Rage

*Ryan*

When Sandy came to the department she started so much trouble for me. Captain Monroe was so disappointed in me, I almost felt sorry for him. Good thing I don't feel things like that. Sometimes I wish I could. I wish I could understand more about it anymore. He told me no real man hits his wife. The stupid old man doesn't know the power it gives me to see the fear in her eyes. How hard it makes me to know a woman is submitting to me completely. I sat in the chair and listened to him trying to act ashamed and concerned. Then he told me I had to get a drug test with a full investigation into me, I couldn't pretend anymore. I jumped up and grabbed him. I knew this would end my career, end my freedom, and take away everything I enjoyed. I didn't even see the officers grabbing me all I could see was everything I had built crumbling down. How dare he take all of this away from me? Stupid Fuck. How could he just believe that stupid tramp? "Hold him in a cell until he calms down and escort him from the property" I heard him try to yell to the officers who had handcuffed and thrown me on the ground. I grinned at him knowing his throat would burn in the morning. I would have broken his neck if they hadn't grabbed me so fast. When they were walking me out of the conference room I looked for her. I knew she had to be still walking through the lobby with the attorney and all those goons. I could see the little traitor heading out the front door. I will find you, my sweet Sandy. I will remind you who you belong to, and we will leave New York. I will get that whole fucking brotherhood for taking you away from me. I will show that Smoke fucker who the king is. Who do you submit to? I had to calm down. I had to pretend I know what I have done is wrong. I have to act like I know I need help. I have to act like I want to get better. It's nothing new, my whole life I have been pretending. I remember being small forcing a smile when my mother gave me a kiss goodnight. I didn't want her to touch me. I remember feeling excitement instead of fear when my father would come home drunk and they would fight. I remember thinking she deserved it when he threw her across the room. What child thinks like that? I think that's when I knew I wasn't normal.

Eventually, they let me go until my investigation was complete. I was to come back for a meeting in a week. It took about a day to convince them. Once outside the door, they uncuffed me. Officer Haynes looked at me and put his hand on my shoulder. "Get some help bro." He had pity in his voice. It made me sick. I just nodded and started walking to my car. My car had been searched so all my stashes were gone. They also took my gun. They were going to search my house too so I couldn't go there either. I thought about going to Darrell. He would let me stay if I needed to. I pulled out my phone and sent him a text. I just started driving. I couldn't sit in that parking lot. I drove towards the city house we raided not long ago. They had already built fencing around it in as many days. They have guarded it like a fortress. I don't think they keep her there. I have had a man trying to infiltrate the brotherhood for some time. Smoke doesn't trust him from what he tells me. He only takes a handful of his crew to his other location anyway. No one can figure out where he is when he goes there. If I didn't want to rip his fucking head off I might be impressed with his tactics. I saw it in her eyes. When she said "Smoke" that she cares for him. He is probably screwing her. He thinks he can take what is mine. He is wrong. I finally hear my phone ring. "Hey bro, what happened? I heard you were in a holding cell. Did they find my stuff in your car? Dude, what are you going to do?" Darrell seemed worried. I resisted the urge to laugh at him. "They did. My wife is fucking Smoke I think. He sent his pet attorney to help her divorce me. I need a place to lay low until I can figure shit out. You got me covered or what?" It was vague but it was all I was willing to say at the moment. "Damn Bro, no shit, I was starting to believe that dude was a myth." He sounded impressed. I tried hard not to let my anger show. I didn't say anything back. "I'm sorry bro. I got you. I wouldn't come here though, the brotherhood has been crawling everywhere today, they just started coming in thick." All a part of his plan I'm sure. Trying to push me out. "I don't want them to see me yet," I replied.

Darrell gave me a time and place to be and told me I would be under the radar. I followed his instruction. I ditched my car in the lower south and got into a small dark green car. The driver looked to be one of Darrell's dealers from the north territory. The guy didn't speak, just started driving. I was surprised Darrell was smart enough to use someone from a different territory. I looked down at my phone when I noticed a message from him. "Big will take care of you bro, I sent you some supplies as well." I owe this guy. Before I take my woman and leave this god-forsaken state I will make sure he is taken care of. Mostly because I don't like to feel indebted to anyone. I had to admit what he was doing for me was respectable. I couldn't even bust him now. I thought about calling Sandy's phone. I wanted to see if she answered. Even better what if he answered? What if I could put a voice to the name? I have always had a theory that we have all seen him. We have seen him and just don't know it. If I could hear his voice, I may recognize it, I may have seen him before. I know he had her phone before. He was sending me messages with it. I doubt she will even answer my number. "Hey Big, is it? Could I use your phone?" He didn't say a word but reached it over the seat. I grabbed it and quickly dialed her number. "Hello?" It was her, not him that answered. I didn't speak. "Hello?" She repeated herself. "Oh sweet Sandy I can't wait to have my hands on you again," I growled remembering her telling me I would never touch her again. She didn't respond, I assumed she would hang up. "Ryan." was all she could say. "Where is he at Sandy, that dick you let inside of you?" I saw Big look at me in the rearview mirror. Probably out of curiosity due to who I was asking about. "He won't let you hurt me again Ryan, He will protect me." She sounded so confident. "We'll See little one, We will see." I hung up. It wasn't doing any good. He wasn't going to allow me to hear him. That tells me one thing, that I do know him.

I deleted the number and reached Big his phone back. I leaned back in the seat and closed my eyes. I was pretty satisfied with myself after calling her. I know I took some of that hope he gave her away. I heard her hesitate. "Big, my friend, How long til we arrive at this super secret location?" He remained stone-faced as he looked ahead of him. "That is the exact amount of time I need for a nap." I laid my head back on the seat eventually falling asleep. When I woke up all I could see was a bunch of trees surrounding a small building. Some kind of warehouse. I got out of the car when Big opened the door. "What a gentleman," I smirked. He just huffed at me and started walking toward the building. "You will stay here for a while until we can get you somewhere further away. If you leave that is on you. If you touch any of the drugs in this building I will cut off your fucking hands." He was so angry. I chuckled at him, "I get the feeling you don't like me very much, friend?" He just glared back at my statement. When we walked inside I could see rows of powder, ice, and large crates. They were selling meth out of here. "Holy shit dude, since when does the brotherhood mess with this damage?" he didn't respond to me. He opened a side door stepping aside so I could walk through. A small room about the size of a jail cell with a cot and a bucket. "If you use the bucket you fucking clean it." He looked around the room as he spoke. "I will cut your fucking hands off." He reiterated, probably seeing me glance at the drugs through the door. "I won't touch them, man, chill, I won't be here long anyway." He rolled his eyes at me, pointed at the cameras to tell me he could see me, and then turned walking out of the room. I sat down on the cot putting my head in my hands.

"I am not staying here," I said out loud to no one then started to plan my next steps.