jump out of the SUV and take him out right here. In daylight in front of the police department with all those cops. I started to grab the door handle but felt her grab my hand. " You can't, not here, not with all these people." I put my hand back down. Somehow the feeling of her hand on mine made me focus better. "Get me out of here before I kill this motherfucker and ruin everything." I knew I couldn't sit there much longer. We pulled off. "Why couldn't we take him the divorce papers?" She asked me being the only one who would question my order. "It wasn't the right time," I said a little more sharply than I meant to. I heard her deep sigh. I couldn't keep letting her do that. She would have to follow directions if she wanted this to be all of us together. "Sandra, there is a reason I am the leader of the brotherhood. No one questions my decisions. If you want us to work together. That's how this empire works." I smirked at her when I said empire. " So you are saying your empire clones aren't allowed to have their own opinions." She was being a smartass. "We are allowed to have opinions Sand, but we discuss them and Smoke makes the ultimate decision. Then we back his play." Zeus spoke up to defend me, I suppose.

She looked back and winked at Zeus. Then turned to me. "I have an idea I would like to discuss." I looked over at her. " Go ahead," I smirked. "Since I can't get my divorce right now can we get a good pizza." I heard everyone agree. I even caught Jay smirk. I looked over at her and suddenly felt warm. I didnt like it, I immediately sat up straighter and gained my composure. I can't feel anything. It's a weakness. It took me months to get back on track when we returned to New York in 2008. Mason had a hard time getting me focused. "I tried to tell you, Bro. I told you that women are a distraction. Let that chick go, we have worked too hard to let it all fall over some girl." I could hear Mason's voice as clearly as I did that day. I told them we could get pizza but we would come back to get this taken care of. I had to get her divorced so I could try to get her out of my life. I can't let her make me weak. I would make her safe and I would have to let her go. That should be revenge enough, right? If she can walk into his palace and take him off his throne. She can show the people around him that she was abused. That she didn't belong to him and was going to leave him alone. Is that not enough to empower her? Will that satisfy that hunger to bring him down? Then I can let her go. I cant give in to my wants, Or to my need of this woman. I glanced over towards her to see her smiling as she talked to the others. *You're lying to yourself Jo, You can't let her just walk away again*

I felt myself tense up at the thoughts. "Can we go inside and get the pizza?" I felt myself get angry but I couldn't quite figure out why. "No we aren't on a date Sandra. We are out for business. We will eat the fucking pizza in the vehicle as we drive back." She just stared at me frozen in place. I was instantly filled with guilt. I hadn't meant to be so mean. My mind was racing. Just overwhelmed with everything all at once. I have a horrible habit of getting angry instead of any other emotion. I had been so use to solving things with anger and intimidation. I could make a call then people would disappear and I didn't have to worry about it anymore. All I could think about was making her moan in my ear, making her explode in ecstacy while I was inside of her. I wanted to be inside of her. She was throwing my routine off, making me feel less in control. Before I knew it I was apologzing. "I'm sorry." I never apologized to anyone. She gave me a strange look. I reached for her hand and she flinched. Have I made her fear me? She is one person I never wanted to fear me. "I am sorry Sandra." Oh hell that was twice, what is wrong with me? She didn't look up at me. No one else was speaking. I looked to Zeus for a lifeline. He looked like he was at a loss. I even caught a glance of disapproval from Henry. I breathed in sharply. "After the pizza, we can go back to the PD and see if we can serve him the papers." No one responded, not even Mr. Coyan who was staring at his phone. Jay nodded so I knew he agreed. The pizza didn't take long. Jay brought it back into the car. Henry grabbed the box serving everyone some pizza I watched Sandra for a while. She was only picking at the toppings. I looked at Jay telling him to pull into the alley and park.

I put my hand up to signal I did not want to be followed. "Sandra, can I talk to you outside of the vehicle please?" She looked up at me looking for something in my eyes. "Please," I said softly. I opened the door before she could answer stepping out of the SUV snd reaching for her hand. She hesitated but finally put her hand in mine. I stared at her for a minute not sure how to start what I wanted to say. "Im sure Mr. Coyan might want to get this over with. He may have other things on his schedule today. " She said without looking at me. "I pay him well, better than anyone from his practice, he will sit in there all day if I asked him to," I smirked. She wasn't impressed. "I am sorry I snapped in the car Sand, I didn't." She cut me off. "Stop." She finally looked up at me. She placed her hand on the side of my cheek. "I know why you reacted. I know that this is all a lot. I know you're not used to vulnerabilities. Don't you think I see that? This past week has been a rollercoaster of emotions for me. I spent five years of my life in that marriage, trapped, in hell, pretending to be with the hero. Then this man with dark eyes who runs a massive crime ring became my savior. Him and his merry bunch of thieves. Now I remember those dark eyes use to be much brighter. Those blue eyes haunted me for a long time after I chose to stay in Ohio." She took a deep breath. I started to speak. She moved her hand from my cheek to my mouth. "Im not finished." She dropped her hand to my chest. "I left Ohio and all those memories behind. It worked. Have you ever been afraid Smoke? Fear is the only explanation as to why I couldn't see the first time I saw you. I have been stuck in survival mode for so long that I haven't even looked around me to see the world passing by. You can try to push me away. That's fine. I'm not going to make it easy on you. When this divorce is final, when I can fully appreciate whats in front of me." She stopped herself from finishing her sentence. I saw as she looked up at me with an intense stair before leaning up and whispering in my ear. "I just want you inside of me." she set me on fire, calmly turning around to climb back inside the vehicle.

I didn't know what to say to her. I just stared in amazement.This woman is gong to tame me, I dont think I can stop it. She just dropped me to my knees and doesnt even know it. . She smiled turning around to saying, "Lets go get me divorced boss."