Healing

*Sandra*

I laid in bed feeling rested. I tried not to listen to their session of revenge with Ryan, but part of me wanted to hear him hurt. The darkest part of me. He had tormented me, tried to assault me, and left me more bruised than I was before. He deserved to feel that pain. He deserved more than that. Before I could stop my mouth the words came out. I told him I loved him, but what I said next shocked even me. "I want to be the one to kill him." It came out without even a thought. Joseph and the others didn't respond to me. There was an awkward silence until Joseph said he would see me soon. I had never killed anyone. There were times before they took me that I thought about drugging him. I wasn't planning on tieing him to the bed and burning the house down like in that one-lifetime movie I watched years ago when I was home sick from school. I just wanted to put him to sleep, long enough that I could leave and never come back. I was always afraid to. I was afraid he would find me, and he did. I could feel my chest tightening, my heart started to speed up. I had to remove these thoughts from my head. I slowly got up off the bed and went to find clothes. Like always, There was an outfit laying on the counter for me. "Is Miss J here?" I asked seemingly no one, somehow forgetting they could hear me. I heard Joseph say yes and I smiled. Henry started talking next telling me she usually follows them where they stay. That she had packed bags for all of us bringing them up before they even found me. "I am in love with that woman." I heard them laugh. Zeus tuning in to say he has felt the same way for years. It got quiet again and I heard a voice ask if I would need anything while they were gone for their meeting at 4:00. I heard Joseph turn on his boss mode instantly turning me on. What once intimidated me now just made me want to feel him. "You better listen to these words Ark, My Sunshine is perfectly okay in that room, She is resting and healing. If I hear anyone even comes near that door I will handle the punishment myself." I smiled listening to my protector in my ear. I felt myself getting excited at his tone. If I wasn't in so much pain when I moved I would run down and throw my arms around him. I looked into the mirror and realized I looked like one of those women in the domestic violence awareness commercial. The ones that made you feel sadness and pity. I felt physically ill.

It took me a solid ten minutes to get my clothes changed, and probably another five to brush my hair and teeth. I heard the door open and I froze. "Sunshine, it's just us, your safe." I heard him faintly willing myself to see his face. I closed my eyes as tight as I could and opened them quickly. He was looking at me eyes wide and worried. I felt tears start to come out. "I'm sorry Smoke, You guys startled me." He gently wrapped his big arms around me and whispered in my ear, "Don't ever apologize to me, darling." I looked up at him forcing a smile. "We will find a way not to sneak up on you." I heard Zeus in the distance. Joseph released me and I turned to look at him. "Thank you Z." I held out my hand to him. He reached for it and kissed it. I noticed him looking at Joseph and he nodded discreetly, permitting him. "Hey Henry, When are we going to make something to eat Im hungry?" He looked at me slightly frowning. He told me that the man who runs the north territory, "Ark?" I asked, He nodded continuing to tell me he had hired cooks not allowing him to cook in the kitchen here. "That's shit!" I looked at Smoke. He shrugged telling me he makes rules for the brotherhood, the way they run things, but not who cooks them food. I looked at him and smirked, knowing my meanness was showing. "I won't eat anything unless my chef makes it for me." He licked his lips and smiled down at me, "Well I guess the goddess has spoken." He grabbed my chin softly and kissed me. Henry was grinning at me. I winked at him. They told me they would be going to meet Luca shortly but I could call them if I needed them. They planned to leave Jay behind to stay by my door. I felt my brow furrow, literally felt it due to the bruises. "Two is your best guard. This Luca guy sounds like a really hard ass. He is better with you boss, I will be safely locked here in the ivory tower." I laughed adding, " Well Ivory Tower ajacent." Joseph wasn't pleased with my answer but accepted not wanting to upset me. I grinned at him promising to not leave the room while they were gone. Joseph asked for a few minutes alone with me and Henry went to get me something to eat, I asked for soup. My stomach wasn't handling sandwich well. When they left he took the comm out of his ear and then mine. he held them between his thumb and forefinger. I watched as the little light flashed when they went off.

"How are you feeling today for real Sunshine?" He sat on the bed and patted beside him. "I feel like someone ran over me and then backed up again for good measure." I shrugged sitting down beside him. He placed his hand softly on the side of my head, "I mean in here beautiful." I leaned my head into his hand. "About the same boss." He put his other hand on the other side of my head and kissed me hard, somehow without hurting my puffy lip. He pulled away looking into my eyes. He was looking for something in them. "What is it Smoke"? He let go of my head looking away. "You told me you loved me my Sunshine." He looked down to the floor. I leaned up into his ear and whispered, I knew it would sound better with the correct name, "I do love you, Joseph." He turned looking at me and the flame was again showing in his eyes. "I love you, Sandra." He whispered back. I thought he was going to devour me, but he didn't. He just continued to stare at me."You deserve to be loved Smoke, I know you don't think so but you do." I looked up at his eyes seeing him still searching, thinking hard about something. "There is something more, What is it?" This time I put my hand on his face. "I don't want to waste this little time we have discussing business beautiful," He said with a smile. He seemed to have shaken off whatever was bothering him. "How sore are you my goddess?" he smirked at me looking me up and down. "Never that sore boss." I winked. He told me to lay back and slowly removed my pants. "I worked forever to get those on," I giggled as he slowly pulled my pants and underwear off. "I won't remove the shirt darling but I must remove these to satisfy." He scooted me to the edge gently bringing my wetness directly to him. He looked down at me and smiled, "You my beautiful Sunshine have a choice to make, Sadly I don't have time to take my time here, I have to make it to that meeting soon, so I can use my mouth, or slide inside of you darling. The choice is yours." I leaned up and smiled at him reaching for his belt buckle. "Lay back and relax goddess." He made quick work of the buckle, button, and zipper. He looked into my eyes as he slid inside of me taking all of my pain away.

He helped me put my pants back on and laid me on the pillows. I smiled up at him. I had taken this strong vicious man and turned him into a sweet compassionate caretaker. He ran his hand down my cheek brushing my hair back away from my face. Sitting down on the edge of the bed he continued to run his fingers through my hair. I felt my eyes getting heavy as I strained to keep looking up at him. The line of his jaw relaxed as if running his hand through my hair was soothing him more than it was me. I closed my eyes with a genuine smile splattered across my face. I dont know what it is about the brotherhood, about the other guys, or about this strong hand caressing me, but it felt like peace, like home. I wouldn't want to be anywhere else. I wouldn't want any other man to touch me. I am not blind, I know all of these men cannot be trusted in this company if that's what you can call it. I know there are men around here that Joseph doesn't even trust, but something about this world made me feel more protected than I had in a long time. I know my dad would be happy to know I was happy and safe. He would tell me You cant help where your heart lands. He would give Joseph some kind of speech about being bigger not meaning he was tougher. He would tell him the bigger they are the harder they fall. I continued to picture this meeting between my dad and Joseph as I started to doze off. I faintly heard someone tell Joseph it was time to leave for his meeting, felt him gently tuck the blankets around me, and walk out of the room. The last thing I can remember hearing is a guard telling someone he wouldn't let anyone near my room, then I was asleep.