What happened last night?

Marsai

I have been awake for most of the night.

I heard and felt Fenrir breath. His amazing smell still covered my body, filling my head with every breath I took. I still couldn't believe we had done it.

I couldn't bring myself to admit it. I refused to. It wasn't me but my mind was my very own enemy. Though there was absolute silence in the room, my mind was playing the wildest tricks on me. It keeps reminding me of my gasps, my unhinged moans, my unsolicited cries, and most unskinning of them all..my desperate pleas.

That I couldn't shove away.

It recreated loudly in my mind, making me stir in the silk white sheets aggressively. I sniffed the second headrest beside me, his dull scent still hovering around it. It blended with the sheets, tingling my skin and memory.

I felt like I betrayed myself, what will everyone think of me?

My mind did its thing again, cooking up the most disappointed looks on my friends. I quickly shot my eyes to shake it all out of my head.

It must have been bewitched. I mean, severely bewitched. I couldn't even muster the resilience to push him away from me when he rose up to tower me, showcasing his daunting erection in my line of vision. The tempting image encrypted itself into the back of my mind, creating the best canva.

My body shamelessly responded to it. My core twitched to the memory rolling as I remembered how he probed me to wrap my mouth around it.

The scent…

That had to be it. It was nothing like I have perceived before, not even the sweetest of pastries could come close to that ethereal scent he emitted. I searched my mind.

I couldn't remember seeing any necklace, wrist band or his ring except his Alpha ring. There was no suspicious artifact that I could say he used to bewitch me. I remembered thinking, his body was enough. His broad chest, his taunting skin under all of those hardened muscles, he knew what he was doing.

Laying himself like an unlawful sacrifice in front of a virgin path, someone was bound to pick it up and feast.

Unfortunately, someone was me.

Heavy footsteps echoed from the hallway into the room. The dark maroon paper walls with gold floral pattern streaks alongside the dark blinds robbed me of the time of the day. I was supposed to have taken a shower but I was afraid of getting up. I feel warm and sticky. And focus, I could still feel the linger dull ache that coursed through the island inside me.

I heard from the lousy maidens that after the first time, you become a real woman, a warm sunset glow occupies your once pale looks, and you blossom.

All rubbish. If there was anything I would be glowing of; it would be my shame and weakness. Just a few days ago, I constantly stood up to him and his cocky flames. Today, I’m hiding under a bedsheet away from his likely footsteps that just stopped right in front of the door. If he was rethinking his decision right now, he was definitely on the right path.

But knowing how overbearing Fenrir could be, it didn't come as a surprise to me when he turned the handle, opening the door tentatively.

It only took seconds for the scent of bacon and fresh bread to reach my nostrils. My belly responded instantly, churning.

I shot my eyes fast and held my breath hoping he didn't hear it as loud as it was.

I couldn't bring myself to face him. After everything I did to him in the past, all the times I rebelled stubbornly against him so harshly that he had had to punch walls and retaliate the frustration I made him feel on others. Now I had the image of me begging him to devour me, torture me, give me things I wasn't supposed to have, making me feel like I disrespected myself.

The soft clatter of the tray resonated through the room. Soon, I felt the bed dip and the smell of his soap and aftershave infiltrated my nostrils.

I waited for his touch, tensing up as I prepared for the burning once familiar touch but it never came.

"Marsai.." his voice low and deep. It had a soft manner to it almost like he knew how delicate I was feeling at the moment. My mind fell back to the intense look in his gray orbs from last night.

He spoke this same language of softness yesterday. It was warm and air-tight, lofty and light against my naive heart.

He won but I wouldn't let the soft edge deceive me ever again.

"I know you are awake, I can hear your shaking breath."He sounded a little sad, regretful even.

But I wasn't really moved. I know it might just be me feeling vulnerable and pitiful for shutting him out.

I heard him sigh and I did the same unconsciously.

His touch unexpectedly landed on my forehead and I flinched. I moved my cranium away from him like his fingers were scalding torches. I didn't see his reaction but I knew it broke him because I felt the light air from his fingers.

He let his hands stay suspended in the air for a while then he withdrew. My body turns cold in the absence of his touch.

"I will let you be...for now. Eat something, I will be back soon. I have to do something at the border."

He seemed to be waiting for some sort of reply but he didn't know he wouldn't be getting a response from me anymore.

Suddenly, the sheets felt hotter, maybe it got hotter outside but I seek immediate escape from this white trapping mess.

Without any lagging, he left the room. Leaving a thud sound in his wake.

I flung the sheets to the other side of the room the moment the door slammed after him. I summoned the strength to throw my feet against the lush rug that cladded the entire floor of the master bedroom.

I let my toes clutch the fur like rug beneath my feet as the pain that was once a dull ache became a hardened cramp. I held my face in my hands and crunched it.

I shook my head instantly, launching myself onto my feet. I abruptly lost my balance but at the last minute I gripped the hard brown oak chest drawer.

What was the plan now? Leave and never come back? It was no use. I remembered his louds groans like a shy storm on a silent evening.

"I...please don't leave me."

His pleas just like mine were when I was shamelessly writhing under the control of his touch.

We had both shown a level of vulnerability that none of us had ever revealed to anyone. It was the beginning of something that could be different. For the first time, he didn't sound like he owned me like he usually said.

No, this time, he sounded like he needed me but the question was, can I trust him?

Or was it the mate thing that had him that way?

I avoid the full-length mirror in the room as the harsh ray of sunshine pierces my skin but you know what they say; you can't avoid your reflection forever.

Everything somehow reflected the chaos in my head. From the gloomy drapes blocking the rays of the sun, to the dull light in the bathroom calling me for a hot shower. I slowly stride into it, discarding my light lingerie and fully exposing my pale skin to the dull light of the washroom.

My reflection finally caught up with me. The red marks that ran over my body made me burst into uncontrollable sobs.

I wasn't sad. The tears just described how chaotic I felt but I knew that I needed to leave and he must not know about it.

Turning on the cold shower instead, I froze the remaining of my thoughts eating at me.


Fenrir

I had no business at the border. I just had to run to calm my head and give Marsai the space she needed so she could gather herself together.

I knew I shouldn't have succumbed to the overdosing desire to make love to her but what could I do?

It was exactly what we needed.

The only difference between me and my precious darling was that I understood what I was feeling for her.

I had spent thinking about it until I felt like I was going insane.

In the room a few minutes ago, her unique rosy smell calms my nerves yet they make me itch to feel her, touch her, and have her under me again and again.

So I left everything including my thoughts and rushed back to her room.

When I reached her door again, my heart skipped a bit. The door was slightly ajar.

I tried to calm my quick steps so she could feel at ease at my arrival. I didn't want to rush her into anything she wasn't ready for.

"Hey-"

I blinked in shock as my heart sank faster than the light of dusk hit the hills.

The place was turned upside down, her clothes were all over the ground with the breakfast I brought to her spewed everywhere.

Where the hell is my woman?!