Chapter 55

Liliana's pov :
"You don't even know how much I love you, I can't afford to lose you, Lia! Please, forgive me! Slap me, punch me, or kill me but don't leave me alone like this! You are my everything, when you said I LOVE YOU to him, my heart wanted it to be a lie, it felt like someone stabbed my heart with a very sharp knife. And then you declared that you love him so much when I asked, I felt broken and my heart was sinking," he loosened the grip on my wrists and removed his hand from my mouth.
The way he reacted that time, I hated him, I seriously hated him. All my feelings and love for him vanished from my heart, I never thought that he would accuse me of cheating on him. I was a badass, blunt, and tomboy but I wasn't a cheater. He showed me that he didn't trust me, and that was enough for me to leave him because I never trusted someone in my entire life but when I trusted him, I expected the same from him.
"Why are you not saying something? Please, say something, baby!" And there he again started being a sweet talker. It was so hard to forgive him, and it was difficult for me to forget his harsh words either.
"Don't baby me! Why am I not speaking?" My eyebrows raised in fury. "You just care about yourself, Jay! You are selfish, you are not the only one who was hurt, everyone has their battles with life and relationships but nobody behaves like you."
I couldn't see his puppy face anymore, I had to break the silence and tell him that I was also a human being and I had also a heart that had so many feelings for him but he didn't care about that.
He still looked into my eyes with those mesmerising and hypnotising deep blue eyes, he didn't utter anything though. Perhaps it was going to be the end of our relationship but I didn't want it to be ended either.
At that moment, I didn't know what I wanted from him. He was my first love who made me believe that I was lovable, I just didn't want our story to end like that.
"I fought with Justin and my mother for you, and what did you do?" I shook my head while collecting my emotions in the words. "Look, Jay! Every relationship needs trust, you don't even trust me. Did you even think before saying those filthy words to me? You said that I cheated on you. I felt like we were strangers and didn't know each other at all."
He complained, "but you didn't make it clear that he was Ben, your brother! And I haven't seen him before, I didn't even know that he is gonna come to meet you. If you would have said that he is your brother then the misunderstanding wouldn't have taken place between us."
I couldn't believe that the guy who was standing in front of me was Jay. I couldn't handle this anymore. Instead of accepting his mistake, he was pointing out my mistake.
"Why do I have to give you an explanation if you trust me? You didn't just distrust me, you accused me, Jay! And I hated to listen to that, you didn't ask me who it was or you didn't even show some faith in me. You started assuming everything and your imagination didn't let you believe me!" I shouted and controlled the fucking tears that made me look weak in front of him.
The look on his face softened, his eyes filled with guilt as if he just realized his mistake. "Lia, I'm sorry! I apologise to you for being an asshole to you, it's my mistake that I lost my temper and blamed you for cheating on me."
He took my hands in his and inhaled a deep breath before speaking again, "please, forgive me! I'm sorry, and I promise that I'll never let this happen again."
I took my hands back and took a step back. He showed me that he didn't trust me but I trusted him with all my heart and his words made me lose my belief in him. I couldn't trust his words anymore but I wanted to fight with him, I wanted to make him realize that he had hurt me badly.
"Don't take me for granted, Jay! If there is doubt in your heart for me, there is no place for love. And I, I LOVE YOU more than I could imagine that I would love someone that badly. And I'm hating myself for loving you." I never wanted to confess my love like that but it just came out without my consent. And when I realised what I said, it was too late and I couldn't take my words back.
He just pulled me in a hug and hid his face in the crook of my neck. His heavy breathing made me shiver down my spine. My anger was melting in his embrace. For a moment, I forgot everything and wrapped my arms around his waist. I needed that hug, I loved that stupid guy.
I closed my eyes and tightened my grip on his waist. Losing him would be on my never-to-do list. In the past five months, I had lived my best life with him and I couldn't imagine a life without him. He had become a drug to my life, I couldn't resist loving him.
I knew it wasn't his fault completely because after feeling betrayed because of Theo, he searched for me only. He wanted to celebrate my birthday even though his heart was feeling hoodwinked by his friends.
His love for me wasn't hidden from me but the way he behaved in front of Ben made me pissed off. I couldn't tell him the truth that he was my brother, not a lover when I had already seen a glimpse of doubt in his eyes. He came to the town after two years just for my birthday and that was a surprise for me.
I didn't know how Fiona and Barbie helped him to surprise me but I loved to see him after two years and that too, on my birthday. Everyone made me feel special and happy, everything was going so smoothly and I was delighted to get so many surprises on my birthday but maybe my damn luck didn't like my happiness.
So in the end, my beloved boyfriend spoiled everything by himself. Hiding something from Jay was not a good idea, we planned to reunite them but the plan miserably failed.
"You shouldn't be mad at him." My brain yelled at me when it replaced him with me and put me in his place. If I would have been in his place, I would have reacted way worse than him.
Sometimes you have to think from another person's pov so you can forgive them. Expecting something from him that I couldn't do myself was not a good thing. How could I expect him to have patience while I was the one who had less patience than everyone else?
Instead of boosting and comforting him, I showered down my anger on him.
My shoulder felt wet, was he crying? Seriously?
"Jay!" I started fondling his hair. "I'm sorry, Jay! I shouldn't have blamed you, I planned to reunite you guys but...but it just...uh, it failed."
I was feeling so guilty for behaving like a mean girlfriend, he was wrong but I couldn't blame him. The situation wasn't right for us, instead of supporting him and being a good understanding girl, I was expecting too much from him.
If I would have told him that he was Ben, things wouldn't have gotten so far. I would be pissed off by seeing a lack of trust in his eyes for me, but at least he wouldn't have behaved like a jerk in front of Ben. I was regretting my decision.
He didn't move and I felt that perhaps he was trying to relax and hide his tears, it wasn't something strange to me because he was crazily in love with me, my just one smile does magic for him. After knowing him and his love, I shouldn't have reacted that way.
"Jay, I'm sorry! I shouldn't…"
He put his finger on my lips and said nothing.
He surely was trying to loosen up so I let him hug me and didn't interrupt him. It was too overwhelming to see him crying.
The fragrance of his cologne soothed my overthinking mind, I sniffed it silently and smiled pleasantly.
For a while, we just stood in that position, embracing and comforting each other.
"I'm sorry, Lia! I spoiled your day, I couldn't make it a great day to remember for a lifetime," he slowly moved away from my shoulder and mumbled in my ear.
I held her arms and moved them away from my shoulders and made him look into my eyes, "you gave me wonderful surprises, baby. I loved them and I'm grateful to you for fulfilling my crazy wishlist. When I was telling you about my childhood wishes, I had no idea that you would persevere with my silly desires."
He smiled and then pressed his lips, "I wanted to make it the best day of your life. I wanted to give you the best memories, not even a single bad moment yet you'll remember my harsh words, too whenever you will think about the memories of your birthday," he lowered his gaze.
I knew what I needed to do when he wasn't ready to overcome his guilt, I was also feeling sinful for making him feel guilty.
My hands found their way to his face and gently held his face between my palms, I pressed my lips against his and started kissing him slowly.
My eyebrows raised in disquiet when he didn't kiss me back but my lips were doing their endeavour. I tried to deepen the kiss, I started cupping his face and neck but still, he didn't kiss me back.
I slowly opened my eyes and stopped kissing him, "don't you love me anymore?"