54

POV – Kai-Lea
After getting everyone shifted back and the packhouse and other surrounding houses cleaned up from the intense shifting that was forced because of me, made me angry at myself. I haven’t been awake all that long and here I was causing more trouble for pack yet again. That I knew my bond with Kallen and Stuart was weakened, felt as if it was all but broken completely. I thought with us finally mating and marking each other that I wouldn’t be as much of an issue as it is.
Discovering I’d been wrong about that, had me worried about what else I was wrong about. ‘Asena, how do we fix this?’
‘Spend time with them.’ she said, feeling the weakened bond.
‘I can’t force this issue on them.’ I told her.
‘Why is our bond so weak like this? I mean wasn’t mating and marking them supposed to permanently connect the three of us.’
‘It did. But what they went through while we were out and what just happened, they aren’t feeling connecting to us. Spend time with them.’ she said pushing that I just spend with them again.
‘It isn’t going to be that simple.’
‘It can be. You humans always over think things. Sometimes, us animals within may actually know more about fixing a bond than you do. We cannot let what know could happen actually happen. I mean Millus and Milton would be dangerous if they were allowed to accomplish what they are wanting to.’
‘THAT WILL NOT HAPPEN.’
‘Then talk to them.’
‘Fine. But if it was a simple as spending time with them to fix the bond I’d have thought we’d spent quite a bit of time with each other.’
‘Apparently not enough.’
‘Why are you so grouchy?’
‘I’m an animal it’s in my nature to problematic. What’s your problem?’ she asked. I just shoved her into the back of my mind, if the only advise I was going get from her was that I needed to spend more with mates then she wasn’t going to be as much help as I’d hoped. Asking either of my other two souls would mean that they were awake enough to do more than grunt and fall back to sleep.
“Kai-Lea can we talk?” Kallen asked with Stuart looking like I’d stop breathing on him. And hell, I knew there was a chance I had in panic state last night.
“Sure. But I didn’t die, like the attack from Milton. So, why do I feel like you are becoming more and more distant from me. Did I do something to push you away? How do we fix this?”
“We were getting to ask you the same thing. While we are happy that you are awake and unharmed, we feel the bond getting weaker. At first we thought it was because of what Milton had been allowed to do. But then you panicked, and we saw that everything they ever did to you. And think that is why you’re pulling away. Because we now know everything that you have ever gone through.” Stuart said.
He and Kallen were as upset by our bond breaking as I was. It was clear that if we didn’t find away to fix this and soon then we were never going to be what we needed to be for us to take on our titles. And made worried me, because then they’d have a reason to blame me. And that hurt.
“My wolf says that we just need to spend time with each other more. But I can’t shake the feeling that its more than that. That we aren’t able to fix it by just spending time with each other.” I told them.
“We agree. We… I feel that it has to do with how we showed how we have such a huge inability to protect you. That we’d let Milton get close enough to almost kill you.” Stuart started… he was trying his best to not think about that moment.
“I know I died. But was I… did it happen in your arms?”
“I couldn’t get to you in time. Kai-Lea, I… hearing your heart stop. It’s caused something in me. Something I can’t seem to move past. I know I mated and marked you. And I can’t say that I wouldn’t want to do that again, but I doubt that it will be helpful. That it will change ultimately how I feel. How… I check your heartbeat just to make sure that you are alive this isn’t some fucked up fantasy of mine. You don’t know the pain… the confusion that I am in since holding you, hearing your heart stop. Kai-Lea. I understand that you’ve been through pain. That you know pain like no one else could. But Kallen and I now have our own pain. And can’t speak for him. But for me, I’m struggling hard to distance myself. To move past the pain, the fear that you aren’t alive.”
I reached for Stuart, but he pulled away, his eyes dark, pained. Kallen stood behind him, his jaw tight, arms crossed as though he were holding himself together. The distance between us was physical now, not just emotional.
“I don’t want to lose you,” I whispered, my voice barely audible. “I need you both. We’re supposed to be stronger together.”
Kallen stepped forward, his voice rough. “Stronger? Kai, how can we protect you when we couldn’t even stop Milton from...” His voice broke, and he looked away, unable to finish the sentence. “I’ve been replaying it in my head, over and over. I watched you die, and I couldn’t do a damn thing.”
The weight of their guilt pressed against me, suffocating. I had felt this pain before, but seeing it mirrored in my mates’ eyes was unbearable.
“There has to be something more we can do to fix this. Right?”