Chapter 49

Lilly

I can’t believe Tank bought us a house. Not only that but he customized it so I could get around with little help and gave me a studio. He swears he is a rough gruff biker and don’t get me wrong he is when he has to be. But with me he is the sweetest teddy bear ever. And I am more than grateful to have him in my life. Yes we had a rocky start but we are working past that now.

After the tour of the house Tank surprised me again by having Goof bring us both dinner before he left us. While we were having dinner I decided now would be a good time to talk to Tank. Before I lost my nerve anyway. Merigold said I needed to communicate my needs with Tank so that is what I’m going to do. Nerves be damned. “ Nick. There is something I wanted to talk to you about. I know that we will be having sex soon. At least I hope soon. And I was wondering if I should mabey get on some kind of birth control. See we have never discussed having kids. I don’t know if you want to have kids with me. And I didn’t know if you wanted to use condoms with me. And Merigold says they don’t always work anyways.And she said she would help me find a doctor.” Yes, I am rambling big time. I’m sure my face is as red as a tomato.

“ Lilly, sweet heart. Slow down and breathe.” Tank says. I know it is confusing when I go back and forth between Nick and Tank. I mainly use Tank when we are at the club or with other brothers. I use Nick when it is just us. It makes me feel special to be able to use it. But I take his advice and take a few deep breaths. “ You are right. We have never talked about having kids. Until recently it hasn’t even crossed my mind. The truth is I would love to have kids with you, Lilly. But I want to know how you feel about it.” he informs me.

Good, he wants to have kids with me. I like that idea. But now I need to tell him my worries and fears. “ I have always wanted kids. And I swear I can picture having them with you. But I’m also scared. There is so much going on right now. With the stalker and I’m still adjusting to losing my vision. I’m sure with some work and practice my vision won’t be a problem when it comes to raising kids. Especially with help. And we have just got together. I’m sure we have things to navigate as a new couple. I’m not saying I never want to have kids. I just don’t think I’m ready right now. Maybe in a few months. I’m sorry.” I’m not sure what I am apologizing for but part of me feels the need to say it.

“ Lilly never apologize for how you feel. I have to admit that there is part of me that agrees. We just got together and I want to be selfish and want to have you all to myself for a while. And you are right there is a lot going on right now. It is not the best time to have kids. I’m good with that. There is the other part of me that can’t wait to have a family with you. A big family preferably. But I will leave that choice up to you. If you want to wait then we wait. I’ll support you in any decision you make.”

“ Thank you, Nick. I think I would like to wait just a little while to have kids with you. I would like to enjoy just being us for now. Maybe revisit this discussion in a few months.” “ Having you all to myself for a few months. I can live with that. When you are ready I promise I will work hard to give those kids you want. If I have to slack on some duties at the club. Or the tattoo shop. It will be hard but I will be at your service.” I laugh at his antics.