Chapter 88

Jason's pov :
Taking my blazer from the chair, I stood up to take my ass out of the place where that woman was standing and staring at us with innocent eyes. At that moment, I didn't care about Lia. If she wanted to have breakfast with her, she could.
Somewhere I knew that she would because we fought a few moments ago so why would she care about my feelings?! But I could hear her apologizing to Mrs. Casano but I didn't get why she was saying sorry!
She ran and put her hand on my shoulder to stop me from walking. "Jay, I didn't know that she was your mom. I'm sorry!" Oh! So she remembered that I hated my mom.
I didn't turn to see the guilt on her face because all I wanted to see was my happy and cute Lia. Yes, my! She was mine and we will make it till the end though we have different opinions.
"Your punishment is that you are driving us to a good place where we can have fun. No questions, no denying!" I folded my hands and made a puppy face.
Instead of saying anything, she started walking towards her car. I didn't move from my spot because she didn't respond to my words.
When she realized that I wasn't following her, she spun her head to check on me. "What? Don't you wanna have some fun?" She shrugged and rolled her eyes.
Finally, I could have some fun with her instead of fights and heavy talks.
"How about an amusement park?" She asked while driving. She looked so sexy while swirling the steering wheel with confidence.
"The place doesn't matter but the person matters more than she can understand."
"She understands everything but she is not ready to change herself. If you want her, accept her flaws."
Lia didn't look at me and I knew that I was completely wrong at this point but still, I wanted her to change a little so I could know that she was serious about me. Every girl changes herself for her boyfriend. I've read it and heard that people change themselves when they fall in love, if she didn't want to change that meant she didn't love me at all.
I didn't know how we would make it together again but we'll be together anyhow, that was dyed-in-the-wool.
"Let's play some music!" I started the music and blew off the heat between us. I wished it could be a different type of heat.
After a one and half hour ride, we finally arrived at the park. I instantly got off and opened the door for her.
She smirked and closed the door herself. "You shouldn't do it. It hurts when you don't, so I wanna keep my expectations null."
"Ouch! Sarcasm, hmm?" Last time, I hurt her and this time, she hurt me so it was a win-win.
"You know, Fee made me watch a lot of romantic Korean dramas and romcom movies. It's a very romantic moment when a boy and a girl visit an amusement park, they hold each other's hands. They giggle and enjoy all the rides and time with each other but… I'm not feeling any excitement. All those sweet and cute romantic things seem good in the starting phase. It's different when it comes to reality, it's not cute and sweet, unlike those movies." She kept walking and uttering the honest words from the bottom of her heart or maybe mind. I couldn't see her face as she was stepping ahead of me.
It wasn't like I was too flabbergasted by her words that I couldn't understand or react. I knew that she was indeed right and behind her feeling nothing, I was the fucking reason.
Yes, I was the fucking reason for her sadness! She was pretending to be neutral but she wasn't. Her words were so tragic, she sounded exhausted by my immaturity and arrogance.
I couldn't hold it in for a long time and we needed a clear talk that could clear the mess between us. "Lia-"
"We need to talk...? The most annoying part of a relationship!"
"How did you get to know what I wanted to say?"
"Didn't I make it obvious by sharing my thoughts?" She shrugged. "I don't want to live in false hopes, I need clarity of things for my peace of mind."
"Let me buy ice cream! Then, we'll talk while walking to that ride," I pointed towards the rollercoaster.
Finally, she looked at me and suppressed her lips. Perhaps she wanted to say something but she was hesitating. "I know it was my idea but um now it feels like we are at the wrong place. We don't need to be surrounded by the crowd."
"Yeah, we should be at a place where we can have peace and calm. I know the perfect place, let's go!" I smiled and extended my hand to hold her hand.
Lia took a deep breath and gave her hand to me just like she gave me her heart with so much trust and I broke it. "It doesn't feel the way it used to." She muttered in a low voice but I heard it.
I didn't say anything but my brain was shouting at me, the guilt was floating in my veins. We kept walking in silence as if we didn't know where we were going, we were just walking through just like our relationship.
"Let me drive this time!"
"Mmm-hmm!" She handed over the keys to me.
My hold on the steering wheel was too tight because I was feeling so nervous. I glanced at her, she had crossed her hands and put them on the window. Her face was outside of the window, her eyes were closed to feel the fresh air.
Within one hour's silent drive, we reached a peaceful place. A small Valley that was farther than the city, the last time we came here was when George and Fiona had a serious fight in our school's cafeteria. That night, he wanted to do a party at his home but Alex wanted to come here.
"It's so beautiful. I never knew that this place existed in our city." Her face had a bright smile and her eyes glinted with excitement.
There were so many things that were running in my mind but now I didn't want to focus on that. I needed to share my thoughts with her. "You know what, I'm the most stupid person on the planet. I felt like if you have money, you should use it. Who wouldn't like luxurious life? Everyone wants it, dreams of it but now when I'm thinking about it from your perspective, I'm feeling so guilty."
"Why?"
"I judged you."
"Why?"
I lowered my gaze, I was feeling too embarrassed to meet her gaze. It wasn't the first time that I was feeling guilty, I had felt guilty when I hurt her inadvertently in the gym. But this time, it wasn't unknowingly.
"I don't have the answer, I just know that I've made a mistake. It was so wrong, I shouldn't have done that."
She took my hand in hers and started walking towards the end of the valley where we could have a view of the city. "The town looks beautiful from far, right? Nothing feels wrong from here but when we move closer, we find the flaws of it."
"I don't want to keep anything in my mind now. I want to open up with you and share everything that is in my mind." I laid my hand on her shoulder and surprisingly, she plopped her head on my shoulder.
"Go on! I want the same. I also want to know and share everything," she whispered in a low voice.
"Um, I didn't lie to you. You look pretty in all kinds of clothes but I want to see you in the girlie clothes that you used to wear before. Ben said that you had friends before but Justin hurt you so much that you couldn't have friends. But you told me that Fiona was the first friend of yours so I thought that there was something that I was missing-"
"Wait! You were thinking that I lied to you, right? Fuck you!" She started giggling instead of being furious. Well, that was a surprise but I liked that.
I joined her in laughing. "Fine! I accept that I was thinking that. In my mind, you were an innocent girl whom that bastard hurt and he left a scar on you so you became a tomboy. Maybe he would have made fun of you when you would have worn something cute and girlie." I shrugged and pressed my lips as it was a bit awkward.
"You are great at procrastination. Why don't you join the film school?" She wiggled her brows and bit her lower lip to stop the smile that was appearing on her lips.
She added further, "maybe and perhaps are the words that can ruin everything because these words don't belong to reality. These words make us imagine everything, and there is no guarantee that it will be true or real." Lia shrugged and stared into my eyes. "Being a tomboy was my choice. I love myself however, I'm, being alone wasn't a bad thing either. You just need to know one thing that I'm a strong and confident girl unlike the sweet, poor, and innocent characters of novels who don't know what they want. You don't need to feel sorry for me, I don't want your pity."
Her words made sense, she wasn't immature like me. She was more mature than anyone could expect to be a girl of her age.
"I don't know what to say now. All I'm feeling now is regret, guilt, and embarrassment. I know that I'm immature and make bad decisions but I'm not ready to leave you saying that you deserve better. I want you badly that I can't imagine my life without you. I want to improve myself but you know, um, that male ego…"
Lia sighed and rolled her eyes. "The problem is that I love you too much to not care about you and leave you. You don't have to change but I don't want to change myself either."
"Well, the feelings are mutual but it seems like we are not perfect for each other. Um, in the beginning, we were too fast. We jumped into this relationship without knowing each other more and uh, everyone else said that we are-"
She cut me off, "perfect for each other but we aren't. I don't want it to be perfect, I just want it to be right. We should feel easy and happy with each other."