Chapter 87

Liliana's pov :
And here again, my life starts with loneliness. Not completely because the thoughts about Jay weren't ready to leave me alone. I couldn't tell Fee about this, she was preparing to apply for a new job of proofreading and assistant of an editor at a publishing company so I didn't want to disturb her.
I had taken leave from my job for the weekend because I didn't feel like doing anything. And now I wasn't in the mood to go to the gym. Perhaps I didn't want to go outside of my room.
Feeling too much for someone is bad for your mental health. These feelings can destroy your peace and you won't stop feeling for that person though. You can't understand this until you fall in love.
Taking out my phone from the charger, I opened the gallery of my phone and saw all the pictures of me and Jay in Singapore. We were so happy, everything was going so perfectly but in the end, he ruined it. I was missing him so much but I wasn't ready to accept a thing that I noticed after coming back to L.A.
Jay was so possessive and insecure about his sister and friends. Whenever he got to know something that he couldn't absorb or he didn't expect, he hurt me.
People hurt the people who are closer to them than anybody else when they are angry but I wasn't ready to be in that abusive relationship. For me, it was unacceptable. I know that I don't deserve that behavior and I know that my crazy heart still wants him.
He was my addiction and I was shamelessly addicted to him though my brain expected a better version of him that could accept me however I was and could respect me even in his worst time.
Being friends was Barbie's suggestion and I considered it to get a clear vision for where we stood in each other's lives and what we wanted from each other! I had already realized that I couldn't imagine a life without him, I loved him too much to forget and only I knew how I passed the last weeks without seeing and meeting him.
After vacation, he'll be in college and I'll be in the last year of my high school. I wasn't sure if we could survive that but one thing was sure that I had to share my thoughts with him so I could know his opinion, too.
Without overthinking much, I took my phone and surprisingly, there were two unread messages from him.
"Hey! It's been a week since the exams are over. I was expecting a call from you."
"I missed you so much, wanna see you badly." He didn't miss adding a sad emoji in the ending.
So he missed me, too. I wasn't the only one. I smiled at this thought and decided to reply to his messages. After all, hanging out with him was the first thing on my mind.
"Let's hang out! Coming to your place in 15 minutes."
I typed and shoved my phone into the pocket. "It isn't a date," I yelled at myself to stop my lips from blushing like a baby. We were just hanging out, a casual hang out!
"Fine! I don't want to be friends with him but that doesn't mean that I'm gonna dress up like a doll." I rolled my eyes at my super-genius mind and glanced in the mirror at my silhouette. Giving a quick touch to my hair by the comb, I hiked to my car. Since I was eighteen, I was eligible now to get the license and drive my car by myself.
The first thing I did this month was learning driving and getting a license so I could drive wherever and whenever I wanted. I was looking forward to passing my high school and moving out of this mansion when I join college.
It wasn't my home, it was just a mansion where rich people lived and enjoyed their luxurious life. The home was a different thing that I guess I never felt in that mansion though Ben used to give me that vibe sometimes but since he went to London, I had forgotten and missed that vibe.
Turning the radio on, I grabbed the steering wheel and started driving. With Jay, I sensed a bit of that vibe but it vanished when he judged me for my dress sense.
Sometimes I feel like I'm envious of Fiona because she had what I wished for. Her mom was so lovely, kind, and supportive. I met her when she was in the hospital, that woman had a crystal heart just like Fee. She was so friendly with me even though we were meeting for the first time.
And when it comes to George, I couldn't be happier for her, she had the best guy. Even though they used to fight like enemies, after making it official, they never fought. George was understanding, protective but not the possessive one. Once Fiona was talking to a guy in the school but George didn't seem jealous at all. When he came to her, he was smiling and that's how Fiona was gaining confidence!
That fragile Fiona was changing into a confident Fiona. And I was more than happy to see that.
I stopped the car and saw him already coming towards me. Someone was being restless to meet me and I enjoyed that because I knew I was giving him a hard time.
"Hey!"
"Hey!"
Awkward smiles on our faces! I missed him calling me baby but I won't show it, we were just friends.
"So where are we going?" He placed his elbows on the window of my car.
"Come in, first!" I smiled and pointed towards the passenger seat.
Without needing to be told twice, he climbed in the car and I started driving towards a cafe. "Let's have breakfast first! I'm starving!" I made a puppy face.
He chuckled, put his hand on my hand. "Me, too. But for something else." His hands never missed a chance to send me shivers. It's been almost eleven months that I have known him and we have touched each other more than the hands still, his touch seemed so special that I couldn't resist the excitement of it.
"I know what you mean, okay?" I shot him a sarcastic smile and parked the car.
"Too short drive! This cafe is so close to our houses." He frowned but didn't remove his seatbelt.
I looked into his eyes with my partly narrowed eyes. "Too ashamed of having breakfast with a tomboy in an area where people can recognize you and someone can run into us and that will be embarrassing for you, huh?" I sighed and grinned because he had checked out my outfit almost ten times. I wasn't being rude, I was just stating the fact.
He got out of my car and I didn't wait for him to open the door for me. Expecting politeness or cute things when he was mad at me was like hurting myself.
We ordered our breakfast separately. He always ordered the same but to make it clearer that he was furious, he ordered a different one this time as if I didn't know. Childish! That was so childish!
The silence between us wasn't killing me because I didn't want to make the first move. The waiter brought our orders and I started eating with pin-drop silence.
"What's wrong with wearing designer clothes when you can afford them?" I knew his gaze was on me but I kept eating my brunch burger.
After swallowing it, I took the next bite and looked at him while chewing it peacefully. "We have got the freedom to wear whatever we want. Did I ever try to judge you for always wearing branded clothes?" I shrugged, trying to make the conversation not too heavy.
"What if I want you to change your lifestyle? After all, it's not like you are the only one who is changing. Many people in relationships change their preferences according to their partner, right?"
"Excuse me!"
I wanted to add, "are you Jay whom I have loved for the last eleven months? Because you are a stranger."
He stopped eating his combination pasta and took my hands in his. "Lia, you know that you look so pretty in those outfits that you wore before when we were dating."
Wasn't he giving me a reason to make it obvious WERE, not are? "You told me that you liked me in all types of attire." I shook my head in disbelief. "And now you are asking me to change my lifestyle? Not actually asking, you are ordering me." I took my hands off him.
He took a deep breath. "That time, I felt like that but now, I'm feeling like I want you to see in girly clothes only."
"I can't change myself at all. Even though the whole world is changing their preferences according to their beau, I'll not. You can start seeing someone who can change herself according to your taste. I'm not what you want." As soon as I finished, I took my phone from the table and was about to leave but he landed his hand on my wrist.
"Whatever it is, have breakfast first! Finish it, then we'll talk again. But let me make it clear to you that in any situation, I won't look for any other girl." He removed his hand and I sat on the chair.
My mind was saying that I couldn't trust him because he was the same person who told me that he liked me in all kinds of dresses and then he changed his statement but my heart was saying that his eyes showed sincerity when he announced, IN ANY SITUATION, I WON'T LOOK FOR ANY OTHER GIRL.
"May I join you guys? I had a meeting with a client but she isn't here yet so would you mind if I join you, Jay?" A beautiful lady asked politely, I didn't know her but perhaps Jay knew her.
"Yes, I'll mind. Can't you just leave me alone with my girl? Don't you think that you are ruining someone's privacy, Mrs. Casano?" He barked at her and I could see her face falling.
Why couldn't he control his anger? Was it essential to talk to a middle-aged lady in that manner?
I sighed and uttered with my gritted teeth, "You could talk to her politely, it's not always mandatory to be arrogant. And I'm not your girl anymore."
"Ahem! I just wanted to have breakfast with my son and his friend but it seems like I've disturbed you, I'm sorry!"
Son? She was Jay's mother? She seemed young and beautiful to be the mother of that arrogant boy. He had told me that he hated his mom but she didn't seem like a bad person.