Chapter 89

Jason's pov :
"You are seeming so different now. The girl with whom I fell in love was different from you. She was immature, cute, innocent, and fun. You are the opposite of her," I exposed my mind.
I could see her jaw tightened but I couldn't keep things to myself anymore. She had to know what I was feeling and I had to know what she was feeling.
The things were already out of our hands, the biggest reason behind it was me. I couldn't handle my opinions and feelings, I miserably failed.
"Ahem! So," she took a pause and shook her head, trying to be equanimous to digest my blunt words. "Yeah, so how am I different now?"
"You know, you're a question machine." I made her roll her eyes. Sighing, I shrugged and nudged her arm to relax the situation.
Lia slightly smiled and I began to answer her overwhelming question, "you said that you always wanted to try girly stuff, you were always alone since your childhood and had nobody with whom you could try that but it turns out that...uh," I exhaled, I had to choose the better words so she won't misunderstand me.
"I don't know how to say it, the things are different and it's not like I'm saying that you lied. It's just that, um, it's complicated?"
As I finished saying, she burst out laughing. "Tell me, I'm wrong if you don't have the intention to kill Justin! Haha!"
"Fine! Accepting that I want to." I raised my hands in defense. "But I want to know the reason for what Ben said and you know, right?"
Even though we were fighting, we weren't strangers. We always knew what our mind was thinking, though the situation was different with the heart. Sometimes, we had already comprehended the thoughts of each other's minds and ignored them because of insecurity about the result.
In the end, everyone had to take their own shit. She smirked and I knew that she got me. "In the case of Justin, everything is crystal clear that he is an asshole so I couldn't find a good friend in him. Then, many people like him came into my life who claimed to be my friend but acted like foes. That's it!"
"So you never had feelings for him, hmm?"
"Never!" She shot me a disgusted look as if I asked something nasty.
A smile formed on my lips. I loved to know about her and especially when it comes to her childhood.
"Don't give me that creepy smile! We are talking about heavy things that can lead to our break up. Oh, no! Seems like we have already broken up and we are just friends." She raised her brows following a waggish smile and that grin vanished from my face.
At any cost, I couldn't lose her. I was ready to be friend-zoned but I wasn't ready to be strangers.
"Hold down your horses! I'm not letting you do that, and you know that. We'll give us time, we'll try to understand each other better, know all the things about each other but cutting the connection is never going to happen. I can promise you that." It would be better if I would have said while holding her hands but it wasn't the right time to touch her.
"There goes my arrogant lover who doesn't even know that he alone can't make a decision that includes two people."
"Are you serious? Do you want to…?"
Instead of saying anything, she stood up and started walking towards the lake. Taking slow steps, I followed her keeping a distance so I wouldn't get the urge to hold her hand.
She turned her head to see my face and uttered, staring into my eyes, "I don't know either. I wished we could be like this forever, not keeping things from each other and saying whatever is running in our minds. I guess I don't know what I want or expect from you."
"Ain't we fucked up?"
"Ain't we still laughing?"
"Ain't we a mess?"
"Ain't we still something?"
"I want to be more than something, maybe everything," I muttered and smiled sheepishly.
Lia grimaced, took a step closer. "Too greedy, boy! You can never be my everything, my world involves so many things."
"Ouch! Too straightforward!" I put my hand on my chest, pointing to my heart.
She let out a soft chuckle. "Drama queen!"
We strolled over to the lake and the beautiful view made her gasp. It could be a perfect date if the timing wasn't a bitch. Seeing a bench near the lake, I pictured myself sitting on the bench and Lia sitting beside me, putting her head over my shoulder.
Slowly, I lay my head on hers and let my arm clasp her shoulder to make her feel warm. Her fingers intertwined with mine, a blush on her face adoring her beauty. The sunset makes her face glow more than it already glows usually.
What a beautiful time! I could spend the happiest moment with her here if I wouldn't have made it a mishmash.
"This is freaking wonderful! Did I tell you that this place is on my favorite list now?"
She confirmed that I was daydreaming, Lia and I didn't know where we stood in each other's life at this point. We were trying to figure it out and I was trying to convince her to give me the last chance.
"You haven't eaten anything so let's go to the restaurant! We'll come here again, and I hope for a better situation." I was feeling guilty and remorseful so didn't meet her gaze.
Lia didn't say anything so I turned my back to the lake and started walking away from the pain of not being able to enjoy the scenario as I wanted to.
Soon my feet halted when her hand grabbed my hand and pulled it backward. She could read my face so I chose to hide my awful face.
"We sealed a deal with a kiss but we forgot what the deal was! The deal was to know about our feelings if it's just attraction or if it's love, hmm...?" Her soft and sweet voice gave me hope and I turned my face towards her.
She bit her lower lip and I knew that she was nervous but she shouldn't have done that. No wonder, she could give me a hard time and test my patience anytime.
"I completely forgot about that deal, thanks for reminding me! So what did you find out? What is it?" I didn't make any move to remove her hand, I loved that heartiness.
"Attraction doesn't last any longer. You, you're my addiction," She muttered in a confident voice, shortening the distance between us while looking into my eyes.
"We love each other but we aren't in the phase where we know the meaning of these precious words though we utter these words with sincerity." I took a step ahead, imposing my palm on her cheek.
She closed her eyes, feeling overwhelmed by my cupping her cheek. "Trying something and changing something is different. I wanted to try some stuff with my girl best friend that I indeed did with Fee but I never wanted to change myself completely. It's my mistake that I didn't make it clear to you, and you imagined the wrong things."
"You were taking it as an adventure or a bucket list that everyone has, huh?" Her statement stunned me so I showed my quick response for it.
She nodded and pressed her lips, a giggle escaped from my lips. "Fuck! You gotta fucking kidding me, Lia. I, ugh…!"
"I got you, boy." She cracked up and put her hands on her mouth. "A few moments ago, we were talking about heavy stuff and now, we are laughing like it was a silly thing. Ain't we crazy?"
Without thinking much more, my hands wrapped around her back and shoved her into my chest. She didn't protest, to my surprise, she held my back tightly. Geez, I missed her so much. I missed her fragrance, I missed her touch, I missed laughing with her.
"Now I know the truth but I thought, being a tomboy wasn't a-"
"It was my choice, I like it. I love myself like this."
"Gotcha! So, um, what are we now?"
She raised her head to look at me, I met her gaze and smiled. "Let's start dating! We will know more about each other and see if things work or not."
"There is no way that things are not going to work and I'm letting you go away from me. I'll modify my thinking, opinions, and everything that becomes an obstacle in our relationship."
"You always hurt me whenever something unexpected happens, you start hiding and lying, and there you again go with the melodrama," Lia mumbled in a disappointed voice and averted her gaze from me.
I held her chin and made her look into my eyes. "I promise that I won't hide anything from you and will try my best to treat you the best!"
"You won't be a fucking overprotective and possessive boyfriend who tries to control his girlfriend's life. You'll trust me, hmm?" She made me realize where I was lacking being a better boyfriend.
I kissed her forehead, that girl loved me more than I deserved. Even though I had hurt her many times, she didn't leave me. A crystal-hearted girl!
Nodding my head, I seized her hand. "I'll trust you forever. So, deal number 2?"
"Hell, yes! Deal!" She glimmered and I sealed the second deal again with a kiss.
Savoring her strawberry taste, my hands held her waist and pushed her closer. "Fuck! I missed you so much!" I wasn't planning to confess but got hit by the moment.
"I missed you, too," Lia claimed my lips in a passionate kiss. I loved it whenever she initiated the kiss, and she knew it. Giving me a last smooch, she parted her lips away from me. "I'm hungry."
"Me, too," I smirked and nibbled my favorite spot on her neck. A sweet moan escaped from her throat and I smiled, she wasn't aware of her effect on me. Every single thing that she did, always turned me on.
I learned my lesson, communicating with my girl was the best thing to do instead of keeping things from her. All the issues can be solved by talking, not by hiding or avoiding.