Rolling Blackouts

*Joseph*

I was having a hard time keeping my eyes open. I was lucky to be breathing, I knew that. It was hard to fight the pain, the medications, the exhaustion, but I tried to look at her. She lightened the room, the day, and my mood. She took the pain away. I can never see that fear and dread in her eyes again. I have to be smarter, and more cautious. She will never hurt like that again because of me. That is why I have the men I have around me. Can I just send them into the battle without going beside them? A good leader leads, he doesn't sit and watch as his men do all the work. My eyelids were heavy. The others left the room leaving only me and Sandra behind. "Hey beautiful," I said feeling the burn in my throat as I tried to speak. "Rest Smoke. Doc says you need to sleep and heal." I looked at the clock realizing I had been asleep for another hour. I don't do this. I don't "rest". I tried to sit up and she placed her hand on my shoulder, "Rest." I smirked at her knowing she was enjoying bossing me around. "I won't always be in this hospital bed darling," I said quietly. Her eyes got wide and her breathing increased. "I know that boss." I nodded at her and laid back down. "So, Henry and Takara headed to the safe house. He said he wanted to let her rest and recuperate as well. Jay says he is not leaving. I sent Zeus to the city house to get Tan, and they are headed to the safe house as well." She smiled obviously proud that she was handling everything. I was proud too, watching her show the strength I always knew she possessed. When the nurse came in to check my bandages, she stood close by. She was claiming me, in her way. Asking questions, and talking like my first of kin. It was different. The last time I was in this predicament, I was mostly alone. The nurse pushed something through my i.v. and everything went dark.

I could hear her voice before I could even force my eyes to face the lights. "He needs to rest Zeus, cant you handle this shit for now." She was irritated. I tried to open my eyes, but the fluorescent lights burned like fire. "What's wrong?" I said harshly through a dry throat. "Smoke, you need to be sleeping!" Sandra said reaching for my ice water from the bedside table. The drinks felt cold, and soothing going down my throat, I almost forgot to listen to the conversation. "I can't sleep darling. You know I don't rest well, and if they need something. I have to do my job." I reached for her hand and she walked to me sitting on the bed. "Fine!" She said dramatically rolling her eyes. I chuckled, holding my side, trying to hide the excruciating pain. "What's Up Z?" He looked down at me in a way that told me this was serious. "The peak crew." He said shaking his head and plopping down in a chair, clearly frustrated. I had meant to talk to whoever took charge after Luca. I knew I would kill him, I didn't know he would get some in on me. I lay on the floor bleeding while they took his life. It was brutal. They were enraged. I lay there bleeding, wondering if I would live to see her face again. If she would hate me, hold it against me, this reckless plan. As she sat there beside me on the bed all I could think about was how lucky I was she was sitting there. "Retaliation?" I said feeling the tension in my jaw grow from my gritted teeth. "Not yet boss, but I believe it's coming. They are asking for Jay's head, and mine." He paused closing his eyes briefly, "They are offering a good amount of money for our deaths." I looked at him in shock at what he was saying. "Why would it be you and Jay?" I asked trying to sit up more getting another disapproving look from the Queen. "They know who killed him." He said putting his head down. We had all killed our share of enemies, most of whom were monsters, and some were more vendettas. I know how real that need is. The feeling of defending your family, of protecting them. You will do what it takes, but Luca was a monster. He needed to be put down. "Try to get in contact with the new head guy in the crew, I will talk to him as soon as you do. Get me one of the burners and give him that number. I will try to take control of this from the inside. Try to settle it before any other men die." Zeus shook his head and walked out of the room.

Sandra was looking at me with her head slightly tilted which told me she was concentrating hard on something. "What's up, darling?" I asked her pulling her down to kiss her softly. "You amaze me is all." She smiled at me sweetly. "Nothing amazing about me baby." I dont know what she sees in me, underneath all this darkness, but I find myself wishing I could see it. She glared down at me not amused my by words. "Smoke, you died twice last night. I watched you stop breathing. I heard them say it. I thought you were gone. Now you are laying here with bandages all over you, in what I assume is excruciating pain, but you still protect your brothers. You still worry about me. It is like you are always thinking 10 steps ahead. You amaze me." She leaned down and kissed me passionately being careful not to put any pressure on my torso. I considered trying to take her, feeling the need to be inside her, but I knew physically that was impossible. I took a deep sharp breath. "Listen, you can't kiss me that way right now my beautiful sex goddess." she giggled. Standing from the bed I noticed she was unsteady and had to catch herself with the bedside table. She was drained. I told her I wanted her to go to the country house for a few days and rest, but she looked at me like I was the killer in a horror movie. "I am not leaving you Smoke." I shook my head and closed my eyes. "Sunshine, I love you, but you are going to go rest, if I have to have Jay carry you to the city house and lock you in our room there." She glared at me for about three minutes before relaxing and nodding her head yes. "I want Zeus to stay here with you then. I want him to make sure you are okay, and send me any updates." She said pointing her little finger at me like she was scolding me for getting a bad grade. I nodded at her slightly amused by her demanding stature. "I am not being funny," she said crossing her arms and causing me to bust out in laughter, and then moan in pain. Hearing me from the hall the nurse came in and flashed a dirty look at Sandra before walking over to me to check me again. When she was close enough to me I spoke up, "If you look at my queen that way again, I will talk to the doctor. I will pay him to find a new nurse." Her eyes grew wide and her jaw got tight. "Yes, sir". She told me she would be giving me a dose of pain meds, and I nodded thanking her. I watched Sandra as I drifted back to sleep.

I heard the gunshot and Henry yelling, "No! Fuck! Brother, are you okay?" I couldn't see him. Everything was dark. I could hear Sandra crying, begging me to come back, begging me to stay with her. I reached for her but I couldn't feel anything. "Sandra? Where are you? Im coming" I tried to cry out but all I could do was choke on blood. I am going to die, I am never going to see her again. My brothers are going to be alone. Everything was dark and cold. "Smoke! Wake up, bro! SMOKE!" I could hear Zeus yelling for me, but I couldn't open my eyes. I couldn't move at all. "SMOKE!" Suddenly I had a jolt of horrible pain in my side, and the lights were blinding me. "You okay boss, I think you were having a nightmare?" Henry was sitting on my bed with his hands on my shoulders. I could feel my heart beating in my head. I nodded slowly and he stood up backing away from the bed. "Where is she?" I said still a little confused from the dream. Henry told me she was still at the city house, The last time Jay messaged he said she was sleeping. "I made her a crepe, her favorite. She ate it and went to shower. Jay said she passed out right after. She hadn't slept in 48 hours boss. She refused to leave your side." I had been asleep for almost 8 hours. She stayed after the pain meds until Jay forced her to go home. "She is fine though Smoke." Zeus was standing behind Henry, clearly shaken. "I am okay dude, I had a nightmare. Almost dying affects your brain." I said trying to blow it off, even though I was still shaking myself. "Here is the phone boss, I got ahold of one of the members. He was young and terrified. His name was Matteo. He said the new boss's name was Santino, and he came from another state. I think the Peak crew is bigger than we realized." Zeus said reaching me a small prepaid cell phone. I pressed the only contact he had added, Santino. It rang about 4 times and I almost hung up before hearing, "Ciao, fumo assassin!"

I looked up at Zeus and Henry, muting the phone. "He just called me a murderer."