Second Thoughts

STAR'S POV:

When Conri and I got back home from the woods we had to shower. We are a filthy mess from being out in the woods and in the rain. While Conri is in the shower, I'm sitting here waiting for him to finish and I'm having second thoughts about working the night shift. I start the night shift tonight and I'm not so sure I want to be away from him.

I had a feeling this was going to happen, I knew I would have these thoughts and now I cannot change my mind. I don't know what it is, but I'm having weird feelings about this. Maybe it's just me because I'm nervous about working these hours. I don't know! The thought of asking Conri to hang out at the hospital runs through my mind a few times, but I know that's not possible. It wouldn't be good on him and I'm sure Ben would get mad, so that's out of the question.

Maybe I can have Conri just come to check on me, I could just tell him that I want him to come and have luch with me! If I ask him to do that, maybe I won't get introuble by Ben. I'm not sure why I'm thinking this way because there are going to be other employees there, it's not like I'm going to be there by myself.

UGH. I'm just going to shower and clear my head. This is ridiculous that I'm having second thoughts, there is no reason I should be afraid, I'm a wolf and I can take care of myself. I'm strong, I'm fast enough that no one could catch me if I ran from them. I'm not even going to get myself in an uproar over this! I don't even want Conri to know I'm having second thoughts about this because then he will think I'm not ready to be in his pack yet and I don't want that.

As soon as Conri came out of the shower, I hurried and got mine. I couldn't stand being soaking wet and muddy anymore. I stayed in the shower for almost a half hour. I had the hot water beating down on my body, the little bit of mud rinsed off and fell to the shower floor. The hot water is somehow making me relaxed, those second thoughts are slowly diminishing and thankfully they are, I do not want Conri to find out that I'm scared to work late nights. He will tell me to quit or something like that.

After I finished with my shower, I put on comfy clothes and sat with Conri. I did not make it known that I was having second thoughts while we talked. I want to talk to him as much as I can befoe I lay down and sleep before I leave for work, and I know he will be out in the reserve training most of the day.

"Conri, can you believe I start my night shift tonight?" I asked.
"I know. It's going to be a big change, well, at first," He replied.
"I know. But it won't be for too long," I said.
"Are you sure you're okay with this?" He asked.
"I'm sure. Why do you ask?' I replied.
"I'm just making sure. You seem unsure," He said.
"Oh no. I'm sure," I replied softly.

I had to change that subject quickly so I asked him what his plans for the day are.

"What are your plans today? You know I'll be sleeping until it's close to the time I gotta go to work," I said with a grin.
"I'm going to lay down for a bit then go out into the field and practice," He replied.
"I figured you would. Lets lay down and get some rest," I said.

We both laid down and fell right to sleep. The next thing I know is, I woke up and Conri is not in bed. I shook my head back and forth, I kinda forot that I fell asleep in the daytime. This is going to take a while to get used too. Then I remembered that Conri is out in the field. I have an hour left until I have to be at work. I got ready for work and went out into the field with Conri.

He's by himself so I walked up to him and asked where everyone is at.

"Hey babe. Where is everyone?" I aksed.
"Hey, sexy. They all left. We already practiced," He said as he chuckled.
"Oh. Yeah. I'm sorry, my schedule is off," I laughed.
"It's okay. It's going to be for a little while, until you get used to working these late hours," He said.
"A-Ahhh. Well, I hope it's not for long," I replied.
"Yeah. Me too," I'm going to miss you," He whispered.
"I'm going to miss you too," I replied.

I had to look away because I almost had tears in my eyes when he said that he's going to miss me. I have to be strong, I can't let him see me as a wak person. So I looked at him and asked him if he wanted to come inside the house with me while I make my lunch. He grabbed my hand softly and held it as we walked inside the house. We went into the kitchen, Conri sat at the table, I poured him a cup of coffee and I started making my lunch. While I packed my lunch, Conri sits at the tabel and stares at me, I look at him and ask, "Are you sure you're okay with this?" I asked. "Yes. It's just going to take some time to get used too," He replied. "Okay. It just seems like you don't want me to," I said. "It's okay. I'm just going to miss you laying in bed with me," He said.

I couldn't say another word. I was going to burst out in tears, but I held them back. It's time for me to leave, so I gave him a kiss and a hug. He hugged me back and he didn't want to let go, I felt it in his hug.

He walked me to the front door and gave me another hug and a kiss.

"Hey, maybe I'll come visit you later," He hurried and said.