Book 2 Chapter 4
Yalda woke up to the sound of waves softly splashing against rocks outside, the sound was peaceful and familiar, it was grounding. And for a moment, she didn’t move. Her eyes stayed closed as the soft hiss of the surf filled the room, blending with the cries of seagulls outside. The sheets were cool against her skin, the faint morning breeze slippes through the curtains softly.
It was all supposed to be peaceful, but yet her grief had already started crawling back in. It took her a few seconds to realize she was alone, she could still smell Ioannis's cologne and it told her he'd been here not long ago.
She sat up slowly, pushing the blanket aside. Her head felt heavy and foggy from the crying of the night before. And the sunlight streamkng in from the windows was too bright for her tender eyes, she blinked a couple of times to get her eyes to adjust before resulting to squinting slightly.
For a moment, she let her gaze wander around the room, nothing had changed; the linen curtains, the glass bowl of seashells on the nightstand, the same soft grey rug by the bed. Time hadn’t moved here at all, only she had.
Dragging herself from bed, she made her way to the bathroom barefoot. The marble tiles were cold under her feet but she she care, they made her body feel less heated. She turned on the tap, letting the water run until it was lukewarm before splashing some on her face.
For a moment, she rested her palms on the sink and breathed. She dragged in one heavy breath after another as she tried to motivate herself to be better today. She'd traveled to another continent just to stop herself from drowning in her sorrows, the least she could do was not breakdown today.
But her reflection in the mirror made it clear that she was trying so hard to not fall apart, trying so hard to not fade away until there was nothing left.
She turned away from the mirror, stripped and showered. And when she finally went downstairs, the scent of freshly brewed coffee welcomed her warmly.
Ioannis was sitting crossedlegged in the living room, one hand lazily rested on Loki’s back as Loki wagged his tail in delight. They looked like they had played a lot, like they were catching their breaths and catching up. Loki had a thing with remembering men she'd been away from for a while.
They hadn't noticed her yet so she spoke first.
“He missed you,” she said softly as she made her way down the stairs.
Ioannis looked up, his expression softened on seeing her and it made her heart clench slightly; would she ever get used to the tenderness in his eyes?
“I never doubted he would.” he replied.
Finally noticing her, Loki ran to her excitedly. She knelt to scooped him up, and hugged him tightly.
Ioannis watched her descend the last few steps before gesturing at the sofa he was seated.
“Come sit,” he said.
She obeyed, she walked over to the sofa and settled at the other end of it almost awkwardly. Ioannis’s gaze flicked briefly over her face, he was studying her the way he always did; quietly and carefully.
“How was your night?” he asked.
“Restful enough, I guess.” She replied.
“Do you have a headache?”
She hesitated, then nodded faintly. Of course she had a headache, she'd cried so much, too much.
“Is it bad?”
She shook her head.
He reached for a small glass bottle on the table containing water with lemon slices floating inside, he handed it to her.
“Drink,” he said. "It should help."
She did, the coolness soothed her throat, even as her stomach churned.
“Alina made breakfast,” he told her after a moment. "You should eat.”
At the mention of Alina, a faint smile curved her lips. “How is she?”
“She's good, as always.” he replied. His gaze moved to Loki who was trying to get Yalda to give him some of what she was drinking. "She missed you a lot."
Once again, Yalda felt bad for leaving. Alina had been so kind to her, so welcoming. She'd been her trusted disciple and she'd left without even saying goodbye.
She blew out a breath as she leaned back against the couch.
“I don’t think I can eat,” she murmured. "My appetite has been down the drain for a while now."
She knew it was bad for her, really bad, but she couldn't help it.
Ioannis’s gaze sharpened slightly. “You haven’t eaten since you arrived.” he pointed out.
“I just… don’t feel hungry.”
But he shook his head, wanting to hear absolutely nothing of it.
"You don't have to feel hungry to eat." He said.
"I'll just have the water for now." She told him quietly.
But he ignored her and stood up. “You’ll eat.” he said, and something about the way he said it told her he wasn't asking anymore.
“Ioannis..."
“Yalda.” His tone was still kind, still very much like him, but it cut cleanly through her protest. “We’ll have breakfast, and you’ll try your best. No arguments.”
Her shoulders dropped. “Okay.”
He waited until she stood and set Loki down, then he gestured toward the dining room prompting her to start walking. She did, and it wasn't long before they got there.
The long oak table was set neatly: two plates, freshly baked bread, a bowl of fruit, and a pot of coffee still steaming. Alina had always been meticulous and she'd always loved that about her. The morning light filtered through the windows, spreading gold across the floorboards beautifully.
Ioannis pulled out a chair for her to sit, and she thanked him quietly as she settled down. But she was so unsettled at the moment, the smell of food turned her stomach instantly like it had been doing every time she attempted to eat for some time now.
Still, she forced herself to take a piece of bread, tearing it slowly between her fingers.
Ioannis watched her quietly, probably not to ensure she would eat or because he noticed she was trembling slightly. She chewed the bread and forced herself to swallow, but she instantly felt the nausea rising.
Her throat tightened and she reached for her water quickly, forcing down a sip.
“I can’t,” she whispered finally, setting the bread down.
She couldn't do this, she would throw up if she tried.
“You can.” he encouraged. "Come on, Yalda. Try."
Her eyes lifted to his.
“It’s not that easy.” she told him.
She genuinely wanted to try, she did. She hadn't seen her period since Alexander passed, and she knew well enough what that could mean, she knew she needed to take care of herself if she was going to get through this, but the fact that Alexander wasn't here killed her will to try at all. And it ached her so much.
“I know,” he said. “Teust me, Yalda. I know.”
His calmness made her want to cry all over again.
How could she even begin to tell him that she was a complete mess right now, probably worse than the first time he'd met her. How could she tell him she was pregnant and her system wouldn't welcome any solid food at all?
After a long silence, she forced herself to speak, “You shouldn’t have to take care of me again.”
"Yalda, you seem to have forgotten to I love you." He said. And hearing him say that out loud had tears prickling the back of her eyes. She'd hurt him so much and he still loved her. "It kills me to see you this way."
She lowered her gaze from his.
"I'm sorry." It was all she could say.
"Look at me, Yalda." He said. And she forced her gaze up to meet his once more. "I don't want you to apologize, I just need you to work with me so we can help you get better."
She knew sha had to listen to him, she had to trust him, after all, he'd fixed her once before and he could do it again if she helped him out.
She nodded once.
"Good. Now, have some food." He encouraged once more.
And she tried again. Bite after bite, sip and sip, she forced herself to eat as much as she could manage before she quit. It wasn't much but he knew she had tried her best, and he was proud of her.
“Well done. You should rest after this.”
She gave a small nod.
She wanted to tell him right here and right now, she wanted to tell him she was pregnant but even she hadn't accepted it yet, even she fel....unsure.
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